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I’m struggling with my sexuality. Also falling for my best friend.


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Okay... my situation might sound complicated, but I’m desperate for some outside advice. I am a 23 year old male. For the majority of my life I have been attracted to females. It wasn’t until the end of high school / beginning of college when I started noticing men and finding them attractive. I began to struggle with my sexual identity and still do today. I find my attraction to both genders confusing and frustrating. Because of this, I have avoided dating or forming any kind of romantic relationships. I am also a virgin. Due to that and a few other instances in my life, I started gaining weight, having anxiety attacks and sort of fell into a depression. As of now, I’m working on my physical and mental health and lost close to 30 lbs. Although I’m improving, I still have low confidence in myself and don’t even try to date. The only person I have felt comfortable discussing this with is my best friend. We have been friends since elementary school and he is openly gay, which is probably why it’s so easy for me to talk to him regarding my sexuality. For the majority of our friendship, I only considered him as a friend and NOTHING more than that. But after receiving his helpful advice this past year and bonding with him on another level, I am really developing feelings for him as more than a friend. I don’t believe he feels the same way about me considering he comes to me for dating advice (even though I have zero experience) and sometimes talks about his interest for other men when we’re together. Even though he’s always been my best friend, recently we have become closer than ever. We talk on the phone almost every day and hang out whenever we get the chance. It’s hard for me to have these feelings because our friendship really is so rare. If I tell him my feelings and he doesn’t feel the same way, it could change or even ruin our friendship. It’s hard to imagine taking that risk because I can’t imagine my life without him. Okay, so basically my question is how should I embrace the reality that I probably am bisexual? And what’s the best way to deal with my feelings toward my best friend? Any advice is GREATLY appreciated.

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It would be best to get an evaluation from a doctor regarding your physical health and a referral to a therapist for objective advice and ongoing support.

I started gaining weight, having anxiety attacks and sort of fell into a depression. As of now, I’m working on my physical and mental health and lost close to 30 lbs. Although I’m improving, I still have low confidence in myself and don’t even try to date.
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  • 1 month later...

I think you need to take care of your self before you are ready to date someone. Weight is not important, but your depression and anxiety need attention. Have you managed completely on your own or did you get help with that?

 

Depression and anxiety dulls your mind. You can make decisions in life that are not always the best thing to do. You can also feel dependent on people. You need to stand on your own feet to be attractive.

 

People who laugh and are sure about who they are. Selfsecure. Selfconsious. Attract more people. You are drawn to happy people, right? Your weight and looks do not matter. There is nothing more attractive than a true smile. You will get there. You just need some help to know yourself and to beat the depression.

 

The neverending question. Best friends or lovers. You are not alone with these thoughts and feelings.

 

Some people come into our lives as best friends to support and learn us to stand on our own feet. It is easy to misstake a deep friendship for love.

 

Think about if it is attraction or love. Attraction is easier to stand back from. Love? What kind of love? Romantic love or love as in true friendship? Do you imagine you being with him until you are old? How does it feel to be with him?

 

I’m also in an impossible love situation. But the differance is we both know how the otherone feels. But we can’t be together right now. I am missing him so bad. It was a week ago we last met.

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