Resetmb Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Like most posters I don’t want to let this drag on too long and get lost in too much detail but I feel like it’s complicated and it’s long. I really need some help/insight because I’m so dumbfounded. I was left a couple day’s ago by my boyfriend of almost 3 years. He emailed me that he cheated on me and didn’t love me. I wish I could put the amount of detail in this post to paint a complete picture of what our relationship was like but I will include a few examples. A little background- We did not live together yet but had plans to do so. He had been separated from his wife for that period, for financial reasons not divorced yet. He was so concerned about his young children adjusting and I admired that so I didn’t push things to go fast. I hadn’t met them yet but the plan was to start incorporating me in their lives in the next couple of months. He does have them 50% of the time. We have been through some bumps which helped us grow as a couple. He does deal with anxiety and SAD. The anxiety has caused him to become fearful of our relationship and he broke up with me for a couple of days, in the past, a couple of times. We worked through it. I was understanding because I have compassion for people who suffer with mental health issues. He did own his actions and we talked through them and came out with better communication. As our relationship continued to grow, and we became more connected and so close. I was waiting for the rest of the pieces to fall into place. We loved so many of the same things and did so much together. We were together whenever he didn’t have his children. I knew their visitation schedule because he sent me copies of the calendar so I could be kept in the loop. Now for the examples- every night I slept over I would come home in the morning to get ready for work since I would have to drive by my place anyway. So every morning he would send me a voice message. They always included what he enjoyed about our previous night or what he was looking forward to as well as how much he loved me. These never stopped, the message never changed. My goodnight text were always loving and never changed- including a few days before this happened he text that he can’t wait until he can say goodnight to me every night in person forever. We had continued talking about the future and doing future things, including marriage, that kind of talk never stopped. The thing that stumps me the most and I can’t stop thinking about is what happened around Christmas. We were in the car and having a discussion on insecurities, he pulled the car over to grab my hands and look me in the eyes and told me that I was all he ever wanted and dreamed of, he loved me more than he could put into words and said he would never ever hurt me like I had been in the past. He got teary eyed expressing his feelings to me. More was said but that’s the condensed version. We both had happy tears after that. -My first husband left me by blindsiding me and was with someone in no time (probably had her before he left). My bf knew all those specifics but did the same thing evidently— He was down this weekend which is not unusual. With his SAD it happens this time of the year. BTW- he told me last week that his SAD had been so much better since I’ve come into his life and I can see the difference. Even though he was down and more quiet nothing was unusual. But Monday evening my world caved in. He sent the email that he had cheated on me and had feelings for this other person. Of course I asked questions and he would not answer anything about this person except that they had a “drink here and there” since the beginning of December. He couldn’t tell me around when his feelings started to change. I almost feel like he is lying about this to get rid of me but I am working on accepting it as the truth: what happened? How does someone who tells you they love you so much and they don’t feel like themselves without me with him have an affair and dump me? What kind of person does that? I know he’s done and I have not reached out to him since our text conversation that night. I don’t plan on reaching out either anytime soon. I think what he did is the cruelest thing he could have done to someone who he “had loved with his whole heart”. I can’t turn off love, all I can do is work on me. I am absolutely devastated though. I don’t want to keep analyzing every detail but I don’t think I will ever trust anyone again if I can’t get some kind of answer/understanding. Link to comment
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