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The lives of toxic / unfaithful / narcissistic people


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Hi everyone,

So after going through a whole lot of posts here about letting things go, and working on yourself and all that... I’m left wondering, with all the souls toxic individuals hurt on their path; is there any karma?

 

Do you guys have any examples on how the lives of toxic individuals pan out? Does karma sting them like a ***** or do they get to go their merry way and keep up their shenanigans or do they ever grow into functional beings?

 

I look forward to hearing from everyone :)

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Some do, some don't.

 

"Karma" is a concept that's been twisted into people who've been hurt hoping the people who hurt them get punished. But that's now how karma works. And hoping someone gets hurt isn't nice either.

 

All you can do is live your best life and enjoy the benefits. Spending time or effort hoping someone gets punished for hurting you isn't productive and is actually damaging to oneself.

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I don't really keep in touch with any exes, but I do know that the most dysfunctional man I have ever dated is now married with a child. I don't have any idea what the state of the marriage is.

 

My general experience is that "karma" is largely a construct of our collective imagination, though. I don't necessarily believe that it plays out the way we hope it will on those who have wreaked havoc in our lives. Toxic people tend to wreak havoc no matter where they wind up, but the ones who tolerate their behaviour tend to have equally destructive issues in their own lives.

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That is not how karma works. If you are speaking of people getting their's, most do not.

 

Instead of focusing on your ex, focus on why you stayed in the toxic situation as long as you did. Don't you think it is time to let this go!

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I don't believe in the bad luck aspect of karma but I do believe that people who behave selfishly and immorally eventually will face harsh consequences in one way or another. It's bound to happen at some point. People can't get away with bad behavior forever. Eventually, some form of karma will catch up to them sooner or later. It's only a matter of time. :upset:

 

Unfortunately, I know several toxic individuals whose lives didn't pan out well. Even though they went their merry way after inflicting harm onto others with their toxicity, unkindness, unfaithfulness, scheming / plotting (sociopath), manipulative, narcissistic, betraying / deceitful, lying, gaslighting ways I've noticed the only "revenge" I have is knowing they're not truly happy with their lot in life. Sure, they'll continue their shenanigans but they're always unsettled, insecure and put on a fake front for the rest of the world to see. However, I know how they really are and they're unhappy and very insecure within their own skin.

 

In the past, I've always confronted them and I don't do that anymore. Confronting them only created a maddening circle of endless fights. I've since learned my own new techniques. Whenever anyone disrespects me, I simply enforce very strong, healthy, new boundaries. I either cut them off completely or if our paths must cross, I'm polite yet maintain a safe PERMANENT distance. It works splendidly. :D

 

Instead of karma, I withdraw and I don't do anything. My passive aggressive approach is to simply leave the relationship and keep my life moving forward. I no longer waste my time, energy and resources on people who don't deserve my attention. I've learned to walk away and keep on walking because they're NOT worth it.

 

I've also learned to become tough and strong. I don't allow others to feel superior to me. If they cannot and will not treat me as their equal with utmost respect, I leave the relationship. Respect must always be mutual and trust is tantamount. Without respect and unequivocal trust, all relationships are dead IMHO.

 

Once you learn to think clearly, you'll become a lot smarter and stronger than you ever thought you could. It's a learning process. Think long and hard. Then the light turns on and you'll never allow others to get in your way nor rob your right to enjoy your life as you see fit.

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Holding grudges and ruminating about all the wrongs makes you very bitter very fast. Ok your exgf got married but sour grapes won't help that.

Do you guys have any examples on how the lives of toxic individuals pan out? Does karma sting them like a ***** or do they get to go their merry way and keep up their shenanigans or do they ever grow into functional beings?
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Nope, I’m not in the loop anymore... she hurt me enough times that the trust was dead.

 

But I had a catch up with an old friend recently and the talk of how our circle (about 10 people) grew distant came up... and a lot had got to with what she did to everyone in the social circle... both boys and girls. We all used to hang out a lot; and her impact (scales drama) led different members to deal with it in different ways... some of us repeated the same mistakes that I did and let her in more times than once and others just distances themselves from her in any form possible and that included distancing themselves from the circle. She hurt a lot of people and probably still is.

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Nope, I’m not in the loop anymore... she hurt me enough times that the trust was dead.

 

But I had a catch up with an old friend recently and the talk of how our circle (about 10 people) grew distant came up... and a lot had got to with what she did to everyone in the social circle... both boys and girls. We all used to hang out a lot; and her impact (scales drama) led different members to deal with it in different ways... some of us repeated the same mistakes that I did and let her in more times than once and others just distances themselves from her in any form possible and that included distancing themselves from the circle. She hurt a lot of people and probably still is.

 

Tell all your friends to stop talking about her and the past. she will lead her life the way she likes. Not worth it to be honest.

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We humans, were a vain species. Even the most selfless of humans, we are very vain beings.

 

The concept of karma is an idea that brings comfort, but it defies logic. Think about it, if you believe in karma you believe someone else should suffer for wrongdoing, that means you will also suffer for any and all wrongdoing, and what about personal accountability, should we not ever have any and just do right out of fear?

 

Also think about it, to believe an entity was in the universe ensuring individuals were punished for wrongdoing yet there is no entity to ensure say children didn’t starve... what kind of world do we live in? I’d HOPE that wasn’t the case cause man... that’s pretty messed up...

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There was this friend in our expat group who would had some narcissistic features, she hurt a few of us, luckily I was more annoyed than hurt. We cut her off, she blocked us on Facebook, I mean we are all adult and not looking for some high school drama. We agreed on not talking too much about her, it's the past, I don't think about her either.

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I find everyone's comments about karma pretty intetesting. As its definition is somewhat subjective these days.

 

OP, I'm assuming you mean it as -- what goes around comes around.

 

I'm not sure if its correct to think someone hurting you, means they deserve something bad happening, to them, to repay them.

 

We all have been hurt and we've all hurt others. As the hurt party, we see the other person as such a jerk or whatever, but what about when we break it off?

 

There is no good way to end things. And as the hurt party, we might think, but I'd never do that to them!

 

But the people we hurt, think of the same of us.

 

SO YES! WHAT GOES AROUND DOES COME AROUND!

 

We all struggle. Dumpers do not have perfect lives. Dumpees do find someone else and the cycle continues....

 

Do we ever link the bad things that happen to us back to the bad things we've done? Maybe... who hasnt uttered the phrase "What did I do to deserve this? "

 

But we never think, I dumped that person, so obviously I deserve to be dumped, too....

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The idea of karma—as in the actual idea in Hinduism and Buddhism—is that the sum of our actions in one life, and previous lives, dictate our fate in future lives. It is not not about vengeance and retribution, in other words, but about accountability, a guide to being good and learning to call yourself out when you're less than good.

 

Unfortunately, like so much in the spiritual/psychological world, it has been reappropriated for more self-serving means. It takes, alas, a pretty narcissistic and toxic mentality to believe that our personal pain is so important that whoever or whatever caused it will be punished by the universe. Whether it is an ex who cheated on me, my father who walked out on my life when I was a teenager, or the cashier who was rude to me the other day, I would need to be pretty full of myself to believe they were now doomed to a life of pain for momentarily scratching the record of my personal soundtrack.

 

The same teachings that create the idea of karma, it's worth remembering, are those that emphasize the universality of suffering: that being a human is being in pain, and learning to live with pain gracefully by minimizing our selves, becoming less absorbed by our selves. It's about finding strength in letting go, not in clinging to bitterness, as this idea of karma seems to be: a hall pass for bitterness.

 

My few cents.

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Bluecastle, thank you.

 

It is pretty self centered to think "the universe" is obligated to punish someone for hurting us. That's making ourselves the center of the universe, which is actually kind of ridiculous.

 

Living our best lives while being kind to others and forgiving ourselves for mistakes and bad choices is the way to be IMO. And not worrying about what others are getting that we think they don't deserve.

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I've noticed that toxic individuals are lonely and insecure. Sure, they'll paint a popular picture of themselves to you socially. However, they're very mentally unstable. Their personal relationships are a train wreck.

 

Life goes on and everyone goes their merry way. Often times, going your separate ways is healthy. Estrangement creates peace, actually.

 

Carve out your own happiness. Keep yourself mentally and physically healthy as there is a strong sound body, sound mind connection. Associate with only very moral people who will influence you in the right direction always. Learn to enforce healthy boundaries. Navigate yourself wisely.

 

Regarding karma, don't care about the fate of others. They're certainly not investing the same energy and thoughts into you, so why waste your time wondering if karma will eventually catch up with them? You need to get busy living your life to the fullest and then you'll forget about people who don't matter in your life. This happened to me and I hope it will happen to you, too. You'll realize you're too busy, content and tired to care anymore!

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The Secret says to wish your enemies well and prayer for them. When you wish your enemies well and wish good for them, good things will come back to you. So don't waste you time thinking ill of this person, wish them well. And remember that the best revenge is living well.

 

I don't know what The Secret is, but I like this idea. I'd just add that I think the best revenge is purging the whole idea of revenge from one's being. One need only to look at the history of mankind to learn that nothing good has ever come from anyone seeking revenge, in any manner. It is, roughly, the foundation of emotional toxicity.

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People are who they are. They don't change unless they have enough pain to make them want to change, and in most cases, that doesn't happen. So take them as they are, or don't. You have freedom of choice. But as the old saying goes, resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

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Bluecastle, thank you.

 

It is pretty self centered to think "the universe" is obligated to punish someone for hurting us. That's making ourselves the center of the universe, which is actually kind of ridiculous.

 

Living our best lives while being kind to others and forgiving ourselves for mistakes and bad choices is the way to be IMO. And not worrying about what others are getting that we think they don't deserve.

 

Thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking.

 

Blaming someone for how you feel, hanging on to resentment for years, and hoping they will be "punished" by the universe is just as toxic as any other behavior.... but at least that's one you can do something about.

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My ex, who was very abusive, and still is verbally abusive and manipulative, is constantly harassing me (we have a daughter together). I learned to block his number, except when it’s time for him to call my daughter. I don’t ever wish bad of him, no matter how much he harasses me.

 

The only thing I wish for is, I make a wish to the universe that he becomes a better person or gets out of my and my daughter’s lives and leaves us alone. Anyway, a few weeks ago, he asked to borrow my car, to which I said no, and he kept saying to me over and over that karma was going to get me, I’m such a bad person and mother, blah blah. (All because I wouldn’t let him use my car.) That night, he had a heart attack and almost died. The universe works in strange ways. He’s still been a jerk mind you, the last few weeks. But I still don’t wish him ill.

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