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Told him I liked him and he said he is not ready for commitment or relationships


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Hi guys.....this is gonna be my first post here. And its gonna be a long one....so sorry, please bear with me!

 

I started liking a guy from Aug' 2019. He was my colleague. I don't know how or when or why I fell for him but as days passed, the feeling grew stronger. We worked for the same company but we were at different locations. Initially I would restrict myself from talking too much to him and he would only talk about work related stuff. Then one day, I gathered enough courage to ask him out for a movie. He said he was going to him home-town so won't be able to make it. I staright up thought that he didn't want to extend any relationship beyond work so I just let it go, even though I was a bit hurt.

Then after a week he suddenly texted me and said that his friend was shifting to a different state and they were going to a pub to hangout, so he would like me to join them. Initially I was hesitant but I said yes and went out with him. I don't know what got into me but I could barely talk. I was almost quiet the entire time. He asked me what I did in my free time and all. He kept the conversation very basic. While dropping me off he said "I think you are really different.....I have never seen someone like you". This made me really happy.

Next week, I asked him if he would go for a movie in the weekend. He said yes. So on Friday I told him that we are going at this n this time for the movie. He said that he is busy, has to meet a friend for some work, thus we didn't go out. What bugged me is that, he knew the wntire time that we planned to go out but he chose to tell me at the last moment that too when I asked him. So I had stopped asking him out after that.

In the meatime, let me tell you guys this, he would hardly see my whatsapp status and stuff. Off late, whatever I used to put up, he would go through them all.

Then I don't know, what got into me, I asked him if he had any plans for 25th or 31st Dec'. He said that he'll see for 31st night and would let me know. I waited and waited but he never said anything. On 31st morning, he suddenly texted me and asked me how I was doing and stuff. So, I asked him what were his plans. He said that his family had come to visit him and he'll be going out with them.

So finally, after waiting for an agonizing 6 months I gathered up the courage to tell him this:

 

Me: Listen, I've been meaning to ask you this but didn't have enough courage and also I find your actions very confusing. I really like you but I don't know if you do. It's ok if you don't. I'd completely understand and back off.

 

Him: Drunk?

 

Me: No

 

Him: It feels really nice to hear something like this from a beautiful girl like you. But I'm not ready for commitment or relationships. As of now, we can share the space between us as friends but I don't see anything beyond that as of now.

 

Me: Okk no issues......I'm sorry I bothered you.....it won't be repeated....Bye!

 

Him: I hope you understand what I meant right?

 

Me: Yes....chill...

 

As I'm writing this, I can feel that he never really thought of me in any special way. But I'm finding it so hard to make my brain and heart understand this thing. I never knew that moving on from someone you never even dated could be this hard. Can someone please tell me as to how to move on from him? And at last, is there any chance that he can be mine?

 

As of now, I've deleted his contact and practicing strict no contact. Just wondering if there is still any chance left...!

 

Thank you sooo much for your help guys

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I'm sorry you're hurt, Kriyah.

 

You move on knowing he's not investing the same heart, emotions, thoughts and care about you so why should you consume yourself about him? He's NOT worth it. He's a waste of your time and energy.

 

You move on by no longer obsessing about him. He's NOT important. Surround yourself with moral friends and supportive family because at the end of the day, it's all that matters. Also, savor your alone time as well.

 

No, there's no chance that he will be yours. He doesn't wish to commit. He wants 'free bird' status. He's made this very clear to you.

 

He just wants to be a friend or an acquaintance at HIS convenience; not yours. If this is good enough for you, it's all he is willing to offer. If you want more, it's best to go your separate ways.

 

You've deleted all contact so this is your way of truly moving on for real.

 

Don't beat yourself up about this. There are better men out there in this world.

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As of now, I've deleted his contact and practicing strict no contact. Just wondering if there is still any chance left...!

 

This is the best plan, because unfortunately, no, there is no chance. He is not interested.

 

Kudos to you for putting yourself out there and asking him what was up, though. The right guy for you will reciprocate your interest.

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I am sorry you are hurting, but I think it is good that you asked. You handled it well.

 

The positive bit, is that you can now move forward and find the right guy.

 

There is no chance. He is not interested.

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Yes he's not interested sorry to say.

 

I think you did the right thing though by laying it all on the line. The reason you were stuck or obsessed is that he ws taking up head's pace. For months things were up and down, looked like there was a possibility of romance and then no chance. Rinse and repeat, putting your head in a spin.

 

It sucks now but in a few months you be fine. You now know the truth of the situation so he won't take up that space and energy he used to have in your life and you can replace it with doing things that make you happy. He will soon fade into memory.

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It sucks now but in a few months you be fine. You now know the truth of the situation so he won't take up that space and energy he used to have in your life and you can replace it with doing things that make you happy. He will soon fade into memory.

 

Thank you soooo much for replying......despite knowing the truth, I'm not able to stop obsessing over him. Maybe coz it's just been 2 days now. I really really hope time heals the pain.

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Hi Cherylyn......thank you so much for taking out time and reading my post.

 

It has been just two day and I'm still obsessing. I hope time heals everything.....God this is hard.

 

Anytime, Kriyah.

 

I'm sorry for your pain. Yes, you are right. Time will heal your wounds. Even though it's hard to remain patient, eventually he will become nothing but a blur. You may not see this right now but his exit from your life is a blessing in disguise. There's another plan for your life despite your not knowing it. One door closes and another door will open for you. The silver lining is, someone who deserves you will be in your future. Never settle for mediocrity or less than mediocrity in this life.

 

The quality of one's character will be your top priority and his sincere, honorable intentions.

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Why would he think you are drunk? Leave him alone, he's not interested. Get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting men outside of work.

I started liking a guy from Aug' 2019. He was my colleague.

Me: Listen, I've been meaning to ask you this but didn't have enough courage and also I find your actions very confusing. I really like you but I don't know if you do. It's ok if you don't. I'd completely understand and back off.

 

Him: Drunk?

 

Me: No

 

Him: It feels really nice to hear something like this from a beautiful girl like you. But I'm not ready for commitment or relationships. As of now, we can share the space between us as friends but I don't see anything beyond that as of now.

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I'm sorry Kriyah, I know it hurts, you were brave to put yourself out there. I think you've handled it really well, and at least you know he's not ready for commitment. He could have tried to string you along, but now you know it's time to move on. Keep yourself busy with family and friends:smug:

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I asked a guy once to be my boyfriend when I was in college -he'd been flirting with me a lot on a weekend retreat. I asked him in person. It was hard! He said no and he started dating a much more attractive looking "cool" girl the next day. Hurt a lot! But I don't regret at all asking him. And back then there was no internet and no cell phones so in person it was (and no landlines on the retreat LOL). I'm sorry it's disappointing and all else equal there was no need to ask really - most men who are interested in dating you will want you to know that ASAP so you don't get snapped up by someone else. From what you wrote it was obvious he wasn't interested in dating you. Had he been he either would have said yes enthusiastically or rescheduled ASAP. Not confusing at all -I know you told yourself that because that way you could have an opening to ask him how he felt but I would avoid indulging that "mixed signals" thing - mixed signals are rare. I dated for many many years on and off - 24!! -and I can tell you now that I'm trying to make new women friends I don't find it mixed when a certain woman will regularly message me "we have to get coffee again!" and I know when I reply "sure - I'd suggested that and you were going to tell me when you were free" - that her response will be...... radio silence. While she posts regularly on facebook about her 4:30am workout routine and marathon training and dog rescue efforts and tons of acronyms that have something to do with various creative work she's pursuing but not doing - but her silence in not writing back 'cool how about Tuesday at 10am" tells me all I need to know.

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No, there is no chance.

 

I'm sorry. Guys are pretty straight forward and if he liked you in a romantic way even a tiny bit, he wouldn't have dismissed you like that.

 

The good news is, he's not the only man in the world. Try to think positive, you never know, Mr. Right might be right around the corner.

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After you asked him to a movie and he bailed, the ball was in his court to ask you to do something. He didn't, and you failed to pick up on that clue. You continued to ask him out. Don't do that in the future. Gauge a guy's interest by seeing if he puts in the same effort, and if he doesn't, there's your answer. You don't need to question him about it.

 

A guy's interest in you or flirting doesn't necessarily spell his interest in dating you. It's nice that you're enthusiastic about someone you're interested in, but be careful of going overboard and scaring someone off. Have a give and take type of dating relationship. Put in effort and then wait for it to be reciprocated. Don't ask him out four times to his one time. Have a life outside of a bf with hobbies and spending time with girlfriends so that the center of your universe doesn't revolve around him. This will be smothering.

 

Learn from this experience and you'll likely have better luck in the future. Try Meetup.com for a good way to meet singles in your age group. Good luck.

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Listen to Andrina. A man who is serious about you won't break dates. Words are cheap. Actions scream.

 

You have a crush on him but he only sees you as a friend. It's a classic miss-match.

 

Look for another guy who likes you as much or more and you'll have a lot less problems.

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I don't think he was ever romantically interested honestly. I would not have confessed. When he didn't follow through in making another plan with you i would have left him alone. He is a colleague after all. I do not think he saw the pub as a "date" while you did. I would not block him if you talk to him for work matters. I just would not accept any other random invite from him and act normally at work like it never happened.

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Can someone please tell me as to how to move on from him?
Yes, with time the sting of rejection will leave you. You had a crush, you had the courage and confidence to ask him out, he declined. That is ALL this is so let it go, pat yourself on the back for having the courage and confidence and now know that you can at least move on from him and be open to any new prospects that come your way.

 

And at last, is there any chance that he can be mine?
With that kind of hoping, you're going to take longer to get to the blissful stage of indifference to him. Let it go and clear your mind of him so your heart can follow.
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I'm not able to stop obsessing over him. Maybe coz it's just been 2 days now.

 

Be patient with yourself. 2 days is nothing.

 

You will one day feel better again, but it will take time. You're already moving in the right direction by going no contact.

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If someone ditched me right before a movie and never asked me out again, that's all I would need to know about any potential with the guy. Time to move your focus onward. He's the guy of your fantasies, but in reality, this is not the guy for you.

 

Head high, and take baby steps to move ahead.

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OP, why would you ask someone what their plans were on Christmas day and New Year’s Eve?

What did you do those days and if he had responded with meeting you on either of those days , who would you have ditched to see him??

 

Who says Dec 25th and 31st??

 

I’m assuming this is a troll !

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There are aspects to a crush like this that are harder than moving on from an encounter that you have had the chance to actually explore. Go easy on yourself and let yourself process the pain. You spent a lot of time building up something that was never going to happen in your mind. Since it is all in your mind, it will take some time to dismantle that imaginary foundation that has been shaken. The key thing is that it was imaginary. You never really found out if you like him or not because it was mostly about the possibility - and in fact his interactions with you have been pretty lame! He's a jerk, not a catch. Even if you don't have romantic feelings for someone, it is still inconsiderate to plan something and then break it off on the day you were supposed to get together.

 

I do wonder how much you followed up on some of these almost-meetings though, and how clear the plans made were. Like, did you plan to see the movie in the morning? Afternoon? Evening? Or was it very loose, to where he may have not picked up that you were that serious about it. When you get the next crush, you might try to be a little more direct. Being direct earlier can get you an answer about whether or not there is potential sooner, and save you a lot of heartache when you pine and wonder.

 

But for now, just go easy on yourself. Find other things to focus on. When you have thoughts about your crush, let yourself feel the bad emotion, but remind yourself of the truth. He just wasn't into you, and wasn't really the catch you were hoping for either. But you have values. Values that would be worth sharing with someone who does care - and is worth it.

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