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How can I be more of a confident person? And less of a sensitive, overthinker?


peachypeach
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I hate being an awkward, shy, unconfident, sensitive overthinking loser. I want to learn to love myself and just be me. I have a friend who is outgoing and radiates confidence. My friend makes friends easily on the other hand, I struggle making friends easily and have a hard time fitting in. I care too much what others think, and I try to convince myself that i shouldn’t care, yet I still do. When people tease me I tend to take things seriously and take things personal. Any advice? How did you become a confident person?

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Being afraid of what others might think and obsessing about it is usually driven by your own unforgiving nature, meaning being a hyper critical, judgmental person yourself. You fear of what you do to others will be done to you. So it's not about loving yourself, it's about learning to be kinder and more forgiving. It's about accepting that everyone has flaws and that's being human. It's about learning how to be kinder and turning off your own inner critic.

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I'm an overthinker, but it's more in an analytical sense. About things like society, the universe, the meaning of life, y'know, big picture stuff. When it comes to what other people think, I don't care at all. Because I know, deep down, everyone's an a-hole. Hahaha!!! I keed, I keed. But really, don't sweat the small stuff. What other people think of me is none of my business.

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I would fake it till you make it - come up with silent mantras for yourself. At the risk of embarrassing myself, when I was dating and doing a lot of blind dates and first meets I'd often get stage fright when walking into the meeting place. I told myself "you are beautiful and glamorous and attending a tea party". One. I knew I was not beautiful or glamorous -I mean I had my moments in life when I felt that way but nope, not in that league. Two. I've only been to a few tea parties but to me they connote calm, serenity, pleasant socializing. I did this plus since i am short I made myself walk tall with a small smile on my face - not gushy just approachable. Was I being me? I guess not. But I needed that kind of push/motivation to get myself over the awkward spot. Nothing wrong with fake it till you make it IMO.

 

And I agree to examine whether you're hypercritical of yourself, too. Most people are too worried about the impression they are making than how you are acting.

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Are you sure I didn't write this post, peachypeach? You are me back in my day.

 

I think youth and where you are at life has a lot to do with how you're feeling as of late.

 

I was PAINFULLY bashful and shy all my life and I didn't know what the definition of "confidence" was. I suffered from extremely low self esteem for decades.

 

Mind you, I never dated in high school nor college. I was the 'Ugly Duckling.' Therefore, I simply gave up and said, "To heck with it. I'll go my own way in life."

 

Times were very bad for me, too. I financially supported my young widowed mother and younger siblings as I toiled at my miserable full time night shift job 4PM to 1AM Monday through Friday while enrolled in college full time.

 

There was a supervisor in particular who took it upon himself to remove me from the company with a layoff. I was desperate and suddenly, there was no more paycheck. Another supervisor above the supervisor didn't like me either. Both of them saw to it to remove me and I was unpopular among my night shift crew because I was considered very unworldly. I didn't fit in. Therefore, I was snubbed.

 

Within 24 hours of layoff, I reported to work at 6AM at my new full time day job at another department. I ascended over the years. Whenever I saw my former bosses and colleagues who mocked me when I was a nobody, I returned their same stare in the hallway. :eek: They suddenly felt very awkward because I OUTRANKED them in job position and paycheck. Talk about newfound self-confidence! :D They ingratiated themselves to me, visited my new office and acted as if they were my new best friends. They even gave me sappy sentimental greeting cards which I chucked in the trash bin. I was merely civil while giving them the cold shoulder. They were so cruel to me during those horrid night shift years and now that "I had arrived" and prospered, suddenly they're ingratiating themselves to me? They tried so hard to get back into my good graces to no avail. Who had the last laugh now? :D

 

The moral of my story is, if you want to go places in this life, you need to be "selfish" about it. Stop obsessing over what other people think. Succeed and prosper in that order just like I did. Then when you're in society, you'll be pushing through an open door. Suddenly, I had suitors galore and declined them because I was so darn busy enjoying my life to the hilt.

 

Success attracts success. Suddenly, I was surrounded by other winners who were doing the same thing I was; ascending in this world. I rubbed elbows with the right people socially. I eventually married up and have two amazing sons. My husband is the love of my life.

 

Make yourself attractive by becoming successful. Then you will turn heads without even trying just like I did. I could care less what other people thought. I was too busy having the time of my life!

 

Self confidence makes you strong and comfortable within your own skin and then you'll become completely oblivious to others. You'll ooze high self esteem and self confidence unconsciously.

 

Don't put too much stock into others. Go your own way in life and then it's like bees to honey without any effort whatsoever on your part. Be your own person.

 

And, make yourself interesting with your career, ascension, take good care of your health, get fit, have hobbies, intellectual pursuits and you'll have that draw. People are attracted to content, self-confident, SECURE people. When you work on yourself, you'll let your success do all the talking. You don't have to say much. Self confidence and security will give you inner priceless peace.

 

I was a later bloomer and became a swan. This can be you, too, peachypeach.

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Are you actually interested in other people -what makes them tick? Do you like to listen more than you talk -can you listen with the negative tape going on in your head? Today I met a new neighbor. We were in my building's business center each working but she had her 2 week old newborn with her who was coughing -sick, she told me. We chatted a bit and I asked her a few questions while respecting her need to exhale and get some work done. But then the baby spat up after a coughing fit. I pointed to the napkins near the coffee the realized I had a lot of empty plastic bags with me in my briefcase so I quietly offered her one for the sodden napkins. She thanked me and before she left said thanks again. Will we be friends? No clue - but I was out of my head enough to anticipate the small thing that would help her a lot at a messy moment. That's what it's all about but if you're stuck in your own head you'll miss those opportunities to contribute and connect.

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Self love and self care are more than bubble baths and chocolates because I deserve it...

 

The hard work of self love is self exploration. The crux of which is taking the time to figure out why you feel a certain way, accepting that you feel that way, sitting with yourself while feeling the way that you do, until you can release it.

 

in those self exploration moments, you want to be kind to yourself. Understand why you acted a certain way or felt a certain way in a situation from a non-judgmental point if view.

 

Being honest with yourself for your part in whatever. When you are honest with yourself and think thru things more thoroughly deciding why you did or felt something, you learn more about yourself.

 

And that can cause you to be thoughtful in the moment, thus giving yourself more self confidence, because you know how you want to handle yourself and you are learning as you go.

 

Another way it causes you to have more confidence is, it helps you hold yourself accountable to the person you want to be... confidence usually comes from knowing and knowing yourself is a good start...

 

How do you start? I suggest meditation. there are many you tube videos on meditation. it cam be hard to start, but it takes practice... and the good news is- it's always practice...

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Are you sure I didn't write this post, peachypeach? You are me back in my day.

 

I think youth and where you are at life has a lot to do with how you're feeling as of late.

 

I was PAINFULLY bashful and shy all my life and I didn't know what the definition of "confidence" was. I suffered from extremely low self esteem for decades.

 

Mind you, I never dated in high school nor college. I was the 'Ugly Duckling.' Therefore, I simply gave up and said, "To heck with it. I'll go my own way in life."

 

Times were very bad for me, too. I financially supported my young widowed mother and younger siblings as I toiled at my miserable full time night shift job 4PM to 1AM Monday through Friday while enrolled in college full time.

 

There was a supervisor in particular who took it upon himself to remove me from the company with a layoff. I was desperate and suddenly, there was no more paycheck. Another supervisor above the supervisor didn't like me either. Both of them saw to it to remove me and I was unpopular among my night shift crew because I was considered very unworldly. I didn't fit in. Therefore, I was snubbed.

 

Within 24 hours of layoff, I reported to work at 6AM at my new full time day job at another department. I ascended over the years. Whenever I saw my former bosses and colleagues who mocked me when I was a nobody, I returned their same stare in the hallway. :eek: They suddenly felt very awkward because I OUTRANKED them in job position and paycheck. Talk about newfound self-confidence! :D They ingratiated themselves to me, visited my new office and acted as if they were my new best friends. They even gave me sappy sentimental greeting cards which I chucked in the trash bin. I was merely civil while giving them the cold shoulder. They were so cruel to me during those horrid night shift years and now that "I had arrived" and prospered, suddenly they're ingratiating themselves to me? They tried so hard to get back into my good graces to no avail. Who had the last laugh now? :D

 

The moral of my story is, if you want to go places in this life, you need to be "selfish" about it. Stop obsessing over what other people think. Succeed and prosper in that order just like I did. Then when you're in society, you'll be pushing through an open door. Suddenly, I had suitors galore and declined them because I was so darn busy enjoying my life to the hilt.

 

Success attracts success. Suddenly, I was surrounded by other winners who were doing the same thing I was; ascending in this world. I rubbed elbows with the right people socially. I eventually married up and have two amazing sons. My husband is the love of my life.

 

Make yourself attractive by becoming successful. Then you will turn heads without even trying just like I did. I could care less what other people thought. I was too busy having the time of my life!

 

Self confidence makes you strong and comfortable within your own skin and then you'll become completely oblivious to others. You'll ooze high self esteem and self confidence unconsciously.

 

Don't put too much stock into others. Go your own way in life and then it's like bees to honey without any effort whatsoever on your part. Be your own person.

 

And, make yourself interesting with your career, ascension, take good care of your health, get fit, have hobbies, intellectual pursuits and you'll have that draw. People are attracted to content, self-confident, SECURE people. When you work on yourself, you'll let your success do all the talking. You don't have to say much. Self confidence and security will give you inner priceless peace.

 

 

 

I was a later bloomer and became a swan. This can be you, too, peachypeach.

 

Good for you!!!

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When you have self confidence, Everything seems easier. Self-confidence is like a solid foundation for living a life of happiness and accomplishments. Your belief about yourself determines your behaviors and achievements. When you build self confidence, you will enjoy every good benefits that comes with it.

 

Self-confidence makes life more easier, it gives you the power to change your life. keep pushing, one day you will break that stumbling block.

 

Here are Ways You Can Build Self Confidence in the Midst of None

 

1. Try to Make a Difference No Matter How Little

 

There are lots of simple things you can do that can make a difference. Change some certain things about yourself, Maintain high self esteem , work on your appearance and look your best. wear a smile, it makes you beautiful.

 

2. Self Affirmations

 

Change every negative thoughts about yourself into positivity, Believe you are amazing in your own way and no one can be better than you, you can make it with more efforts and time only if you try and you will definitely feel good about yourself.

 

3. Volunteer or Charity Work

 

You will feel more good and fulfilled when you know you can help others. Don’t stay indoor and wallow in self pity, loneliness can lead to depression and anxiety. Step out of your home and do something for people. Make new friends and share experiences with them, this can help build your self confidence.

 

4. Challenge Yourself to a Goal and Achieve it

 

When you are successful, you build more self confidence. Set a little goal and strive to achieve it, you will be happy when you succeed and you will have greater confidence to go for a bigger goal. There is nothing you can’t do, it only takes more efforts and time.

 

5. Always Be Prepared

 

never hurriedly leave things undone, everything you do in life, take your time and prepare your self mentally and emotionally. You will be more confident when you know you are well prepared. E.g if you have a date or meeting with someone, consider the kind of occasion it will be and wear clothes that fits the occasion, look yourself in the mirror and make sure you are satisfied with your looks. It will help keep you relaxed all day.

 

6. Spend Time With People That Encourages You

 

You must not have many friends to live a better life, just few good friends are enough to push you to success. Be with friends that encourages you, support you and can influence you positively.

 

7. Never Compare Yourself to Others.

 

Everyone is created in his or her own uniqueness. Never compare yourself to others, there is something in you that they crave to have. Never compare yourself to others, you may not know what they are passing through. Compare yourself to yourself, to who you were yesterday, focus on your own progress and not others. How far have you gone over the years, how successful have you become in last two years.. This are questions you should ask yourself and then work on building a better you.

You can be whatever you want to be my dear, only believe, be patient and work hard.

 

You are an amazing being, do not let anyone make you think otherwise.

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I can relate to how you feel, to a certain extent, I used to be super shy and social interactions would made me anxious. What helped me the most was moving to another country, all by myself, where I had to come out of my shell. I had to built my social life from scratch, and this experience has made me a lot more extroverted. I also learned to accept myself (that does not mean I am not working on improving myself and my weaknesses), and made peace with myself. I know I won’t be the loudest one at the party, but I am fine with chatting to a couple friends. I think it’s hard to not care at all about what others think, but I realized it’s okay if someone does not like you, it’s life, not everyone will adore you. I’m still not the most confident person out there, but I’m doing a lot better than before. I used to hate going to parties/dinners knowing only a handful of people, but I just kept going out until I became comfortable with these situations. Hope this helps :smug:

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Being afraid of what others might think and obsessing about it is usually driven by your own unforgiving nature, meaning being a hyper critical, judgmental person yourself. You fear of what you do to others will be done to you. So it's not about loving yourself, it's about learning to be kinder and more forgiving. It's about accepting that everyone has flaws and that's being human. It's about learning how to be kinder and turning off your own inner critic.

 

This is IT in a nutshell. When we're young, kids can be judgmental and cruel. This can start a vicious cycle that teaches us to view everything and everyone through a critical eye, including ourselves. Good parenting at home helps to reverse that cycle, but most of us have not had ideal childhoods. So it's up to each of us to reverse that spiral for ourselves. It starts with being as kind to ourselves as we would be to others, then upping that a notch to being forgiving. When we can forgive our own flaws, we tend to be more generous in forgiving those in others, and the spiral reverses as we teach ourselves the benefits of the upward spiral.

 

It takes work, it doesn't just happen 'to' us. Counseling can help, so if you're in school, take advantage of the mental health services on campus, because your tuition has already paid that bill. Otherwise, try using your adult voice to speak with your child voice to help unravel where you get stuck. In other words, identify where you're using old, worn out ideas to characterize people instead of allowing yourself to learn who they really are. Drop the defenses you adopted during childhood, and use kinder and more inspiring self talk instead of drilling yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of.

 

It's a decision.

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I hate being an awkward, shy, unconfident, sensitive overthinking loser. I want to learn to love myself and just be me. I have a friend who is outgoing and radiates confidence. My friend makes friends easily on the other hand, I struggle making friends easily and have a hard time fitting in. I care too much what others think, and I try to convince myself that i shouldn’t care, yet I still do. When people tease me I tend to take things seriously and take things personal. Any advice? How did you become a confident person?

 

Just go with the flow. The only thing holding you back. Is yourself.

 

Remember that you have a very amazing best friend that always has your back no matter what. That friend is yourself.

 

Good luck!

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People's opinions of you are like a Rorschach (ink blot) test. It's the same figure but whatever they are saying is a reflection of them, not you. Other than that some short term therapy to sort some stuff out and get some interpersonal navigation tips could help tremendously.

I care too much what others think, and I try to convince myself that i shouldn’t care, yet I still do. When people tease me I tend to take things seriously and take things personal.
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I find it fascinating how easily this seems to be solved.

 

I’m going to take a more realistic approach because well let’s be honest, if you could just you know stop being insecure and self critical I’m sure you would... I’m sure literally everyone would, I doubt there would ever be an insecure person in existence if it were that easy to you know just not be...lol... sheesh...

 

Sarcasm aside.

 

See someone, start with a Dr. they may suggest counseling or medication. You may need to dig into past relationships, friendships, your childhood who knows, I certainly don’t based on the few posts you’ve written, all I know is you have a crush on your boss.

 

This isn’t going to be an easy fix, but you can make steps to begin your journey, I think it will be worth it.

 

Good luck!

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Look into Mindfulness Meditation. It deals with all the problems you describe, as well as says many of the answers that the other people have commented. I have been meditation for at least 20 minutes a day for the last 2 years and it has cured many of the symptoms you describe. It is not religous, although I study Buddhist Meditation. But I am not a Buddhist, I just use the Meditation and the Philosophy. It has a lot to do with dealing with the way others think of you, and your response to them, and deeper tranquility and happiness. You will not take up a religion by reading about it. Mindfulness Meditation is only for self confidence and happiness. There are many youtubes, FB groups, and blogs about it. Millions of people do it every day

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I hate being an awkward, shy, unconfident, sensitive overthinking loser. I want to learn to love myself and just be me. I have a friend who is outgoing and radiates confidence. My friend makes friends easily on the other hand, I struggle making friends easily and have a hard time fitting in. I care too much what others think, and I try to convince myself that i shouldn’t care, yet I still do. When people tease me I tend to take things seriously and take things personal. Any advice? How did you become a confident person?

 

Your desire can outweigh your thoughts and actions of who you perceive yourself to be right now. You said, you want to learn to love yourself and just be you. Part of you IS the shy, sensitive side, begin to love yourself for the place you are right now and make small changes to begin to open yourself up to who you'd like to be. For instance, I used to be VERY negative, complain, complain, complain, gossip, gossip, gossip. I hated those qualities about myself but felt like it was the fabric of who I was and I didn't or couldn't see how to change it.

I started by reading and learning through my Bible quiet times in the mornings to see what God's word had to say about those qualities that I didn't like much within myself. What I learned helped me to replace the lies and the bad qualities I had to becoming more and more what God created me to be. Slowly and surely I would catch myself falling into the same traps as before and I would make a decision to stop. Turn around and speak positively, to not just talk and blather on because I was unconfident in who I was, but to have peace knowing just like a loaf of rising bread that I wasn't fiinished yet and the best was yet to come. I have peace accepting who I am, flaws and all, I'm thankful because I have changed and improved, but I'm still not finished yet. There's more good to come as I follow Jesus Christ and let him lead and guide me.

I hope my story helps you. Please don't let self defeating talk dictate who you are. Choose everyday to love yourself and step out to stretch yourself to learn about becoming someone who sees the world differently through unique eyes. My how boring this life would be if we were all the same. Your confident friend may just see qualities within you that they wish they had!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey Peachypeach,

 

Don't Compare Yourself To Others

The path you're on is unique to you. By comparing yourself to others, you not only begin to worry, but you slow yourself down.

The last thing you need is distraction.

Set a Goal, make a plan and take action!!!

As you focus on your goals and continue to persevere, you will soon have a few successes to celebrate along the way!

 

;)

 

Warmly,

 

Guythecoach

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Although being confident is a psychological trait, you can improve your self-confidence by dedicating some time for training your body. Working out not only keeps you healthy, but it affects your mind set in a positive way. Start working out & you will feel your confidence growing

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