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Having a hard time coping with this rejection/giving myself space


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There was a woman I was talking to for a good 6 months that I knew from a few years ago but had moved far away. I was getting the impression we were hitting it off because there were a few romantic gestures that were well received and a lot of conversation. Anyway about a month ago I decided to make it clear how I felt and it seemed to be reciprocated at the time. 2 weeks later via snapchat I had received a text only snap about her wanting to give this guy her number. I asked her about it because it had me a little confused and she said she wasn't aware I wanted a commitment cause of the distance etc. Now that I understood despite having some plans to visit soon but I was more or less upset that she would mention that to me after the conversation we'd had before that.

 

Anyway I tried to let on like I wasn't that upset at first but she got really distant so I told her this was bad for my mental health and couldn't be her friend anymore. I felt instant remorse and after 5 days of feeling sad about it I decided to try to fix things, she expressed being upset that I wouldn't want to be her friend anymore but it seemed strange cause she pulled away before I did. Last week I was told she doesn't want me to come see her anymore. By the end of both of us being upset about the notion of never speaking again we settled on long distance chat buddies. It just feel pointless though because even as a friend I don't think I'm going to see her again for the rest of my life. Half the time I try to make a conversation I just get hard ignored and even when we do talk a little bit I feel awful. I kind of just want to disappear from the situation for a little bit or even permanently if it goes that way but I'm just not distancing myself properly. Every time I try to give myself some space to resolve the negative emotions I still obsess and ruminate.

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How about you get off the computer and go out and have some fun with your REAL friends. Take your mind off of her by going to place with your friends where you'll meet real women face to face.

 

BTW: If you block and delete her you will wean yourself off of her and your addiction to talking to her and that need to obses and ruminate about her will dwindle down to indifference to her and to what she is doing or may be doing.

 

... so, do yourself a favor and just block all the social media you two share.

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Sorry about this.

 

I'd say this is a good time for you to realize that there is a significant gap between your hopes here and reality. Had this played out face to face, you'd probably have realized it within a week or two, but when a connection is built primarily over screens it can be hard to determine what's real, what's not.

 

Along with TwT, I say use this time to work on connections in 3D to put this all in perspective. I know it hurts, but this is just a whole lot of drama for two people who haven't even been on a date. Remove your ideas about how great it all could have been, and what do you really have? Probably not what you want, regardless of whatever she is saying and doing that's confusing you.

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Sorry to hear this get to a doctor for an evaluation of your mental health and a referral to a therapist. Getting involved with catfish online worsens things. A doctor and therapist can help you a lot more than random social media chats.

There was a woman I was talking to for a good 6 months. I told her this was bad for my mental health we settled on long distance chat buddies.Every time I try to give myself some space to resolve the negative emotions I still obsess and ruminate.
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Dear Somnarium,

 

I`ve been there.I know the kind of pain you`re in. It`s actually pretty typical.

One person is more invested than the other. One person develops feeling while the other "exploits" those feelings for personal gain - be it the emotional support, boosting confidence, feeling voids, numbing lonliness etc- and then the whole thing falls apart when the invested party wants to invest even more/ to make their proposition clear.

 

This woman was never so much interested in you as you were and as it shows, also not in the way you were. She propably thought of your connection as something friendly and aloof and didn`t expect you would act on it.One could say she even led you on, but you shared too little to be able to say that with confidence. When she got off guard she withdrew either as to not hurt you even more or as to not feel any guilt. Thing is either way you win, because now you know and you can have closure and move on in your life, seeking healthier and substancial connections.

 

The pain and fear of not seeing her ever again has it`s roots in fantasy. You got so emotionally attached to the image, the thought of this person, all the dreams , all the possibilities, all the ifs... As a matter of fact , letting go of a person is easy. It`s the the image of them and of us we have in our minds that`s hard. Because then, we betrayed ourselves too in a sense. Taking someone off the pedastal you created for them is hard.

 

This clearly messes up with your emotional and mental stability and you should settle for less than what makes you happy and balanced. I highly suggest you terminate all contact with this person and find your self ones more. Do not inflict self torture upon yourself, it`s pointless and catastrophic if not stopped early.

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I agree it's pointless to be long distance chat buddies with someone you have feelings for. I don't how well you know this woman, maybe you have been idolizing her in a way, why not try some dating apps and meet women in real life.

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How about you get off the computer and go out and have some fun with your REAL friends. Take your mind off of her by going to place with your friends where you'll meet real women face to face.

 

BTW: If you block and delete her you will wean yourself off of her and your addiction to talking to her and that need to obses and ruminate about her will dwindle down to indifference to her and to what she is doing or may be doing.

 

... so, do yourself a favor and just block all the social media you two share.

 

 

I barely have any friends because I relocated. I'm not prepared to block on all fronts but I'm gonna try to stop contacting for a period of time.

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I barely have any friends because I relocated. I'm not prepared to block on all fronts but I'm gonna try to stop contacting for a period of time.
Your number one focus should be making new friends in your area. Here are some ideas how:

 

Join the local gym. Check out bookstores and if there is a public library nearby. They're great spots for community notices, classes and book clubs. How about volunteering opportunities? animal shelters, community clean up...

 

Talk to the employees, mention you're new in town and are hoping to make friends. They can you some local advice and who knows maybe they'd introduce to other newbies or something.

 

Make an effort to move on.... whatever happened or didn't... its in the past. she's there, you're here. It's time...

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I barely have any friends because I relocated. I'm not prepared to block on all fronts but I'm gonna try to stop contacting for a period of time.

 

If you have some hobbies, try to look for local Facebook groups with similar interests, and see if anyone organizes events, get-togethers etc. A friend of mine joined this local theater group and made many new friends. I was in the same position several years ago, you can always get to know people, the key is not to stay at home all the time.

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If you have some hobbies, try to look for local Facebook groups with similar interests, and see if anyone organizes events, get-togethers etc. A friend of mine joined this local theater group and made many new friends. I was in the same position several years ago, you can always get to know people, the key is not to stay at home all the time.

 

Luckily I'm getting involved in the music scene out here and that should go a long way. It's just hard getting the depression under control most days, I have a therapist but I can't see a psychiatrist till April and I'm not sure if I want to go back on meds or not.

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Unfortunately this makes no sense. It's like saying I have a toothache but not sure if I want to see a dentist.

It's just hard getting the depression under control most days, I have a therapist but I can't see a psychiatrist till April and I'm not sure if I want to go back on meds or not.
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