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RicBoy
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Then why do you want her back so badly? Why continue to ask her out?

 

I guess ur right. I did smother her spending a lot of time together, wanting to be with her all the time, I was unemployed back then So i guess I didn't have much going on.

But she really had fault on this too.

 

But u make a fair point.

 

I'm not contacting her anymore. I will only reply to her when she reaches out and keep things about the kids. Definitely not asking her for coffees. And during the kids exchanges I guess I have to go to her door step, but hi and bye and that's all. That's the plan.

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Take in consideration she has reached out ... said she wants nothing to do with me.

 

She did not reach out, she contacted you about logistics.

 

My advice remains the same as in your other thread.

 

 

You keep talking about her "reaching out" to you.

 

She has not done any such thing. She contacted you about logistics. Kids, tidying up items.

 

Each time she does this you misinterpret it as something it isn't.

 

Then you get all weak/needy/clingy and bombard her (her expressed view - "sending more msgs than u should") with "I love you" and "Lets go out together" messages.

 

You are begging, pleading and making a fool of yourself. You are validating her decision to give you the boot.

 

You are annoying her and making her angry, probably why she mentioned your ex after you, yet again, asked her out.

 

You physically assaulted this woman, you are lucky she didn't call the cops.

 

What are you going to do when she calls you to arrange kids' time, and tells you her new boyfriend is doing the pick up?

 

You need to take the advice that has been given multiple times on this thread, because you are carrying on like an immature prat and in the process ruining what little chance (probably none, in truth) that you ever had of reconciling with her

 

For a start, pay attention to Einstein's definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

 

No contact, strict no contact, and no kid dates, because you can't help yourself - see above.

 

Read this thread and all the advice in it again. And get some help with the anger issues, and no more violence against women.

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She did reach out a week ago after several weeks of no contact "hi, do you have my book called....? Haven't see it...

 

Yes, but you are assigning a significance to it that isn't there. You keep insisting she's "reaching out" to play some love-tag game with you. A game you invented in your own mind, a game only you are playing.

 

Reference:

 

You keep talking about her "reaching out" to you.

 

She has not done any such thing. She contacted you about logistics. Kids, tidying up items.

 

"Do you have my book?" would be classified under, "tidying up items"

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She did reach out a week ago after several weeks of no contact "hi, do you have my book called....? Haven't see it...

 

That is not a reach out. Probably just logistics. It might be a breadcrumb, so she can provoke a reaction from you, and then punish you some more for hitting her. If so, you are a puppet dancing to her tune.

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That's exactly what she did. As soon as I asked her out. She said she wants nothing to do with me. And then a few more msgs from me. And same speech from her "u haven't changed, the same smothering guy"...

 

To answer to the other post, I never touched that book, she knew exactly it was in her place, and this msg was almost 3 months after we broke up

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You need to let go of this fantasy that you two will wind up together.

 

You won't. You are probably going to learn this the hard way when you one day find out she has a new boyfriend. That is what's coming, sooner or later.

This girl will not have a boyfriend any time soon. She was like 1 to 2 years before me in a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy. She said she never allowed him to even sleep over. As soon as she met me, she dropped him, told me I was bf material and dropped him without any warnings.

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I guess she is done with me and I have to accept it. As I mentioned I'll keep things for the kids, I'll go to her doorstep with my son, hi and bye and stay in no contact forever and just reply to her texts whenever she initiates.

And come back here and read that again if you ever feel like doing anything different*^^

 

As for "just reply to her texts whenever she initiates"...I would say it depends on what she wants....No reply at all might be your best path out of this fire*

 

Grieving the loss of someone we were in love with/obsessed with/addicted to...whatever the label. can be difficult, long and arduous...But you can do it Ric* I have faith in you!

 

And never forget the lessons learned here*

 

Carus*

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This girl will not have a boyfriend any time soon. She was like 1 to 2 years before me in a fu-ck buddies arragment with a guy. She said she never allowed him to even sleep over. As soon as she met me, she dropped him, told me I was bf material and dropped him without any warnings.

 

You’re missing the point completely.

 

There will be another man in her life sooner or later. Boyfriend, FWB, the mailman. The bottom line is that it won’t be you.

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And come back here and read that again if you ever feel like doing anything different*^^

 

As for "just reply to her texts whenever she initiates"...I would say it depends on what she wants....No reply at all might be your best path out of this fire*

 

Grieving the loss of someone we were in love with/obsessed with/addicted to...whatever the label. can be difficult, long and arduous...But you can do it Ric* I have faith in you!

 

And never forget the lessons learned here*

 

Carus*

 

Thank you so much for your advice. We had a little family, my son 9 years old, her daughter 12. Really a shame.

 

It's going to be hard for me to see her at her doorstep in 3 weeks or so knowing that possibly she is already sleeping with another guy, maybe not I don't know. Also I am embaressed of my behaviour. She reached out with a breadcrumb and I went right back arguing about the past, relationship, professing my love and the desire to get back together. And she told me "u haven't changed, this is who u are".

 

I haven't seen her since November 12th when I left her Company. She was my supervisor, I think she pulled some strings to fire me. I do same job at a different company and I get positive feedback all the time.

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And then you hit her.

Man I didn't hit, we were having at argument and the bed was behind her, and push her to the bed that was it really. Pretty sure she used all this fight to have an exit out of relationship. She was feeling smothered, which was my fault ofc. I spent too much time with her too much too soon

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Man I didn't hit, we were having at argument and the bed was behind her, and push her to the bed that was it really. Pretty sure she used all this fight to have an exit out of relationship. She was feeling smothered, which was my fault ofc. I spent too much time with her too much too soon

 

You can’t push people wether there is a bed there or not. That is caveman crap.

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You can’t push people wether there is a bed there or not. That is caveman crap.

 

Not sure why she was so chocked, she told me she pulled a knife on the father of her kid lol.. Anyways this girl has issues too. Even if she hadn't she doesn't want me anyways

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Not sure why she was so chocked, she told me she pulled a knife on the father of her kid lol.. Anyways this girl has issues too. Even if she hadn't she doesn't want me anyways

 

NO ONE SHOULD BE ASSAULTED PERIOD. This is not some big joke. If she had called the police your butt would be sitting in jail right now and your child would be in care somewhere else.

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I'm gonna keep my distance for good from her and just keep things for the kids. I'll reply when she reaches out and that's all. I'll never initiate myself any contact. Every time I contacted her I was either ignored or presented with a beautiful I no longer have feelings for u or I don't wanna meet u. It's enough of giving her a chance to reject me time after time.

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I'll reply when she reaches out and that's all

 

You need to think some more about what amounts to a reach out.

 

If its organizing a kid play day, its not a reach out.

 

If its a breadcrumb to provoke you, its not a reach out.

 

If you do the right thing and terminate the kiddie play days, it will simplify matters.

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I fell like an idiot to the breadcrumb. I went right away back to the old pattern. Asking her out, over texting her, tell I love her, that want her back..

Aftwr I replied to her breadcrumb, we exchanged 3 msgs or so.. And she called me, her first words "what do you want from me?", like an idiot I said "I want you" and she goes "that's not going to be possible"...

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Also I am embaressed of my behaviour.

See, everybody here seems to be focusing on one thing you did and yes it wasn't good, but as a trained counselor I think it's a positive that you recognise that and feel remorse.

 

It's one thing that saddens me about ENA. People come here in pain and looking for answers and help only to get beaten up....Still, it is an open, public forum manned mainly by people volunteering their time....

 

But anyway, hopefully you will learn from this and never let it happen again.

 

And so, moving forward from here, I can also see you are still quite in the denial stage...and yes that's all part of healing and grieving.

 

The sooner you can work towards acceptance, the sooner you can find peace.....

 

Your time starts now*

 

Carus*

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See, everybody here seems to be focusing on one thing you did and yes it wasn't good, but as a trained counselor I think it's a positive that you recognise that and feel remorse.

 

It's one thing that saddens me about ENA. People come here in pain and looking for answers and help only to get beaten up....Still, it is an open, public forum manned mainly by people volunteering their time....

 

But anyway, hopefully you will learn from this and never let it happen again.

 

And so, moving forward from here, I can also see you are still quite in the denial stage...and yes that's all part of healing and grieving.

 

The sooner you can work towards acceptance, the sooner you can find peace.....

 

Your time starts now*

 

Carus*

 

With all due respect Carus , being a “trained” counsellor doesn’t even suggest a qualification.

 

You call yourself a counsellor , not an experienced psychologist.

 

To state remorse is one thing , to express remorse is another.

 

The OP has as far as I can tell excused his behaviour only.

Please correct me with quotes if you think I am wrong.

 

He clearly has minimal custody of the kid as he refers to his child.

Has only dated this woman for 7 months so it’s unlikely the kid has any real friendship with her kid.

And in fact neither child should have even met at this point!!?

 

What’s your opinion on that???

 

You are volunteering your time here as is everyone else and you assume no one else is as “qualified” as you.

 

Are you aware that there are many volunteers on ENA responding that are actually qualified clinical psychologists but that don’t state they are???

Do you realise there is good reason for that??

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