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Why do girls constantly cancel on me at the last second?


MrIncredible
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I just don't understand it and it's really frustrating. It's been happening WAY too often lately, but everytime I talk to a girl either from Tinder or someone I meet in person we exchange a number of texts talking and getting to know each other with some flirting going on between both of us. But as soon as I make plans with them they agree to it, but then boom they cancel usually the day we're supposed to get together or literally a few hours before.

They ALWAYS hit me with the excuse of "oh sorry not feeling well tonight" or some crap like that. I just assume they're out with their friends or hanging out with a different guy instead, so I quickly lose interest and stop messaging them; in which kills the communication entirely because they don't ever send a message to reschedule. It's strange because they seem genuinely interested at first talking to me.

 

In the past 2 weeks I've had a total of 4 girls cancel on me all with similar excuses, and I just don't know what to do or what I'm doing wrong. I have a friend who is very successful and hardly ever has females cancel on him. Not going to lie but it's kind of hurting my confidence and self esteem, and giving me a pessimistic mentality of "what's the point of talking to this next girl, she'll just cancel like the others".

Any advice?

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I had a guy who had been flirting with me online for the last week or so, and made a date with me last night for tonight. Normally I don’t make dates for The next night because as a single mom I’m usually kind of busy with my daughter but I knew that I would be able to find a babysitter so I said yes I’d love to go out tonight. He ended up canceling on me this afternoon because of work. He works at a hotel and said that there was some emergency so I figured there’s some truth to it, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but be cynical. However, he made the date, he gave me his number, he was initiating everything, so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. Because why initiate, why make a date, why give me your number, if you’re just going to back out last minute?

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I’m a girl, and I can imagine being one of those girls who canceled on you. I would probably do that if I was really nervous about the date. I would suggest giving it a little more time before making plans. Chat a little more and get more comfortable with each other before going on a first date. I don’t know all the factors that went into this, but if you’re rushing into a possible relationship, especially one that started over an app, that could be a little daunting to a lady.

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You might be coming off as a little desperate. That's a lot of girls to ask out in a short time. Rather than zeroing in on that special lady, you are firing off lots of invites in an attempt to get laid. And girls can sense that! Many girls like to feel somewhat special, and so if they perceive you as just another horny guy, they will back off. Other girls could care less. So, you have a couple options: you could try and meet someone special, and treat them nicely, or continue asking as many girls out as possible if all you are looking for is rough sex. both of those options are valid and have been used throughout the ages.

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Imo, there is no point in taking this too personally. These girls are all strangers to you at that point. They don't know you and you don't know them. It's not necessarily about you.

 

Especially Tinder is a totally random environment where people treat each other like avatars in an online game. Just as it's very easy to start a conversation online and agree to a date, it's very easy to cancel because you are virtual strangers so most people feel no obligation to follow through. It sounds like you get more emotionally invested in these arrangements than it is warranted given that you are all total strangers at that point.

 

Imo, Tinder arrangements are not to be taken too seriously as they can fall through just as easily as they are started. Imo, you need to approach OLD with lower expectations because it is very random who you will meet and most persons are liable to abort a meeting just as easily as they may schedule one.

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There's a big difference between someone who simply cancels because they're "feeling ill" and someone who cancels for whatever reason, but suggests an alternative date. If they say, "I'm so sorry to do this with such little notice, but I'm really not feeling very well today. Would you be free on Monday (or whenever) instead?" then it's more likely genuine and they have taken the initiative to rearrange. If they cancel and say nothing then they're probably just backing out for whatever reason and don't have the guts to just be honest about it.

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Get on some quality (paid) dating apps. Message only a couple of times then meet for a brief coffee. If that goes well ask them out In Advance for a date the coming weekend.Do not try to build rapport by texting and flirting. That gets very old very fast and they move on to someone who Asks Them Out. promptly.

everytime I talk to a girl either from Tinder or someone I meet in person we exchange a number of texts talking and getting to know each other with some flirting
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You might be coming off as a little desperate. That's a lot of girls to ask out in a short time. Rather than zeroing in on that special lady, you are firing off lots of invites in an attempt to get laid. And girls can sense that! Many girls like to feel somewhat special, and so if they perceive you as just another horny guy, they will back off. Other girls could care less. So, you have a couple options: you could try and meet someone special, and treat them nicely, or continue asking as many girls out as possible if all you are looking for is rough sex. both of those options are valid and have been used throughout the ages.

 

Thing is, I ask them out in the most non desperate way possible. I always talk to them casually through text/snapchat for at least a week or 2, letting us get to know basics about each other, then I ask them if they'd like to get together sometime. They will say yes, I make plans, they agree, and then they cancel at the last second. That's the problem I'm having. The reason I use Tinder over other apps is I'm not even looking for anything serious or in particular right now, my mindset is 'whatever happens, happens' and that's typically what girls look for as well.

I'm very casual about meeting up with girls and make sure there is no pressure or expectations or anything, that's in general and not just online. Hell I'm not even a fan of online dating, I only use Tinder because it isn't really used for dating.

 

Some girls will even initiate hanging out with me first and send me flirty texts like they want to hookup, but rarely come through when plans I make plans. Women are very confusing.

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I agree with, Wiseman. It's not so much that there's a problem with you, but it has more to do with the site you found these girls on and how many of them are actually game players or are sincere.

 

Tinder doesn't have the best reputation.

 

Are you looking for a hookup or a serious relationship? If it's the latter, then you should look elsewhere. Try better dating sites. Paying ones will have more serious people on them and not the freebies, with people who are messing about.

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The reason I use Tinder over other apps is I'm not even looking for anything serious

 

If that's the case, and you're okay with "whatever happens, happens" then expect more silliness from girls who are playing around on these sites.

If you haven't even met them in person on at the very least, cammed with them, you don't know what you're dealing with.

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Ok...that's the problem. Too many lateral moves. Texting snapping etc? While you are wasting your time doing this they are meeting men for coffee. Men who ask them out on dates and show real interest. When you change your approach you'll change your results. You're the common denominator. This approach is not laid back or "non desperate" it's timid and weak. Do you have your own place? Is there a reason you won't meet them in a timely fashion?

 

The only women you'll attract with this approach are the ones who only want a text buddy. You get to know people face to face over a brief coffee/drink not online chitchat. Also using garbage apps and a nebulous casual drawn out approach pretty much assures that you won't seal the deal anytime soon. All the other guys on these apps are not tiptoeing around like is this in this type of nebulous confusing disorganized way. They are the ones getting the dates.

I always talk to them casually through text/snapchat for at least a week or 2 The reason I use Tinder over other apps is I'm not even looking for anything serious or in particular right now
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I’m a girl, and I can imagine being one of those girls who canceled on you. I would probably do that if I was really nervous about the date. I would suggest giving it a little more time before making plans. Chat a little more and get more comfortable with each other before going on a first date. I don’t know all the factors that went into this, but if you’re rushing into a possible relationship, especially one that started over an app, that could be a little daunting to a lady.

 

This ^^^

 

OP is doing a lot of "assuming" (assuming they're out with other men, etc.) which is very likely not correct. Women value safety and non-pressure and want to meet someone who makes them feel comfortable, so don't rush to meet right away because meeting strangers can be very nerve-wracking. Follow up when they cancel. This shows interest, but don't be pushy about it. They will let you know when they're ready to meet.

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If you're not looking for anything serious you're more likely to encounter people who have a casual approach to meeting in the first place -using a dating site for casual interactions or arrangements seems like a lot of time and effort just for hanging out - and if your goal is casual sex that probably has even a higher percentage of people who flake at the last minute. Without a serious mindset or goal for the future the meeting of a stranger to hang out and hook up often can be a very low priority.

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Women are very confusing. you hit the nail on the head

 

we really aren't.

the trouble is that you are not clear in you intentions.

you are on Tinder because "its not really used for dating" and you expect to find someone sincere who wants to go on a coffee date with you.

You are not really clear what you actually want - and therefore are interacting with women who match what you want because you don't even know what that is.

Get clear on what you actually want

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This...

 

Ok...that's the problem. Too many lateral moves. Texting snapping etc? While you are wasting your time doing this they are meeting men for coffee. Men who ask them out on dates and show real interest. When you change your approach you'll change your results. You're the common denominator. This approach is not laid back or "non desperate" it's timid and weak.

 

Plus this..

 

You are not really clear what you actually want - and therefore are interacting with women who match what you want because you don't even know what that is. Get clear on what you actually want

 

...seems like a good place to start to explore the snag.

 

I've used apps when I was in a casual headspace, a foggy one, and when I was very much wanting a committed relationship. One thing that was constant in all those modes: I wanted to meet people in 3D, and did not want chat buddies. I never "slid" into text messages, or IG, or all that, since I don't like that stuff cluttered with strangers.

 

So after just enough banter to ensure we weren't crazy or wouldn't be bored over coffee of a beer or a walk around a few blocks, I asked if someone felt like grabbing coffee or a beer or walking around a few blocks. Worked pretty well. Some cancellations—and sometimes I canceled—but all in all I met people. And whatever happened, happened.

 

So maybe chill with the app to text to snap transition, and just get to the point? Nothing wrong with wanting casual, nothing wrong with being primarily focused on hooking up, nothing wrong with being open to whatever—but just own it, own it quickly, and do the see-where-it-goes part in 3D, not spread out over numerous mobile apps.

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