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I feel like I am not wanted by my boyfriend mom. Since we started dating I feel like she never liked me. It started when she didn’t like me because I was never open (I deal with depression and anxiety) or I would just stick to myself. I have been living with them for the past 5 years. She chooses days on when to like me & when not to like me.. when I’m home she doesn’t include me in lunches if there are ordering or when dinner is ready, everyone is called except me like I’m invisible. I would try to hug her at times & she would not hug back. I would kiss her “hi, bye” & she would not kiss back. When I walk into the house from work, she doesn’t even care that I came home to say hi. But when my boyfriend brother girlfriend comes in.. she’s so quick to give her hugs & kisses. She doesn’t acknowledge me.. i try to ask her why didn’t kiss me back.. her excuse is because a 2 month old baby hurt her check.. which is an excuse. I try taking to her on how she treats me & what bothers me & she just throws excuses at me.. idk if I’m just overreacting or it’s my depression.. i just want to feel accepted , wanted, loved.. I didn’t grow up with family . I didn’t grow up with my mom & dad & adopted so I’m not sure if I’m desperate feeling a mother’s love

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Are you paying rent? If not, how do you contribute to the household? Do you prepare dinner? Clean the house? Why should she treat you like a daughter -she is not your mother or your mother in law. Why do you live with this family? How old are you? Please don't burden this woman with being a mother figure to you . You are dating her son and for some reason you are living in her home which is probably difficult for her (which is why I asked the questions I did).

 

What are you doing to treat your depression and anxiety? I'm sorry you are feeling sad.

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Are you paying rent? If not, how do you contribute to the household? Do you prepare dinner? Clean the house? Why should she treat you like a daughter -she is not your mother or your mother in law. Why do you live with this family? How old are you? Please don't burden this woman with being a mother figure to you . You are dating her son and for some reason you are living in her home which is probably difficult for her (which is why I asked the questions I did).

 

What are you doing to treat your depression and anxiety? I'm sorry you are feeling sad.

 

Of course I am paying rent. Every month. Never late! Of course I cook dinner once a week, everyone takes turn. Of course I clean, wash dishes. Do laundry for them, babysit. & she is soon to be mother in law. We only been engaged for a month but been together for 6 years. I have no where else to live. She is nice enough to have me live under her roof. I am 26 years old. I don’t ever disrespect her

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Do you pay market rent or less than market? Do you pay for food, other expenses? I'm glad you pay rent. When is the wedding? I would not have the expectations of having her treat you like a daughter. When you and your husband move out (you referred to him as boyfriend, now you say you are engaged) and have your own home and are financially independent then I'd sort of try to start from square one - develop an adult to adult relationship - a relationship of equals.

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I feel like I am not wanted by my boyfriend mom. Since we started dating I feel like she never liked me. It started when she didn’t like me because I was never open (I deal with depression and anxiety) or I would just stick to myself.

 

If you go in your room and just keep to yourself, they may feel like they are bothering you by asking if you want anything.

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You can never force anyone to like you. I figured this out long ago.

 

Living with your boyfriend's mother for 5 years is too long and becoming independent and moving out was long overdue.

 

You'll have to tolerate and endure your boyfriend's mother's snubs as you live under her roof. The only way you'll feel free and at peace is when you and your boyfriend move out and reside at your own house or apt.

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What do you mean by a 2 month old baby hurt her check? Did she just have a baby?

 

I'm worried about you. Your last post here was about worries and pressure from your bf to have a baby.

Now you are so concerned about his mom liking you.

 

I'm sorry if you have not felt loved and accepted in this life. If I could snap my fingers to have changed that for you, I would. Sadly, it's not so easy.

 

As an adult, the best we can do is build ourselves to the point where we can rely on out own love and strength. Gaining independence can be key in this, as we learn we can provide what we need ourselves, we can rely on that no matter what.

 

People tend to resent those who put out neediness. No disrespect, but you are putting those vibes out, even on here. It will be so much more for those who are living with you, particularly a woman whose son is dating you and has you living with him in her home. Parents will take out on you, too, any negatives they may feel towards their child in the scenario. It's just human nature.

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I don't know if you've ever heard the expression, "There can only be one queen bee in the hive." It's hard for a woman to share her home with another adult woman, especially one who is not related to her, and even when it's your own blood when that woman becomes an adult. I know that I always got along with my mother, but once a few years out of high school, she began to pick fights with me, probably like a mother bird throwing a bird who can fly out of its nest. After I moved out, we got along again.

 

Your excuse that you had no place else to live is an excuse. You could have rented with one or more friends and avoided a bad beginning with a future in-law. When your bf's mother should have been nearing an empty nest, instead, the nest is squished with added bodies. No wonder she's not the warm and fuzzy person you expected or wished for. And as far as the expectations, just like I told my future husband when he and his 14 year old daughter moved in with me. "My relationship with her will form organically. I don't know if I'll be a motherly figure, a friend, or a female mentor. Don't push us into what you think we should be."

 

If you never have the relationship you want with her, find what you're seeking from someone else. There are always elderly people in nursing homes who might welcome regular visits rom volunteers.

 

In the meantime, I hope you and your bf plan on moving out soon. Everyone involved will be happier with that arrangement, and who knows. Your mother-in-law's mood might improve and she might be friendlier with you. Take care.

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I feel like I am not wanted by my boyfriend mom. Since we started dating I feel like she never liked me. It started when she didn’t like me because I was never open (I deal with depression and anxiety) or I would just stick to myself. I have been living with them for the past 5 years. She chooses days on when to like me & when not to like me.. when I’m home she doesn’t include me in lunches if there are ordering or when dinner is ready, everyone is called except me like I’m invisible. I would try to hug her at times & she would not hug back. I would kiss her “hi, bye” & she would not kiss back. When I walk into the house from work, she doesn’t even care that I came home to say hi. But when my boyfriend brother girlfriend comes in.. she’s so quick to give her hugs & kisses. She doesn’t acknowledge me.. i try to ask her why didn’t kiss me back.. her excuse is because a 2 month old baby hurt her check.. which is an excuse. I try taking to her on how she treats me & what bothers me & she just throws excuses at me.. idk if I’m just overreacting or it’s my depression.. i just want to feel accepted , wanted, loved.. I didn’t grow up with family . I didn’t grow up with my mom & dad & adopted so I’m not sure if I’m desperate feeling a mother’s love

 

Maybe she's just a jerk who likes seeing other people scramble for her affection. There are people like that!

 

What's keeping you in this uncomfortable situation? Do you have to stay there much longer? It sounds like it's time to move on.

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I’ve been living under her roof for about 5 years now

 

I wouldn't like anyone who lived with me for 5 years, either.

 

I'd move out, whether BF wants to join me or not, and whaalaa! The relationship will magically improve. If not, it won't bother you so much because you don't need to deal with dislike in your own home.

 

If you're mature enough for an adult relationship, you're mature enough to live on your own.

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