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So there is this guy I met at a party 2 years ago, he was a friend of my friend. I instantly liked him but never told him, but I assume he does know I had a thing for him. So when we first met, he flirted with me, we added each other on Instagram, texted occasionally but he never asked me out, so I let it go. He started to date this other girl, it was an on and off relationship/friends with benefits thing, I didn’t know much about it, just what my friend told me.

 

I would meet him every now and then when my friend would organize a get-together, he would flirt me, share his drinks with me, tease me etc. I tried not to think about it too much, I felt like everyone could tell I liked him, so I eventually tried to avoid him. I met someone else a few weeks after, and this guy moved to another country. We didn’t stay in touch, I almost forgot about him, but recently I noticed he was watching all my Instagram stories. I thought he was just bored, but he texted me out of the blue this week, saying he’s coming to visit my city, and asked me if I wanted to hang out. Now I don’t know what to say, part of me is curious to see him again, but I also don’t know if I should. I mean I really liked this guy at some point, and I was a little hurt when he was dating someone else. What do you guys think about this?

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Why not just have a drink/coffee and catch up. No harm in that.

he texted me out of the blue this week, saying he’s coming to visit my city, and asked me if I wanted to hang out. Now I don’t know what to say, part of me is curious to see him again, but I also don’t know if I should.
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I agree with Wise.

 

Yeah, it's always a bummer when someone we're crushing on someone who isn't crushing back, but it's a thing that happens: humans being humans, timing being timing, and so on.

 

Is part of the issue that you feel his flirtiness was misleading? Or are you just wary of having hopes raised and dashed again? The reason I ask, in part, is because this guys now lives in another country, so I'd be realistic about the limitations here.

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I agree with Wise.

 

 

Is part of the issue that you feel his flirtiness was misleading? Or are you just wary of having hopes raised and dashed again? The reason I ask, in part, is because this guys now lives in another country, so I'd be realistic about the limitations here.

 

Yes, I feel like he was leading me on in a way, I'm pretty sure he knew I liked him, and just flirted with me for fun, I guess. The first time we met at that party, he spent most of the time chatting with me, we left together and took the same train. I thought he liked me but then he started to see this other girl, so I stopped texting him. I don't want to be in the same position again, if that makes sense. I'm afraid I might realize I still have a crush on him when I see him again.

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Unless you told him you were interested in dating him and he said he wasn't but continued flirting, innuendoes etc then he wasn't leading you on -he's allowed to flirt you're allowed to choose your reaction. How do you feel about the fact that he's comfortable with casual sex arrangements as he was with the other woman on and off? He might want something different now (certainly I know of many examples of that) but keep in mind that he likes flirting and in the recent past enjoyed hanging out and hooking up.

I think it's fine to see him with zero expectations, in a public place, stay sober.

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Is he moving back or just visiting? If just visiting, I'd take a pass on that. It's a bit like calling up an old groupie when bored. Not flattering to you, especially when he rejected you before. If he was moving back, then maybe I'd think about it and see what he has to say for himself.

 

I guess my first thought is that he is looking for an easy hookup while in town and he knows you had a big crush on him...sooo...low lying branch....

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Unless you told him you were interested in dating him and he said he wasn't but continued flirting, innuendoes etc then he wasn't leading you on -he's allowed to flirt you're allowed to choose your reaction. How do you feel about the fact that he's comfortable with casual sex arrangements as he was with the other woman on and off? He might want something different now (certainly I know of many examples of that) but keep in mind that he likes flirting and in the recent past enjoyed hanging out and hooking up.

I think it's fine to see him with zero expectations, in a public place, stay sober.

 

I never told him I was interested, but I think he could tell I liked him, when he flirted with me, I flirted back. The thing is he continued flirting with me even when he was seeing this other girl, that's what I meant by leading on. I don't really expect much from seeing him again, it just surprised me when he reached out to me. If I decide to meet him, I'll stay sober for sure.

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Is he moving back or just visiting? If just visiting, I'd take a pass on that. It's a bit like calling up an old groupie when bored. Not flattering to you, especially when he rejected you before. If he was moving back, then maybe I'd think about it and see what he has to say for himself.

 

I guess my first thought is that he is looking for an easy hookup while in town and he knows you had a big crush on him...sooo...low lying branch....

 

He's visiting because of his business, didn't say anything about moving back. It didn't cross my mind he might want to hook up as we were never physical, but then again there was this weird tension between us. For now I just told him it depends on how busy at work I will be.

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I agree with Dancing Fool. Yes, he knows you're into him. He wasn't that into you, and that's why he never asked you out. He liked the ego boost that he had a fan in you. He flirted with you when he had a girlfriend, so he's not a decent person. For that reason and guessing he's aiming for a fun fling while on business and then can use the excuse he doesn't do long distance after he's bed you, I wouldn't meet up with him.

 

Don't be the toy that the cat bats around. You have better things to do with your time.

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The only things that happen are what you want to happen. So if you are curious and wish to put your mind to rest have a casual drink/coffee. If you are fearful and anxious, then don't go. But give him a yes or no.

 

It sounds like you are curious but afraid, so if you are stalling because of this uncertainty, simply don't put yourself through that. This isn't a date, it's people catching up, right? Or was something more implied by him? Was he flirting or suggesting hooking up?

It didn't cross my mind he might want to hook up as we were never physical, but then again there was this weird tension between us.
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You probably will develop a crush on him again.

 

It's kind of a waste of time because he lives in another country and most long distance things don't work.

 

Unless you think you can just be friends with him. And date other guys.

 

Sounds like you are the back-burner girl.

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What did he do that you consider "flirting"?

 

I don't remember everything he did and said, but he would talk to me a lot, make me drinks, tease me, ask me tons of questions, when I spoke a different language he would compliment on my accent etc. My friend noticed this and said he was flirting with me.

I once bumped into him in a pub, and because I knew he was dating someone else, I just said a quick hello and didn't talk to him, and he then told my friend he didn't understand why I wouldn't talk to him.

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I agree with Dancing Fool. Yes, he knows you're into him. He wasn't that into you, and that's why he never asked you out. He liked the ego boost that he had a fan in you. He flirted with you when he had a girlfriend, so he's not a decent person. For that reason and guessing he's aiming for a fun fling while on business and then can use the excuse he doesn't do long distance after he's bed you, I wouldn't meet up with him.

 

Don't be the toy that the cat bats around. You have better things to do with your time.

 

This makes sense, thanks for being honest.

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The only things that happen are what you want to happen. So if you are curious and wish to put your mind to rest have a casual drink/coffee. If you are fearful and anxious, then don't go. But give him a yes or no.

 

It sounds like you are curious but afraid, so if you are stalling because of this uncertainty, simply don't put yourself through that. This isn't a date, it's people catching up, right? Or was something more implied by him? Was he flirting or suggesting hooking up?

 

Yes, I am both curious and afraid. I don't think it's a date, I've never been on a date with this man, he just said he saw I was still in t =he same city, and it would be cool to see each other again.

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Ok that sounds rather low-key no pressure, so go if you're curious and feel up to it.

Yes, I am both curious and afraid. I don't think it's a date, I've never been on a date with this man, he just said he saw I was still in t =he same city, and it would be cool to see each other again.
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You probably will develop a crush on him again.

 

It's kind of a waste of time because he lives in another country and most long distance things don't work.

 

Unless you think you can just be friends with him. And date other guys.

 

Sounds like you are the back-burner girl.

 

I don't think I could be friends with him, I don't know.

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I never told him I was interested, but I think he could tell I liked him, when he flirted with me, I flirted back. The thing is he continued flirting with me even when he was seeing this other girl, that's what I meant by leading on. I don't really expect much from seeing him again, it just surprised me when he reached out to me. If I decide to meet him, I'll stay sober for sure.

 

Was he exclusive with her -I flirted up a storm when I was dating different people.

I would say there's little harm in meeting him but just don't expect it to be more than a one and done and don't expect him to keep the plan so make it convenient for yourself.

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I mean....you weren't really friends with him so there is really nothing to "catch up" about as far as that goes.

 

You met, you flirted a lot and you very obviously had a crush on him. He knew, but he went after someone else. He is going to be in town for business and he wants to meet up? I think it'd be incredibly naive of you to go into that thinking that he is just looking for a friendly chat. That said, he isn't looking for anything serious either, just a quick lay and he thinks you might still be crushing on him that way, aka he might charm you into it. As Andrina already pointed out - he isn't exactly a quality guy, more of a player and a sleazy one at that. Sounds a lot like him going for another girl was you dodging a bullet.

 

Personally, I wouldn't bother. But that's just me. All this anxiety, I think is your gut talking to you while you are trying to rationalize what's fairly obvious, it's just not the truth you want to deal with. If you are up for a one night stand, go for it. If not, forget him and be "busy" that night.

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Was he exclusive with her -I flirted up a storm when I was dating different people.

I would say there's little harm in meeting him but just don't expect it to be more than a one and done and don't expect him to keep the plan so make it convenient for yourself.

 

They were far from exclusive, my friend told me it was more of a hookup thing. I don't expect that much, I honestly didn't even think I would see him again, his message caught me off guard.

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Honestly? He sounds like a guy who you can't take seriously.

 

I mean, he had a chance with you, he knew you liked him but what did he do? He nicely rejected you and then dated another girl.

He then decides to flirt,etc, but no actual asking you out.

 

It's a kind of rejection, over and over...even if you don't see it.

 

Why is he contacting you now? My guess is he's lonely and looking for a good time. He definitely doesn't sound like someone I would give a second thought to.

 

I'm not down with being someone's 2nd, or 3rd, etc etc choice.

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Enjoy the hook up!!!

Why not?

He wants it, you I presume want it?

 

Why overthink it?

 

There is nothing more than that. He contacted you because you are in the area.

He didn’t contact you when he wasn’t local. Even though he clearly could!

 

If you don’t want a hook up with him , then don’t meet.

If you do then do!

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Enjoy the hook up!!!

Why not?

He wants it, you I presume want it?

 

I don't know for sure if he wants it, he didn't imply it, but I guess you guys might be right about it. I don't know if I want to hook up with him, I still remember how it felt when he hooked up with the other girl, so I'm not sure I want to get involved with him.

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