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Confused, or maybe just stupid


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I need an outside opinion. A girl I really really like and have a history with broke up with her boyfriend last week, and she texted me as soon as she did, and I’m not sure what to think of it. At first she was texting me all day and responding me to like super fast, telling me she misses me, telling me she really wants me to go visit her and spend the weekend with her and etc. It was amazing, now we only text for a 2 hour time period throughout the day, she just stops answering mid conversation, then posts on insta, and I don’t hear from her. It really ing sucks but I figure w/e she lost interest. Then she’ll just text me out of nowhere almost a full day after not saying anything, and start talking to me. She’s done this the past 4 days and it’s really ing with me. I don’t want to text her and confront her because it looks super clingy/desperate but it’s really messing with my head. She hit me up first, she always had interest in me for whatever reason, we have really good chemistry in person. Idk what to do, I can’t talk about this with my friends because our whole friend group knows each other. It’s making me mad, I’ve been with plenty of women before but I’ve only had feelings for her and my ex. I’m not sure what the problem is, i could really use some advice

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Important to add that we have been with each other physically in the past. She confessed how much she liked me when I broke up with my ex a year and a half ago, we had a good thing for a couple of weeks but long story short I started ignoring her, and briefly and secretly took my ex back. The more I ignored her, tried to steer her away, and treated her like garbage the more she wanted me. Eventually I told her about my ex, she started dating someone else a month later, I broke up with my ex the same time. In that year and a half they dated, she would message me a lot but lost interest after a day. I wouldn’t message her first I don’t want to be the reason she breaks up with him because even if I’m not with her, I still care about her. My friend group went away last summer for a weekend and she brought her boyfriend and I was single, we spoke in the corner for most of the first night and were flirting really hard as her boyfriend was asleep. I really wanted her and it took every ounce of self control to not absolutely attack her beautiful lips. We didn’t get much alone time rest of the weekend, turns out she was ready to break up with her boyfriend right then and there if I just told her how I felt about her, or if I made a move on her, she told this to our female friends and they told me a couple of months after. Fast forward to a week ago, I’ve though about her at least once a day for the past year and a half. I didn’t know how amazing she was until I lost her. She broke up with her boyfriend last week, he seemed like a nice guy, but he was a piece of . He was on Grindr hooking up with guys behind her back, and one of the guys he hooked up with messaged her on Instagram and told her everything, because he was in love with him. She was really hurt, messaged me, we talked about it for a little bit, then she told me how she needs me to come see her, she missed me so much, and that she needs a real man to give her some. The first day that she stopped answering me, she messaged me almost a full day later, asking how my day went, and I told her it was good, and that I wanted to message her earlier but I knew she was going through some and I didn’t want to bother her. She thought it was so sweet and appreciated it .Same thing happened the next 3 days, and now here I am, extremely stressed and asking for all the help I could get. Sorry for the mouthful, I appreciate everything!!

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Unfortunately because everyone is randomly sleeping with everyone the best thing you can do is get to a doctor for a full STD panel. Use condoms and stop dating her and start fresh. Stop having sex until you get checked for STDs. Do not keep going back and forth between a bunch of girls from your friend group.

 

It sounds like everyone may need to get to a the clinic for STD tests and condoms. Keep in mind STD are transmitted through oral sex as well. Read up on this: https://www.cdc.gov/std/stats17/msm.htm

The more I ignored her, tried to steer her away, and treated her like garbage the more she wanted me. She broke up with her boyfriend last week, he seemed like a nice guy, but he was a piece of . He was on Grindr hooking up with guys behind her back
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have you ever heard of being a stepping stone? because that is what you are to her. She is just using you as a buffer while she heals from her breakup...kinda of getting attention to give herself an ego boost. Anyone who gets dumped feels pretty low so she's reaching out to you and probably other guys to keep her high. It's not what you think, so you better not get your hopes up. I recommend you ignore her and don't reach out. Never be the hopeless shlep being stepped on.

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Well, If I was her, I wouldn't give you much attention either since you used her while you secretly tried it on again with your ex. however, I'll give you some advice anyway.

 

telling me she misses me, telling me she really wants me to go visit her and spend the weekend with her and etc.
Quit texting and ask her out on a proper date. If she turns you down then block and delete her so you can get over your infatuation of her and find someone who actually makes an effort to show you she's into you.

 

Text text text That's a bs way to court someone.

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have you ever heard of being a stepping stone? because that is what you are to her. She is just using you as a buffer while she heals from her breakup...kinda of getting attention to give herself an ego boost. Anyone who gets dumped feels pretty low so she's reaching out to you and probably other guys to keep her high. It's not what you think, so you better not get your hopes up. I recommend you ignore her and don't reach out. Never be the hopeless shlep being stepped on.

 

 

I’m starting to think that as well she did the same thing today, just sucks to hear. Not going to ignore her though, if there’s a chance I need to take it

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Well, If I was her, I wouldn't give you much attention either since you used her while you secretly tried it on again with your ex. however, I'll give you some advice anyway.

 

Quit texting and ask her out on a proper date. If she turns you down then block and delete her so you can get over your infatuation of her and find someone who actually makes an effort to show you she's into you.

 

Text text text That's a bs way to court someone.

 

She is 3+ hours and 4 states away, it’s not that simple. That’s why we are texting, if driving to see her was an option I would but she’s away at school, and I can’t just invite myself to stay with her anymore at this point

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Call her, ask her out on a real date (gasp) and keep your clothes on.

 

There’s nothing I’d love to do more than take her on a date, but she is 3 hours away, and I’m not sure what she wants, and I’m not even sure she knows what she wants. She just got out of a relationship she could want to date me, she could just want someone to talk to, she could just want something casual, she could be using me to make herself feel better and etc. If I ask her out and tell her how I feel it could scare her off, but either way, with what’s going on now, I can’t make any progress with 2 hours and 12 texts a day and I don’t know what to do

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You do know what to do.... Stop wasting your time on her. Go out and date chicks in your area and leave her alone. She's not interested nor are you (really) if you were, you'd put yourself out there and ask for that date. If she was into you, you wouldn't scare her off so stop making excuses. We've all experienced rejection in one way or another and although it may sting, it sure won't kill you and it will certainly allow you to get over any crushing you may be doing when/if you know you're not what she's looking for.

 

As Wayne Gretsky said: "You lose 100% of the shots you never take."

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have you ever heard of being a stepping stone? because that is what you are to her. She is just using you as a buffer while she heals from her breakup...kinda of getting attention to give herself an ego boost. Anyone who gets dumped feels pretty low so she's reaching out to you and probably other guys to keep her high. It's not what you think, so you better not get your hopes up. I recommend you ignore her and don't reach out. Never be the hopeless shlep being stepped on.

 

- this could very well be true also. Google: Rebound relationship

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Dude, you are quite obviously her Fall-Back Boy.

 

She is hurting from her break-up and wants attention and validation, and knew she could get that from you. It doesn't mean she has genuine feelings for you. She sounds like the type who can't stand being single so she is grasping at something to make her feel attractive and wanted. You just happen to be the guy that can supply it, until she doesn't need it anymore. She's likely not feeling quite so burned now that a few days have passed since the break-up, so she's fine not texting you all the time. The urge to fluff up her self-esteem isn't as urgent as it was last week, so she's not in constant contact anymore.

 

I would not count on this leading anywhere significant for you and her.

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She is 3+ hours and 4 states away, it’s not that simple. That’s why we are texting, if driving to see her was an option I would but she’s away at school, and I can’t just invite myself to stay with her anymore at this point

 

In that case I wouldn't waste anymore time on this situation. You're getting nothing but scraps and crumbs from it. I'd move on to where the grass is greener, like in your own backyard.

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Well, Wednesday was a good day we talked all day and Video called on Snapchat all night, but then same then same thing Thursday, 2/3 texts from her in the morning then nothing since then. Think everyone was right she just wants someone to talk to, just really didn’t want to believe it. Even if she texts back i won’t answer, i guess that’s the right thing to do even though it ing sucks.

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Well, Wednesday was a good day we talked all day and Video called on Snapchat all night, but then same then same thing Thursday, 2/3 texts from her in the morning then nothing since then. Think everyone was right she just wants someone to talk to, just really didn’t want to believe it. Even if she texts back i won’t answer, i guess that’s the right thing to do even though it ing sucks.

Yes just slowly do the fade and don't always be there at her beck and call. When she asks you why you didn't respond then just tell her you were out with friends or on a date. Don't lie though... just get yourself out there and make friends and find dates. If you're not just going to tell her that you are tired of being a chat buddy then at least do the fade rather than ghosting which is a crappy thing to do to anyone.

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Well, Wednesday was a good day we talked all day and Video called on Snapchat all night, but then same then same thing Thursday, 2/3 texts from her in the morning then nothing since then. Think everyone was right she just wants someone to talk to, just really didn’t want to believe it. Even if she texts back i won’t answer, i guess that’s the right thing to do even though it ing sucks.

 

Yes, but lots of things in life suck. That's why it's best to leave those things behind and focus on things that don't suck.

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Well, Wednesday was a good day we talked all day and Video called on Snapchat all night, but then same then same thing Thursday, 2/3 texts from her in the morning then nothing since then. Think everyone was right she just wants someone to talk to, just really didn’t want to believe it. Even if she texts back i won’t answer, i guess that’s the right thing to do even though it ing sucks.

 

Perhaps you needed to be proverbially bonked over the head with reality a couple times to see this for what it was: a distraction from her break-up.

 

I would move on, man. This isn't going anywhere good for you.

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