Cherylyn Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Start charging him the $50 cleaning fee starting now or institute this new charge when he starts paying his rent for upcoming months. Or, tell him in advance or prorate it. If he can afford the extra $50 per month and continues to leave messes behind, then increase $50. to $60. Keep increasing the cleaning fee rate if he's irresponsible about keeping his messes at bay. Sooner or later, he'll start to feel the noose getting tighter around his neck. He'll feel the pinch. If you decide to purchase a home and have a mortgage, don't share your home with him because this problem will never go away unless you desire discord and a dispute with him regarding his lack of cleanliness and endless fights will ensue regarding cleaning fees and his slob lifestyle. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Start charging him the $50 cleaning fee starting now or institute this new charge when he starts paying his rent for upcoming months. Or, tell him in advance or prorate it. If he can afford the extra $50 per month and continues to leave messes behind, then increase $50. to $60. Keep increasing the cleaning fee rate if he's irresponsible about keeping his messes at bay. Sooner or later, he'll start to feel the noose getting tighter around his neck. He'll feel the pinch. If you decide to purchase a home and have a mortgage, don't share your home with him because this problem will never go away unless you desire discord and a dispute with him regarding his lack of cleanliness and endless fights will ensue regarding cleaning fees and his slob lifestyle. She said they are buying the home they're currently living in and he will remain because they can't afford the payment without his rent money. What I can't get past (other than trapping themselves in a home they can't afford) is sharing one bathroom with 3 other people. That sounds like a nightmare even with scrupulously clean roommates. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Charge the extra for a cleaner. But also, get extra revenue stream with a part time or casual job outside the home. Not only to help financially but to get you out of the house more so you aren't stressing so much. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Why can't he afford his own place? You should not be living off him. Stop talking at your husband BIL and stepson. It hasn't worked. You gave ZERO leverage because you are too dependent on him financially. It's three against one. Your husband his brother and his son are simply treating you like the help. Your husband lives off his brother and uses you as the nanny and maid. Why would any of them bother changing when your husband's laziness and interpersonal exploitation is paying off so handsomely? Why aren't you and your husband working real earning day jobs? Your step son can live with his mother and get a part-time job. You need to get a real paying job, get divorced and out of this three-ring circus. The thing is, the BIL makes more money than both of us combined Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Treating your BIL like an adult that he is, is not rude. Nagging and nagging like he is a kid who you can teach to clean his room is not only rude, but absurd and, as you are learning, completely futile. He's been living you for 7 years? His rent should have gone up with time. It would with any other rent situation. Just like you are getting the benefit of him living there financially, he is also getting a huge benefit of living with you - cheap rent and maid/cook services. On top of that, yes, hire a house cleaner to come scrub the kitchen, bathrooms, etc and charge your BIL. If he doesn't feel like cleaning after himself, that's his business. Since he lives with you, your business to come up with a compromise, aka hire a cleaner and BIL needs to contribute financially to what he doesn't want to do personally. This is not being rude, this is life and treating adults like adults. Since you are purchasing the house, yes, this is a perfect opportunity to tactfully change some rules, charge for cleaner, up the rent. Doesn't have to be a lot, but enough that you don't have to lose your mind with the cleaning and can get proper help. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 If you are thinking of buying a place, buy one that has a mother-in law suite. He can still share paying the mortgage, but still have your privacy/own space. Or rent a place that has a separate suite so it doesn't matter how sloppy he is, only he has to put up with it. I guarantee you he will be hiring a housekeeper on his own. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 If you are thinking of buying a place, buy one that has a mother-in law suite. He can still share paying the mortgage, but still have your privacy/own space. Or rent a place that has a separate suite so it doesn't matter how sloppy he is, only he has to put up with it. I guarantee you he will be hiring a housekeeper on his own. She said they are buying the place they are currently living in. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I wouldn't play the game of charging more and see if it forces him to clean properly..why? Because what are you going to do if he get's angry and decides to move out? Then you are in a pickle. If he's hardly there anyway, I personally wouldn't push it, especially since he's the main reason why you will be able to afford buying this house. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Sit down with him, talk to him properly without threats, or added on fees. Who knows? It might be enough that he will start picking up after himself a bit more. But the unfortunate part is, by the sounds of it, he is very much needed right now financially and it's not really something you can risk by getting him upset and possibly forcing him to leave. Link to comment
undertheivy Posted January 23, 2020 Author Share Posted January 23, 2020 Sit down with him, talk to him properly without threats, or added on fees. Who knows? It might be enough that he will start picking up after himself a bit more. But the unfortunate part is, by the sounds of it, he is very much needed right now financially and it's not really something you can risk by getting him upset and possibly forcing him to leave. I totally agree and think this is what I’ll do. And that’s what I’ve been struggling with - not wanting to scare him off but get it across to him that we need him to do his fair share. Thank you for your kind reply and advice! Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 She said they are buying the home they're currently living in and he will remain because they can't afford the payment without his rent money. What I can't get past (other than trapping themselves in a home they can't afford) is sharing one bathroom with 3 other people. That sounds like a nightmare even with scrupulously clean roommates. She shouldn't buy a house if she's dependent on his share of the rent to pay the mortgage every month. It's time to kick him out and downsize. In order to have peace, there are always sacrifices. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 She said they are buying the place they are currently living in. I know.....I was making a suggestion to buy something more suitable for their arrangement....and if he leaves they can still rent it out to someone else. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Has your husband ever had that conversation with him? Why not let your husband talk to him? Coming from you it sounds like just more nagging and will continue to get ignored.. get it across to him that we need him to do his fair share. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I totally agree and think this is what I’ll do. And that’s what I’ve been struggling with - not wanting to scare him off but get it across to him that we need him to do his fair share. Thank you for your kind reply and advice! Yes, keep talking and talking because the previous 1000 conversations worked out so well with such fab results. No, you don't need to keep talking. Also, you should not be the one talking to BIL about increasing the rent. That should be strictly a conversation between the brothers. Also, there is no need to make it contentious. Keep it to business - buying house, need to up rent by x much. Thanks for understanding bro. Stop being doormats, both of you, OP. If the BIL wants to get mad, he will face a quick reality of having to pay way more rent somewhere else, without the benefits of cleaning/cooking service. People are selfish, OP, and like I said earlier, the financial benefit goes both ways. Worst case, if you really need the extra income and need to rent a room out, you'll do it and you'll find that sometimes a stranger that's actually clean and decent is a much better roommate with less stress than filthy BIL. Still I doubt he'll go anywhere - too much effort, too much expense. If you waste this opportunity to up the rent so you can hire some cleaning help, honestly you can just quit complaining and keep cleaning, because you have no one to blame but yourself for your situation at that point. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 if you really need the extra income and need to rent a room out, you'll do it and you'll find that sometimes a stranger that's actually clean and decent is a much better roommate with less stress than filthy BIL To be honest, I thought this was a much better idea. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 Why won't your husband help clean? Why won't he talk to his brother or his son? After all they are his family. Why does that also become your task? It seems your husband (and his family) leaves you with all the dirty work literally and figuratively. Ask your husband to talk to his brother and his son. Why be the nagging angry heavy? Let hubby do it. I currently live with my husband, step son, and my brother in law. My brother in law (age 35) has lived with us for 7 years, and as of about a year ago my step son (age 16) lives with us full time. I was thinking of having a talk with him one final time and giving him an ultimatum: Link to comment
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