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Boyfriend making me keep a secret and being mad because it got out


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A while back my boyfriend made a bad decision whilst drunk and confessed to me that night whilst I was sleeping. I woke up the next morning worried sick if he was okay and it put me through so much stress and trauma. He was thankfully okay and whether the decision was right or not I moved on from it purely because he was safe.

 

Last weekend whilst myself drunk I have been accused (no memory) of telling one of his family friends about the previous situation. I know this was wrong but clearly alcohol was involved and although I thought I was okay drunk me clearly had different ideas and had built it up to this point.

 

Obviously word has gone back to his family and he is unhappy with me because I have told someone and they will now disapprove of him. I feel absolutely awful about it all because it was unintentional (I was drunk) however he's now telling me now not to see him this weekend (I travel 2 hours to see him for the weekend) even though I have booked time off work to visit.

 

I just wanted to know whether I am completely in the wrong here or if he is being unfair treating me this way for a mistake HE initially made.

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A person who makes a bad decision while drunk should learn from that lesson and no longer drink. You both drink to mental impairment, and apparently haven't learned that if you can't control what you do or say, that perhaps you should find fun in life without drinking. Alcoholism runs strong on one side of my family. I've had many relatives die young because of this vice, and have many relatives who have now been sober for many years and are so much happier and regularly announce their joy about it at every yearly milestone. There are other ways to have fun and be social.

 

I predict if you both stop drinking, it will take away one less problem in your life. Have a talk with him about both making changes in your life for better success of your relationship.

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When you choose to get wasted, you choose to accept the consequences of your actions. That goes for both of you. Neither one of you has clean hands in this and yes, to answer your question, he needs to own his part and not just blame you 100%. You both sound very young and still learning the whole adulting thing -> choices = consequences, so choose wisely. Some consequences you can't erase.

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Whilst I understand I have done something wrong I just feel its unfair that its pinned down all onto me when it was in fact him that made the mistake int he first place, and to punish me by not letting me see him when I don't get to often see him is just not fair.

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Whilst I understand I have done something wrong I just feel its unfair that its pinned down all onto me when it was in fact him that made the mistake int he first place, and to punish me by not letting me see him when I don't get to often see him is just not fair.

 

Is this is how he acts and treats you when life doesn't go his way....you might want to reconsider this relationship and whether you should continue to see him at all. In your shoes, I wouldn't. I don't tolerate people who throw punitive tantrums and you shouldn't tolerate that either. Plenty more guys out there who are much more decent. No reason to settle for a jerk.

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Whilst I understand I have done something wrong I just feel its unfair that its pinned down all onto me when it was in fact him that made the mistake int he first place, and to punish me by not letting me see him when I don't get to often see him is just not fair.

 

You feel its "unfair" that you divulged a secret that he trusted you with? Too bad. You broke a promise and your drunken state has no bearing on the fact that now he can't trust you. Time to take responsibility for your actions and apologise if you haven't already and if he doesn't accept your apology then learn to understand that there are always consequences to your actions that you're not always going to think are "fair" but you will have to suffer through regardless.

 

Time to grow up and realize that: What he did has nothing to do with your mistake of blabbing out something he told you in confidence.

 

I think that if anyone should reconsider the relationship it should be him which he currently appears to be doing.

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Whilst I understand I have done something wrong I just feel its unfair that its pinned down all onto me when it was in fact him that made the mistake int he first place, and to punish me by not letting me see him when I don't get to often see him is just not fair.

 

When people are upset. You need to give somebody time to breathe and get over it.

 

You can't expect him to want to see you after making him look bad.

 

These type of relationship issues can either break or make the relationship stronger.

 

I say. Take the time off from work and enjoy it. We all need breaks to think.

 

Good luck to you.

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I realise now that I sounded rather childish saying "its not fair". The relationship itself is fine, he is just angry about the circumstance and doesn't want me to see him considering I put a lot of time and effort into travelling to visit him. If anything from my perspective he is the one that needs to grow up? I appreciate the honest feedback.

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I realise now that I sounded rather childish saying "its not fair". The relationship itself is fine, he is just angry about the circumstance and doesn't want me to see him considering I put a lot of time and effort into travelling to visit him. If anything from my perspective he is the one that needs to grow up? I appreciate the honest feedback.

 

I put a lot of time and effort into travelling to visit him. That's a very selfish response. Relationships are partnerships. No I in the word Team.

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I realise now that I sounded rather childish saying "its not fair". The relationship itself is fine, he is just angry about the circumstance and doesn't want me to see him considering I put a lot of time and effort into travelling to visit him. If anything from my perspective he is the one that needs to grow up? I appreciate the honest feedback.

You travelled to see him because you wanted to. Don't count that as you being magnanimous and therefore being owed something. You're still not taking responsibility for your actions which says a lot about who is mature and who isn't.

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I agree with the others. Both of you are choosing to drink way too much particularly given the consequences of your choices. Be honest with yourself about how often you choose to get buzzed or drunk and consider whether it's time to seek outside help.

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Sorry to hear this. Ok 28 weeks of dating is a good time to see what he is like and so far it doesn't seem good. First he does something while drunk then he chases that by "punishing you" for being honest. This is not a character who will make you happy or be uplifting.

 

Why? Because first of all he drinks too much, secondly he blames everyone and everything else for his actions. Take time away from him to reflect on why you would want anyone like this in your life. Let your common sense be your guide. Talk to some trusted adults about this.

it was in fact him that made the mistake int he first place and to punish me by not letting me see him when I don't get to often see him is just not fair. We have been together 7 months.

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Sorry to hear this. Ok 28 weeks of dating is a good time to see what he is like and so far it doesn't seem good. First he does something while drunk then he chases that by "punishing you" for being honest. This is not a character who will make you happy or be uplifting.

 

Why? Because first of all he drinks too much, secondly he blames everyone and everything else for his actions. Take time away from him to reflect on why you would want anyone like this in your life. Let your common sense be your guide. Talk to some trusted adults about this.

 

I agree with Wiseman. I lived with a verbal abusive (I'm not calling your man verbally abusive, I'm just using an example) man for years, and he would do terrible things and act like an a****** and blame me for things constantly, and whenever someone didn't like him, he'd blame me and say it was my fault people didn't like or approve of him. It was awful.

 

Perhaps your guy is more upset that he did something bad and embarrassed that people found out that he's not a good guy? This says way more about him than it does about you. I would use this time to be on your own and figure out what YOU want.

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Perhaps your guy is more upset that he did something bad and embarrassed that people found out that he's not a good guy? This says way more about him than it does about you. I would use this time to be on your own and figure out what YOU want.

 

That's how I'm reading it, too.

 

If it's so bad that others are upset with him (such as his family) do you perhaps need to reflect on why you tried to rug-sweep the "mistake"? Is it something that you would be wise not to overlook or downplay?

 

I'm just taking a stab in the dark, and please correct me if I'm way off, but did he cheat on you while he was drunk? Is that what you were bottling up and finally let slip to someone else?

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A while back my boyfriend made a bad decision whilst drunk and confessed to me that night whilst I was sleeping. I woke up the next morning worried sick if he was okay and it put me through so much stress and trauma. He was thankfully okay and whether the decision was right or not I moved on from it purely because he was safe.
Why would she be so relieved that he was safe if he had cheated though? That doesn't make any sense.
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