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My wife's sexual affair with her personal trainer


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Your anger is somewhat misdirected. If your wife found it necessary to stray, she would have done so with this guy or some other.

 

Not to minimize the intense, justified feelings you are having at the moment. I think it's entirely normal to be angry and want people to pay for their crimes. But I can almost promise you, 6 months or a year from now you will look back and agree that the time, money and effort trying to punish this guy was energy wasted. You won't have anything to show for it other than believing it was justified or right.

 

We can attest to it here > Your anger is just and they are wrong. Throwing money at it doesn't change the outcome.

 

I'm sorry. It's a difficult time for you, no doubt. Put that otherwise wasted energy you have directed on him and use it by taking care of yourself and being the best dad possible. That's how you come out the other side a better person for having done so. I get it doesn't feel that way in the moment, but it will.

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Agree. This is not a turf war over your wife. She is the one who cheated on you. Your anger is misdirected. Do not pursue idiot torts which besides divorce and custody keep you in court with expensive attorneys. Use common sense and be realistic and perhaps have a therapist in your corner to put things in perspective.

Why are you upset at the personal trainer? If it wasn't him. It would be another guy. He liberated you from a woman that truly doesn't love you anymore.
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Why not put this behind you, move on with your life, and find a new woman? The best revenge is a new girlfriend.

I don't think he should use another woman to get over this. He should have a sufficient amount of time to process this mess and move onto a healthier place. The focus should be the kids, not another woman. The kids don't need this either, as they are healing.

 

Bringing another person into the fold makes zero sense.

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I totally get wanting to get the jerk fired for treating his job as a pick up joint. Some gyms would actually terminate for that kind of behavior.

 

However, your main beef is with your cheating wife. Once a wife decided to not keep her knees together there is an unending line of willing participants.

 

So if it were not the trainer it would be the butcher, baker, and/or the candlestick maker. Capiche?

 

It is better to focus on making your future great for yourself and your children.

 

You cannot unwind the past and you can't mete out punishment to the offenders.

 

So, so, so frustrating! Yup.

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About pissed in his pants: I'm a wrestler, he is a body builder. I know it was my desperate move getting him out for talk. But it was such a pleasure looking in his eyes, he asked for my permission to use a bathroom in the restaurant offering his to leave his cell phone on the table. I did my best not to touch him, and I'm proud of it.

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Work on coparenting your kids. If you are out to destroy their mother they wont thank you. Any counsellor in the universe will tell you to never badmouth a parent to a child. Your children are half that other parent. Parents trying to destroy each other emotionally destroy children. My brother’s ex wife was a cheater . She does everything to make my brother look bad in front of his kids. The oldest is now 18 and has devastating issues. My brother never badmouths his ex ever to his kids.

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Already got one, 11 years younger then ex.

 

What does 11 years younger have to do with it? It doesn't mean she's anything better. And the last thing you need is another useless woman who is going to cause just as many problems for you as your ex.

 

If you were a smart man, you'd forgo the women right now and again, focus on your children. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. You need to heal and to take care of your family.

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My brother never badmouths his ex ever to his kids.

 

Agree, Seraphim.

 

Op, I know you're hurting. I know you want some kind of justice, maybe even revenge. These are natural feelings to have in the face of this kind of betrayal. But it is sincerely useless to both you and your children.

 

This is why we have advised counselling. Find a better way to deal with all of your emotions right now.

Does a cheater deserve justice, revenge? If they do, that's something you need to leave to high powers to deal with. God, Universe, whomever. But you don't need to take it upon yourself as it will only cause bitterness in you and anger/hate that will end up destroying you.

Trust me on that one.

 

Go to a trusted confidante. Cry, scream, get those feelings out. Even if you're not okay with talking to someone about it all, drive yourself out to the country, stand in the middle of nowhere and yell/cry/scream in order to get all of those bad feelings out of you. (or at least some of them). But don't internalize them and focus on revenge or things along those lines.

It won't help and it won't make things better in any sense.

 

You have children to worry about. THEY matter. Not her, not him. YOUR CHILDREN. They are the innocent victims in this case and it's your job as their Dad to protect them from the ugliness of it all.

It will be difficult enough for them to come to terms with their family separating. The transition of a new home, a new situation.

The last thing they need is for Mom or Dad to get mental or for this situation to become far worse and they are now in the middle of all of it.

 

You've got one chance on how you are going to deal with this and how you allow it to affect your children. Once damage is done, it can't be undone.

I know you are dealing with loads of upset, but please don't bring your children into it.

Wanting to completely ruin their mother, will affect them.

 

You CAN heal from this and take the high road. You can be the better man and care more on healing and making sure your family is okay.

I hope you do.

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You got her legally evicted? As in, you have a court document stating she must vacate the premises or risk being in contempt of the court order?

 

And judges don't grant restraining orders for no reason. There must be provable threats or actual violence. Things like verbal threats, pushing or shoving, texts or email or voice mails, etc. Did she get the restraining order based on your threats to beat up the affair guy? Or did you threaten her too?

 

You are going about this the wrong way, buddy. If you only see the kids every two weeks, YOU did that part. The affair is on her but the lack of time with the kids is a result of the knee-jerk, poor choices you are making.

 

Figure out what's more important. Time with your kids or REVENGE.

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