Can we improve “physical chemistry“?

[bluecastle]

I think you two had sex too soon in this particular situation so now physical chemistry also includes trying to improve the sexual experience -and often people who don't yet know each other well have trouble communicating about it.

 

Something like this crossed my mind. Nothing against having sex pretty quickly—been there probably more often than I haven't—but this is a risk. After 4 dates you're still sitting across from a stranger, both of you (assuming a moderate amount of emotional health in each party) unsure about where it's going, if anywhere. So what happens during that time invariably leaves an outsized impression: an off-color joke or heated political discussion that wouldn't scratch the record inside an actual relationship can derail a budding romance, much the way a light breeze puts out a match but not a bonfire.

 

Great sex, of course, can grease the rails—sometimes toward bliss, sometimes a brick wall—while not great sex with a stranger can cause some screeching. Is what it is. Good thing? It's not the end of the world. If she's the person for you it's going to be because you can be you—awesome you, clumsy you—and keep deepening the connection. She, meanwhile, should also be able to be herself, which is to say she's allowed to step back a bit, assess, and do that however she chooses.

 

She's down to see you again. So, great: see her again. Don't worry about preparation, or seeing if you can "solve" this issue through cumbersome chats about "what happened" and "her preferences." Let that go and just be yourself. You don't even have to get naked! As reinvent put it, it's a dance, this stuff. Sometimes people step back again, sometimes toes get stepped on. Sometimes two people find a rhythm, and sometimes they don't.

[dmveep]

I think you two had sex too soon in this particular situation so now physical chemistry also includes trying to improve the sexual experience -and often people who don't yet know each other well have trouble communicating about it.

Don’t be so sure about this, the other woman I described with a similar personality in a similar situation did the exact same thing after six weeks of dating. It was an absolute train wreck compared to this though.

 

There was really nothing that happened here in this current situation that makes me look back and feel super cringy.

 

The last time I saw her, during the mid-part of the slow fade, I thought to myself, she’s maybe not all the great after all, certainly not worth stressing out over.

 

I’m not sure why lack of physical chemistry seems like such an ego blow, even when I agree to an extent. I tend to look at people like a mutual fund, they have strengths and weaknesses, but overall strength is most important. I’ve just never discarded someone in the past for it, so it feels shallow?

[dmveep]

Something like this crossed my mind. Nothing against having sex pretty quickly—been there probably more often than I haven't—but this is a risk. After 4 dates you're still sitting across from a stranger, both of you (assuming a moderate amount of emotional health in each party) unsure about where it's going, if anywhere. So what happens during that time invariably leaves an outsized impression: an off-color joke or heated political discussion that wouldn't scratch the record inside an actual relationship can derail a budding romance, much the way a light breeze puts out a match but not a bonfire.

 

Great sex, of course, can grease the rails—sometimes toward bliss, sometimes a brick wall—while not great sex with a stranger can cause some screeching. Is what it is. Good thing? It's not the end of the world. If she's the person for you it's going to be because you can be you—awesome you, clumsy you—and keep deepening the connection. She, meanwhile, should also be able to be herself, which is to say she's allowed to step back a bit, assess, and do that however she chooses.

 

She's down to see you again. So, great: see her again. Don't worry about preparation, or seeing if you can "solve" this issue through cumbersome chats about "what happened" and "her preferences." Let that go and just be yourself. You don't even have to get naked! As reinvent put it, it's a dance, this stuff. Sometimes people step back again, sometimes toes get stepped on. Sometimes two people find a rhythm, and sometimes they don't.

I think it would be hard to move forward with no conversation about it, but you totally having an amazing point about things getting blown out of proportion in those early dates.

 

Rather than giving me a chance to get to know me better she got hung up on something that would likely not be a long term issue. At the end of the day, I still really don’t know her all that well. There are a million other reasons this could not work out. Why fixate on one? I just don’t know where to go from here? I almost feel like I have to start over?

 

The complete lack of initiation on her end at any point also is not going away. She seems like such a passive person that she just lets other people dictate her life, but even so, not initiating anything just seems terrible, right?

[reinventmyself]

 

 

The complete lack of initiation on her end at any point also is not going away. She seems like such a passive person that she just lets other people dictate her life, but even so, not initiating anything just seems terrible, right?

Only if it seems terrible to you.

It's your experience that counts here. . not our opinions.

We can give you nudges left or right and you get to pick which direction ultimately feels right.

 

If I have to vote. I vote one more date. All you have to lose is a couple hours of your time.

 

From where you are at about this, one date could surely push you one way or another.

If she's still passive and luke warm. . at this point it isn't likely going to get any better.

What you see is what you get.

Is it worth one more try? Only you know.

 

At the same time is seems like you've pretty much talked yourself out of it. But what I can't tell is - are you doing it because your scared or are you doing it because it just isn't a good fit?

 

There isn't a whole lot of enjoyment investing in someone, spending time with them (between the sheets) and wondering all along IF they even like you. . .because you can't really tell.

[Batya33]

Don’t be so sure about this, the other woman I described with a similar personality in a similar situation did the exact same thing after six weeks of dating. It was an absolute train wreck compared to this though.

 

There was really nothing that happened here in this current situation that makes me look back and feel super cringy.

 

The last time I saw her, during the mid-part of the slow fade, I thought to myself, she’s maybe not all the great after all, certainly not worth stressing out over.

 

I’m not sure why lack of physical chemistry seems like such an ego blow, even when I agree to an extent. I tend to look at people like a mutual fund, they have strengths and weaknesses, but overall strength is most important. I’ve just never discarded someone in the past for it, so it feels shallow?

 

For me physical chemistry is essential. 6 weeks of dating is a short time. What feels shallow -to decline to see someone you don't feel physically attracted to, or enough, after a month of dating? I think that's normal - it's long enough and longer is leading the person on. Physical chemistry to me isn't shallow at all - without it what's the point of dating?

[Batya33]

Something like this crossed my mind. Nothing against having sex pretty quickly—been there probably more often than I haven't—but this is a risk. After 4 dates you're still sitting across from a stranger, both of you (assuming a moderate amount of emotional health in each party) unsure about where it's going, if anywhere. So what happens during that time invariably leaves an outsized impression: an off-color joke or heated political discussion that wouldn't scratch the record inside an actual relationship can derail a budding romance, much the way a light breeze puts out a match but not a bonfire.

 

Great sex, of course, can grease the rails—sometimes toward bliss, sometimes a brick wall—while not great sex with a stranger can cause some screeching. Is what it is. Good thing? It's not the end of the world. If she's the person for you it's going to be because you can be you—awesome you, clumsy you—and keep deepening the connection. She, meanwhile, should also be able to be herself, which is to say she's allowed to step back a bit, assess, and do that however she chooses.

 

She's down to see you again. So, great: see her again. Don't worry about preparation, or seeing if you can "solve" this issue through cumbersome chats about "what happened" and "her preferences." Let that go and just be yourself. You don't even have to get naked! As reinvent put it, it's a dance, this stuff. Sometimes people step back again, sometimes toes get stepped on. Sometimes two people find a rhythm, and sometimes they don't.

 

Yes all of this -one more time can't hurt. I wouldn't have sex though -go do a fun activity, make out or whatever, kiss, hold hands.

[bluecastle]

I think it would be hard to move forward with no conversation about it.

 

To his his own, but me? I'd take a cold shower, do some push ups, let this go, and see what's up when you're face to face. This is not a nuclear arms summit, and treating it as such is going to make forward movement challenging. Talking, laughing, being yourself? Much more information there, and a much greater chance of letting this awkward balloon deflate than blowing more air in it.

 

Besides, you had the conversation. She told you, straight up, that she had some doubts about the sizzle. And, well, so did you. Another point of commonality? You are both willing to see the other person again. Focus on that—that's forward movement.

[dmveep]

To his his own, but me? I'd take a cold shower, do some push ups, let this go, and see what's up when you're face to face. This is not a nuclear arms summit, and treating it as such is going to make forward movement challenging. Talking, laughing, being yourself? Much more information there, and a much greater chance of letting this awkward balloon deflate than blowing more air in it.

 

Besides, you had the conversation. She told you, straight up, that she had some doubts about the sizzle. And, well, so did you. Another point of commonality? You are both willing to see the other person again. Focus on that—that's forward movement.

 

I had to ask her several times before she caved. She initially shut me down stating she was concerned it wouldn’t get better and another month would be wasted. When I phrased it as just a fun night out, forgetting about the past or the future, she seemed to change her tune.

 

Didn’t feel great but felt like I had nothing to lose.

[bluecastle]

I had to ask her several times before she caved. She initially shut me down stating she was concerned it wouldn’t get better and another month would be wasted. When I phrased it as just a fun night out, forgetting about the past or the future, she seemed to change her tune.

 

Didn’t feel great but felt like I had nothing to lose.

 

Do note: when you were hard on the "let's talk it out" throttle she was shutting you down, but when you switched to the "fun night out" pedal she relaxed—or, in your self-defeating language, "caved."

 

I say chill with that language. People, generally speaking, do not enjoy intense conversations about what's wrong with x and how to improve it with y. They don't enjoy them with husbands or wives, so they really don't enjoy them with someone they've met four times.

 

They do, however, like fun nights. People date, get into relationships, and get married, in large part, because they have fun together and don't make mountains out of molehills. Good sign of a bad match? When every molehill becomes a mountain.

 

This whole thing might go nowhere. That's okay! This whole thing is, at this stage, a molehill. It's not personal, just life. You're clearly a cool dude who does okay with the opposite sex—this ain't changing that, or a verdict on that, even if she's not feeling it or your not feeling it or whatever.

 

So stop rewinding the game footage and looking for fouls. Go out and do something fun and random right now. Buy yourself a steak at a restaurant, or whatever. Then go have a fun night out with her. If you can't? So it goes. Just means she ain't for you, and you ain't for her.

[dmveep]

One problem I’m really struggling with here, is I don’t actually know where things went wrong? How is this going to improve if I don’t know where the breakdown was? Was it kissing, making out, touching her, intercourse? I literally have no clue and how will I know if I don’t ask?

[reinventmyself]

I think you should stop thinking in terms of something going wrong. It suggests that something had to be right to begin with.

There is nothing - wrong. It's just possible you aren't a good fit.

Most people aren't.

[bluecastle]

I think you should stop thinking in terms of something going wrong. It suggests that something had to be right to begin with.

There is nothing - wrong. It's just possible you aren't a good fit.

Most people aren't.

 

This.

 

It's not as if, prior to all this confusion, you were thinking you'd met the woman of your dreams. Per your own description, the kissing was kind of meh, the body language hard to read and on the chilly front, the communication strained, the sex subpar. Subtract your imagination—the part of your brain stoked about the prospect of having a girlfriend—and what do you have? A woman you're getting to know, where things are going...well, so-so.

 

This is dating. Not long ago you went on a date with someone, had a fun time, got naked, then saw a condom in the trash and lost interest in her in a flash. Five minutes later you've met someone knew, had some fun, had some sex, are still poking the coals to see if they're burning out or have some heat left. Simple math goes: if this person does not become your wife you are doing just fine out there, and have all sorts of excitement on the horizon. Maybe with her, maybe someone else. Win-win.

 

So get excited about all that. See what's what here—not what's right, or wrong, but what's what. It'll even out and heat up, or cool off. Far better, in the end, to be excited about an actual person, and having a blast with a person, than the idea of what a person could be if only you could "figure out" what went wrong.

[dmveep]

This.

 

It's not as if, prior to all this confusion, you were thinking you'd met the woman of your dreams. Per your own description, the kissing was kind of meh, the body language hard to read and on the chilly front, the communication strained, the sex subpar. Subtract your imagination—the part of your brain stoked about the prospect of having a girlfriend—and what do you have? A woman you're getting to know, where things are going...well, so-so.

 

This is dating. Not long ago you went on a date with someone, had a fun time, got naked, then saw a condom in the trash and lost interest in her in a flash. Five minutes later you've met someone knew, had some fun, had some sex, are still poking the coals to see if they're burning out or have some heat left. Simple math goes: if this person does not become your wife you are doing just fine out there, and have all sorts of excitement on the horizon. Maybe with her, maybe someone else. Win-win.

 

So get excited about all that. See what's what here—not what's right, or wrong, but what's what. It'll even out and heat up, or cool off. Far better, in the end, to be excited about an actual person, and having a blast with a person, than the idea of what a person could be if only you could "figure out" what went wrong.

 

So I did some homework, everything points to:

1. sex if often bad initially and not necessarily representative of the future

2. the only way to improve it is with communication

 

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/if-the-first-time-having-sex-with-someone-new-isnt-great-is-that-a-red-flag-9555992

 

https://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-fam-social-graces-bad-sex-0227-story.html

 

https://www.bustle.com/p/most-people-have-had-a-relationship-start-with-awful-sex-but-thats-ok-8866844

 

I truly don't see any way around discussing this or there is simply no point in moving forward. I think this doesn't have to be confrontational or awkward, it could be fun. Like I said before, I was making an effort to take care of her but we both screwed up by having there be no communication about things.

[reinventmyself]

You mentioned having talked it out before.

Consider this.

Newly dating is very fragile. It's like planting a seed. You create the environment, place it carefully. You gently cultivate it and then you leave it alone to take hold.

 

That last thing you want to do is to keep turning up the soil to see if its growing. You do and it dies

 

Chill out. Shake off this anxiety. Step away from.disecting this, find something else to do in the meantime.

 

Regroup, ask her out. Be up beat and enjoy the moment and have some faith.

 

Don't have another state of the affairs discussion with her.

 

She's not your girlfriend and save the 'better communication' notions for if and when she is.

 

Not everything needs to be talked out. At this time you should living in the moment and seeing if it ends up taking hold.

 

Not turning up the soil and talking about it.

[bluecastle]

Hey, you do you. Personally, I think you're spinning out because you feel her spinning away and your ego is pinched. All this thinking and obsessing and researching about sex, how to fix it, how to discuss it? It generally does not make getting out of the head and into the body easier, but the opposite. Why not just go out and hang, without being super eager to solve this problem?

 

Like, two weeks ago I went on a road trip with my girlfriend. We rented a little cabin with a fireplace. I tried to make a fire, but it didn't catch, so my Alpha Male persona took a ding. Guess I could have Googled "how to make a fire," and I guess she could have deemed the whole trip ruined. But instead I just balled up some more newspaper, positioned it a bit differently, ditto with the logs and kindling, and presto: five minutes later the cabin was crackling and we were roasting marshmallows.

 

This can be like that, if you stop thinking of it as an issue for your to fix and start thinking of it more as seeing about a connection with another human being. She may not want what you want, feel what you feel, see things how you see them—and you know what? That's okay. Have some faith that you're awesome and that she is awesome, and neither of those truths change if it turns out that, together, you don't quite awesome make.

[Batya33]

So I did some homework, everything points to:

1. sex if often bad initially and not necessarily representative of the future

2. the only way to improve it is with communication

 

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/if-the-first-time-having-sex-with-someone-new-isnt-great-is-that-a-red-flag-9555992

 

https://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-fam-social-graces-bad-sex-0227-story.html

 

https://www.bustle.com/p/most-people-have-had-a-relationship-start-with-awful-sex-but-thats-ok-8866844

 

I truly don't see any way around discussing this or there is simply no point in moving forward. I think this doesn't have to be confrontational or awkward, it could be fun. Like I said before, I was making an effort to take care of her but we both screwed up by having there be no communication about things.

 

I agree with BC - I've been the recipient of those early on big "talks" and too many of them - meaning really early like you (and no not about sex -I didn't have sex early on or have casual sex without a strong commitment) and it just confirmed we weren't meant to be dating. I wouldn't look to statistics -it's much simpler than that -in this situation you chose to have sex early on, that increased the awkwardness now and raised the bar too high in a fragile early dating situation and she's also not feeling attracted or attracted enough to you. I'd let it go and move on after maybe one more fun, lighthearted date with no big talks or intercourse.

[dmveep]

I agree with BC - I've been the recipient of those early on big "talks" and too many of them - meaning really early like you (and no not about sex -I didn't have sex early on or have casual sex without a strong commitment) and it just confirmed we weren't meant to be dating. I wouldn't look to statistics -it's much simpler than that -in this situation you chose to have sex early on, that increased the awkwardness now and raised the bar too high in a fragile early dating situation and she's also not feeling attracted or attracted enough to you. I'd let it go and move on after maybe one more fun, lighthearted date with no big talks or intercourse.

 

I don’t expressing some basic preferences(not asking anyone to delve into fantasies here) is really a “big talk.” Usually, when haveing sex with someone new, my experience has been similar to what the articles described. It’s not necessarily the best at first but then you experiment with different things and it gets better. If someone just slays there like a dead fish and doesn’t say or do anything, I don’t think it will get better. All my best sexual experiences involve people who are comfortable expressing small preferences on fly, giving active feedback, or suggesting/engaging in trying different things. It’s not a one way street. I’m eager to please but not a kind reader.

 

Perhaps another date that’s light could be fun. But what am I to do now, I’m not sure if I feel comfortable with a kiss hello. I don’t know what level of physical touching will feel comfortable.

[Gary Snyder]

Dating is a cat-and-mouse game, there's no getting around it. The sooner you come to grips with reality, the better off you'll be.

 

Reality is what it is.

 

When you find the one and get out of the dating pool, you'll leave all that behind.

[Wiseman2]

Try going out on a few nonsexual dates. How long/how many dates do you typically go on before suggesting going back to your place? This way they don't bolt, thinking it's all you're after and you are not as worried about performance pressures.

Usually, when haveing sex with someone new, my experience has been similar to what the articles described. It’s not necessarily the best at first but then you experiment with different things and it gets better

[Batya33]

I don’t expressing some basic preferences(not asking anyone to delve into fantasies here) is really a “big talk.” Usually, when haveing sex with someone new, my experience has been similar to what the articles described. It’s not necessarily the best at first but then you experiment with different things and it gets better. If someone just slays there like a dead fish and doesn’t say or do anything, I don’t think it will get better. All my best sexual experiences involve people who are comfortable expressing small preferences on fly, giving active feedback, or suggesting/engaging in trying different things. It’s not a one way street. I’m eager to please but not a kind reader.

 

Perhaps another date that’s light could be fun. But what am I to do now, I’m not sure if I feel comfortable with a kiss hello. I don’t know what level of physical touching will feel comfortable.

 

Yes, do this if you are looking for a sex partner mostly and/or a fling with her. I can't relate to what those articles say because for me the essential component of satisfying and good sex is love and commitment and knowing the other person over a long period of time. Then the expression of preferences is natural and organic and if it's not, the couple, who are in love and committed, will together find a way to express it that is comfortable for them -"them" because when you know someone you know a heck of a lot more about what works for them and what makes them comfortable, timing, body energy everything. My very best sexual experiences were when I was engaged. Because of that core commitment, that understanding that you're together through thick and thin and planning to marry - that's when "expression" just flows. (oh and also baby making was loads of fun and also the most awesome experience). I truly believe good sex depends far far more on that than on what you refer to.

 

I think though that for people who enjoy casual sex or require sex early on because that is how they test compatibility or chemistry (not at all how I discover whether it's there - would be counter-intuitive and sabotaging for me) - then yes, focus on sex, focus on how to communicate about sexual preferences with someone you don't know very well -it can be done if both people are focused on having sex as a main focus of early dating.

 

Also I'd do what you read if you have very specific sexual preferences and those preferences take priority over getting to know the person through dating (meaning then it would be a waste of time if she's not compatible with your very specific sexual preferences) -then it's best to be honest right away that you have these preferences and ask her if she is comfortable with that - same with people with fetishes.

[dmveep]

Try going out on a few nonsexual dates. How long/how many dates do you typically go on before suggesting going back to your place? This way they don't bolt, thinking it's all you're after and you are not as worried about performance pressures.

 

It varies. I would say as few as 3, but had more success with longer hold outs around 6-10. I think a number of people made good points about waiting. I’m just terrified that waiting will end in the same result.

 

I would love to just be honest with her and tell her where I was coming from leading up to those two nights.

 

I didn’t actually expect us to have sex. I wasn’t even sure if she liked me when she went back to my place. She was seemingly keeping her distance from me the whole night. I really just wanted to make out. After a few beers, I didn’t make the best decision. Usually, ladies put the breaks on things but she didn’t . It was a mistake, no doubt about it.

 

It was just a bad recipe. Lesson learned. This is going to be hard trying to go forward here. In hindsight, the dates maybe weren’t all that great. We have a lot in common in terms of shared interest, but perhaps we just don’t have chemistry in personality or physically. This light and fun date should hopefully try to restore things, and y’all are right. Whatever happens, happens. I’ll eventually find someone better and not make the mistakes again. I need to do a better job of not caving to sex early on. It’s really hard to say no when you’re in a drought and find someone you legit like though.

 

In the future, how do y’all make a move on someone when they have closed body language and seem to keep a buffer of personal space? My love language is touch, so these people don’t compute to me.

[reinventmyself]

 

 

In the future, how do y’all make a move on someone when they have closed body language and seem to keep a buffer of personal space? My love language is touch, so these people don’t compute to me.

 

But given the timing . . only a couple dates in, do you think her closed off posture was because she didn't get a chance to know you first?

 

I can speak for those that are like her. Maybe not the same, but I've been told I give off a vibe of drawing a pretty hard line to cross. It takes time for me. Not sure if she's the same, but I only say this because just because I am reserved in the beginning doesn't mean I will stay that way.

 

What do you do in the future? If you come up against this again, take your time and wait to see if familiarity softens it some. If neither of you are `feeling it' I don't think sex is going to fix it. It's just going to get awkward. . as you are experiencing.

 

If you find a woman closed off and you aren't, then you either accept that that's what you are signing up for, or you take this lesson with you and recognize that maybe they aren't a good fit for you. After all, look at all the anxiety it's causing you.

[dmveep]

But given the timing . . only a couple dates in, do you think her closed off posture was because she didn't get a chance to know you first?

 

I can speak for those that are like her. Maybe not the same, but I've been told I give off a vibe of drawing a pretty hard line to cross. It takes time for me. Not sure if she's the same, but I only say this because just because I am reserved in the beginning doesn't mean I will stay that way.

 

What do you do in the future? If you come up against this again, take your time and wait to see if familiarity softens it some. If neither of you are `feeling it' I don't think sex is going to fix it. It's just going to get awkward. . as you are experiencing.

 

If you find a woman closed off and you aren't, then you either accept that that's what you are signing up for, or you take this lesson with you and recognize that maybe they aren't a good fit for you. After all, look at all the anxiety it's causing you.

 

I think she is just a tough read. Putting up that kind of body language yet actually being super interested. There is nothing wrong with it, just harder to make a move on someone like that. Body language makes a huge difference to me.

[reinventmyself]

I think she is just a tough read. Putting up that kind of body language yet actually being super interested. There is nothing wrong with it, just harder to make a move on someone like that. Body language makes a huge difference to me.

 

then let that be your guide

[dmveep]

But given the timing . . only a couple dates in, do you think her closed off posture was because she didn't get a chance to know you first?

 

I can speak for those that are like her. Maybe not the same, but I've been told I give off a vibe of drawing a pretty hard line to cross. It takes time for me. Not sure if she's the same, but I only say this because just because I am reserved in the beginning doesn't mean I will stay that way.

 

What do you do in the future? If you come up against this again, take your time and wait to see if familiarity softens it some. If neither of you are `feeling it' I don't think sex is going to fix it. It's just going to get awkward. . as you are experiencing.

 

If you find a woman closed off and you aren't, then you either accept that that's what you are signing up for, or you take this lesson with you and recognize that maybe they aren't a good fit for you. After all, look at all the anxiety it's causing you.

 

Interestingly, I went out with a different woman last night just to get out of my head about this. Unfortunately, her pictures from the dating app weren't really representative of her true appearance so I wasn't really physically attracted to her. However, she did have an absolutely fantastic personality with very warm body language. I actually felt extremely comfortable with her. I'm really glad we met even though I didn't find her attractive in person. It was a real eye opener on the type of personality that I thrive with. We had really great chemistry.

 

Looking back at the slow fader, perhaps this wasn't really so much about "physical chemistry," its maybe just about chemistry in general. I do remember times of stilted conversation, cold/closed body language, not having a clue about her interest level, a less than stellar kiss, this was not a recipe for starting a good physical relationship for me. I guess what I've learned is that I need to feel really comfortable and "safe" to have a good vulnerable sexual relationship. I also need to be with someone who is comfortable with talking about things and being an active participant in the bedroom.

 

Its not really a surprise that someone who comes off closed/cold, has trouble with confrontation per her own admission, extremely passive, would pull the slow fade card. Its actually difficult for me to imagine dating someone who has a hard time communicating, which I definitely got the vibe that this is a problem for her. Ultimately, there was only two of the three pillars of relationship success in my mind: physical attraction, compatibility, and chemistry. We definitely have a strong level of the first two, but I don't know if that third one is there.

 

That being said, is this really worth pursuing further? She seemed to obviously have strong doubts about that aspect of things changing. Do you think it would/could change?