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Ex was married

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came to the know the person i dated was actually married.

now putting all lovey dovey vacation pictures on her profile and announcing to the world everything is so good with them


dam hurts, i have told the person not to talk or tell me about her to me any more


deleting all damn snaps of her from my google drive.


i hate myself never knew about dating a taken girl what a fool i was, got taken for a ride.


feel worthless

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You will feel a lot better if you do some introspection and figure out what red flags you ignored in order to continue to be with her. When you figure that out, you'll be able to move on knowing you won't ignore such hints they aren't single in your future.


How long did you date her before you found out?


P.S. She's not worthy so don't waste any time feeling down about her.

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Her treatment of you is NOT a reflection of your value, it's a reflection of her LACK of values. You should thank your lucky stars instead that you are not her poor clueless husband living a lie.


Yes, exactly!


You got caught up with a liar who fooled you. That says a lot about HER. I'm sorry people can be so awful.

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This is going to be soooo strange for you to hear this, but this is good that you went thru this. Now before you think Im crazy, you can use this as a learning experience and hope that you can use what you have learned to help you in the future. Hear me out.

1. Im sure there were A LOT of signs that you missed. Available at only certain times or would disappear on certain days, some days would be distant or whatever.. there were signs that you probably missed and glanced over. Now with what you learned here, you can see and react to red flags and not be so easy to dismiss them.

2. You can hold your head up high because you were a great partner. You did everything you were supposed to do as a partner. So even tho the end result sucked. You can walk away knowing that there is no reason why you cant be the same guy again. No reason! You know you are a great partner and it was her loss, but its some other woman's gain.

3. Its okay to admit you lost or were played. It sucks to admit that we were but in the end, its okay to admit defeat. Its kind of a release for me because you don't have to come up with excuses, or reasons why, or try to figure things out. She played you, you lost and what you do it stand up, dust yourself off and say okay, that wont happen again. I learned my lesson.


I have been right where you are today. I was played, I lost, I felt used, horrible, my esteem was in the toilet and life sucked. But in the end its not about who is happy now or happy first. Its just about your happiness. Cry if you have to, mourn if you must but remember that you can do this. You can stand up and dust yourself off and learn from what happened. In the end, this made you a better person and remember.. you now have room in your heart and life for someone better..You will find your dream girl soon..

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What she did only tells something about her and her character but not about yours. you really shouldn't feel worthless cause nothing of this is your fault. I understand how much this can hurt but that kind of person is someone you shouldn't be with anyway- so finding it out now is a good thing. Try to feel through your pain in order to let go of it. Ofcurse it hurty, but it will go eventually and you can fully focus on yourself

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yes the same ex, the person who told me this actually was abroad for work purpose and is a former colleague of mine and stays near to her apartment, we were just catching up, she knew we were working together and randomly she asked, she wasnt aware we dated.


when i asked her how she knows she is married, she said she met her husband many times before and they stay together there.i told her nobody knows she is married, now she is putting up all her vacation pics on her social profiles, whatsapp etc..


i have deleted her number long back, so she showed it to me on her cell.


anyways i didnt tell her about us , am not sure what that husband of hers will do to her if he comes to know about us, so told her we are not friends, am really not in touch with her , she has left the company and then changed the topic.


head is ferked up so spoke to few of other close friends who knew about us as we did meet up outside office, they are also surprised that she is married, they never saw her spouse.


i have deleted all pictures of our trip, date snaps and chats etc from my mobile and other personal systems.


only thing remaining is a recommendation i sent her on linkedin, we are connnected and that is the only recommendation she has on her profile.


still thinking if i block her there that recommendation will be deleted as well, not sure what to do about it.

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She’s hiding her pain and showing the world how great she is. Deep inside, she knows the truth and how much she’s hurting inside. It’s a mask. Social media is a way of masking pain. The more likes they get the more they feel validated. If the photos were of actual sites of interest - that would be different because she’s sharing what she sees. Posting photos of herself and hubby kids etc is what she wants the world to see - because she can’t live with the fact that she is living a double life. And the more she does it the worse it gets for her, because deep down in her soul - she knows the truth the minute she clicks “post”. And so do you. It’s her guilt taking over. Keep strong brother. I’ve just walked away from a similar situation. So I get it. It hurts, it’s confusing, dark and a horrible place to be. This too shall pass for you. As for her, she will meet her Waterloo. You dodged a bullet. Imagine being her poor husband who just blew all that cash on a vacation with a woman that was involved with you, whilst they are married. And their kids?

If it all worked out and you ended up together It would be a disaster. A leopard doesn’t change its spots. All the best my friend.

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well am living in silence and solitude, despise her a lot now am not sure it will ever convert to peace, have deleted the linkedin connection as well, its been almost 2 months of no contact with her.


Have cut contact with all friends and acquaintances just dont want to hear anything about her.

Had a hard time finding a reliable therapist


but have started slowly to concentrate on my life, cooking, gardening and taking care of my home, meeting friends on weekends, going to office , working on projects, taking up more work etc


watching other couples having a nice time doesnt make me unhappy any more or feel like i should be out with someone.


finally went for movies alone, initially it felt awkward i admit but then got used to it.


it doesnt hurt like before maybe i can get through this.


thank you to all of you God bless

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OP.. ohhhh I have been where you are today. I was in the dumps, the pits, the bottom of the biggest hole and thought why even bother getting up or out of the hole because I feared I would just be knocked down again. I gave up.. I figured that my sadness was justified and if I wanted to be sad, I have every right to feel sad and alone and cursed and that's how I thought. She was out there being happy meanwhile I was at home miserable and thought how life was not fair and it just made me feel worse.

But you know what? If you get knocked down, you get back up. I had let my X win and beat me and was the worst part, the has no idea she was playing. So I decided no more. I stood up and dusted myself off and decided to join the rest of the world because life is going to move on with or without me, so I decided to move with it.

You are the only one in this world that controls your own happiness. Its not your X, its not your neighbor, not your parents, your family, not your dog or fish, its you. You are the one who determines your own happiness. Right now you are allowing your X to determine that and you shouldn't because no one can make you feel miserable without your permission. So why don't you stop and take control of your happiness because happiness isn't going to come knocking at your door... You must find it.

The thing about depression is, that if you stay in the same spot.. it will eventually find you. You are proof that its happening. You stay in, you resigned and depression found you and you are allowing it to stay like an unwanted roommate who drinks all your milk and uses all your toilet paper. You must decide what you want. No girl is going to knock on your door, Love isn't going to crawl thru your window, you must do what you have to do to find it. Think of it like this. If you break your arm. You go to the doctor, get it looked at, get a cast, take care of it. Same thing with your heart.. Its broken, so you have to take care of it until it mends. So you have to stand up, and find that guy that attracted your X. When you attracted your X, you weren't sad or swimming in your own pity pool were you? You were happy and what makes you think you cant attract another girl again? No reason why you cant attract a beautiful woman..You did it before right? Go out and do what you need to do to make you happy.

You have all the tools, you need motivation. Today is your day. You decide if you want to be happy or do more laps in your pity pool. Choice is yours.

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You bet No1, thanks for all those words, i want to do exactly that. I have still not come to terms with myself.i want to be in a position where i don't think about her at all, the feelings if it comes by, should not make me feel sad, i don't want to hate her, i should feel nothing. That stage hasn't come yet, so not forcing into anything at the moment, taking it very very slow.Motivation is the key, you are right. i want every day to be a new day for me, hope to get through this some day.

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I can tell you from experience that if you sit in your place all day and do nothing you wont accomplish your goal of not think about her. Whats the best way to forget something? Stay busy. You cant expect to sit there and think about your X and think that one day her memory will disappear. What is going on right now is this and I shall explain this to you and hope it makes sense.

You have memories and with those memories you have emotional ties to them. Think of them as ropes or vines or strings and for every memory you have, there will be these vines or nothing attached to them. Example.. Your first kiss.. You can think about it and it will probably make you smile, but its not going to make you all emotional as when it happened. That's because the emotional vines have fallen off. Right now you have all these vines attached to your X. And by sitting there all by yourself you are keeping these vines alive and well and very fresh. So any memory you have, those emotional vines affect you. Your X cant do anything about them only you can.

So if you get out and stay busy, youll see that the vines attached to a memory will fade and go away naturally. You cant rush it, cut it or get rid of the memory, it just has to naturally happen. I wish there was a faster way but there isn't. So to make these things dry up and fall off is to just work on you. Then youll see as time goes by youll think of your X less and less. Some days you might think of her 4 times, the next day might be 3.. then it will be once a day, then once every 2 days until you don't realize how long you have gone. And youll see the emotional vines attached to the memory will not affect you anymore as you let them dry up and fall off.

Every one is different.. Everyone's time is different. Remember, being happy isn't a race, doesn't matter who is happy first, or who found someone else first because life doesn't work that way. What matters is that you believe in your heart that there is someone out there for you. She is waiting to meet you and the sooner you can stand up and get out of the house, the sooner you will meet her. Until that day comes.. work on you.

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