rj1567 Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 I am trying to get over a relationship that lasted over 7.5 years. We lived together for seven of those years but according to her we were just dating?? Really 7 years in the same home and we were just dating. Top it off we never said we love each other. Everything was ok until this last summer when stress just over whelmed us. Top it off she admits she has a wall up and does not like anyone to know her personal business, no one at work even knew we were living together except a short few. Which made Christmas parties very stressful with everyone asking me where I lived, and having them taken a back when I said with her. As I am writing this out if seems very clear I was not in a healthy relationship but I am still confused as to why I miss her. There were great times, great trips, awesome gifts, etc. It was not all bad but I just never felt comfortable in her home. Her Mom would bring up her ex every single time we visited, every single time! It may have just been a short comments but after 30 times you just have to wonder why it was still such a topic. She would tell me I'm just to insecure and sensitive. All my concerns were thrown back at me as if it was my issue not hers. Even the breakup was all about her needing space and me never giving it to her, even though we never talked schedules etc to try and find a compromise. How am I supposed to know exactly when you need space? Some days she would want to spend time with me after work and on weekends so how am I supposed to know when free time is required? I lived there! And I would get yelled at for being negative or comments she didn't like but if she did it it was fine, and she would get mad if questioned her doing it. Now I was negative and I own that, and I am working on it but she thinks it is just fine that she does it, and it is not negative actions but thoughts to her. If we talk about the breakup it is fine if the finger points at me. If I bring up my issues then she just closes down. I know the writing is on the wall. I have read up on Projecting and gas lighting and I definitely think I was in that. Just no idea why I can't move on. Link to comment
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