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RicBoy
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Guys quick question, No need to go read my previous posts, case is complicated.

In a vacuum during kids exchange, she was the dumper, i'm going to see her for the first time in 3 months after the break up.

 

I'm going to drive to her place with my kid, should I go to her doorstep with the kid and give him to her, or should I just stop the car in front of her house, kid gets out and I leave immediately?

 

Take in consideration she has reached out and i asked her out twice for a drink and she said no, and said she wants nothing to do with me.

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Dude don’t call your son, “ it”. At least make sure he gets inside the door . She ain’t interested.

 

typo. He is been there with me million times when we were together he knows the way and ill text her before I arrive.

So go with him and knock on her door or just leave him in front of her house and leave?

 

Does it show im butt-hurt if i don't go to her doorstep? or gets her attention more by not going?

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You are butt-hurt. If they gave Oscars for being butt-hurt, you'd have no competition. And you've already showed her that, over and over, and over and over, and then, for good measure, a few more times. So rest assured that, at this point, there is literally nothing you can do to "not show" that.

 

Good news? It doesn't matter, if you can value your child above your wounded pride and porcelain ego. What does that look like? It looks like stripping this down to what is real rather than what you wish to be real: that you dated someone for a hot minute, didn't work out, and now your children are friendly. That's the story, beginning to end, and it's hardly a singular one.

 

Let's say you and I are male acquaintances. Not close, not much to talk about; in fact, we don't even like each other all that much. But I have a daughter who your son hangs out with every now and then. How would you handle that "exchange"? Whatever your answer, that's how you handle this one: like a grownup, not a butt-hurt guy still looking for an angle.

 

Do that and, in time, something will happen. You will show yourself something of great value that I sense you've yet to discover: that you can heal from being butt-hurt, rather than being defined by it.

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Will her bf or a male relative or neighbor be inside? It's not trespassing if you do not go on her property so if things got ugly she couldn't have you arrested.

I'm going to drive to her place with my kid, should I go to her doorstep with the kid and give him to her, or should I just stop the car in front of her house, kid gets out and I leave immediately?

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You are butt-hurt. If they gave Oscars for being butt-hurt, you'd have no competition. And you've already showed her that, over and over, and over and over, and then, for good measure, a few more times. So rest assured that, at this point, there is literally nothing you can do to "not show" that.

 

Good news? It doesn't matter, if you can value your child above your wounded pride and porcelain ego. What does that look like? It looks like stripping this down to what is real rather than what you wish to be real: that you dated someone for a hot minute, didn't work out, and now your children are friendly. That's the story, beginning to end, and it's hardly a singular one.

 

Let's say you and I are male acquaintances. Not close, not much to talk about; in fact, we don't even like each other all that much. But I have a daughter who your son hangs out with every now and then. How would you handle that "exchange"? Whatever your answer, that's how you handle this one: like a grownup, not a butt-hurt guy still looking for an angle.

 

Do that and, in time, something will happen. You will show yourself something of great value that I sense you've yet to discover: that you can heal from being butt-hurt, rather than being defined by it.

 

I guess door-step will be.

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I'd cancel this exchange. It's obvious this is about using your son as bait in the hopes of getting her back. Not only is this a waste of time, but attempting to use your child as a pawn is disturbing and unfair.

 

He was already in xmas there. I didnt see her during the exchanges, I was working and my other ex who happened to be at my place (my son's mom) handled it.

 

Also, when i told my ex, I wouldn't like the idea of him going over her place because we arent talking at all, she goes "what is wrong with you, kids cant be friends because I dont want to be with you? your son cannot have friends unless you are f-u-cking their moms?"

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He was already in xmas there. I didnt see her during the exchanges, I was working and my other ex who happened to be at my place (my son's mom) handled it.

 

Also, when i told my ex, I wouldn't like the idea of him going over her place because we arent talking at all, she goes "what is wrong with you, kids cant be friends because I dont want to be with you? your son cannot have friends unless you are f-u-cking their moms?"

 

She seems like a vulgar woman. Not somebody I would associate my son with.

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It's clear why you don't want people reading your posting history. You don't want anyone to know the full story of why this woman wants nothing to do with you.

 

She told you no more than once. More than twice.

 

Walk your child to the front door, say a civil hello, then leave. Do NOT ask her for a date or for you to do something together with the kids.

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You posted this last week. You have allowed this woman to dictate your life:

"Should I ask ex out?

I'm in a hard situation. 7 month relationship. She left me 2 months ago, I chased and beg for a month, she blocked me everywhere. My son is friends with her daughter. One month no contact she reached out and asked if she could pick up my kid to spend the night at her place with her daughter. I was at work, so she picked him up and dropped him off, I didn't see her. Meanwhile we exchanged a few msgs mostly planning about the kid etc. I asked her for coffee, she said she thinks it's not a good idea. 10 days later I broke no contact wishing her happy new year, she replied wishing me too. It's been no contact now for 7 days exactly. Next month my kid will come again to visit me in the holidays, and she is likely to reach out again asking again to pick him up. Should I ask her out again? Maybe dinner with the kids?"

 

When are you going to consider what is best for your kid? There is NO reason that your child should be going over there.

 

She wants nothing to do with you. What are you not getting!

Edited by Hollyj
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It's clear why you don't want people reading your posting history. You don't want anyone to know the full story of why this woman wants nothing to do with you.

 

She told you no more than once. More than twice.

 

Walk your child to the front door, say a civil hello, then leave. Do NOT ask her for a date or for you to do something together with the kids.

 

Sounds good ty

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Does your son have other friends? If so I would cancel as this is a total mess.

 

What happens when you start dating someone new and you are dropping your son off at an ex gf's house for a playdate?

 

Sooner or later the childs friendship with her son will end, better sooner than later.

 

You need a total clean break from her and stay as far away as possible.

 

Lost

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having a really hard time to go to her doorstep after being rejected a million times like a dog waiting for the queen to throw a bone

 

I get it. But this is one of those growth moments that you get to challenge yourself to be the bigger person and handle an uncomfortable situation respectfully.

Do it for yourself.

 

Be mature, walk to the door, say hello, tell your son you'll see him and later and leave.

 

Cake walk? No.

But you should be able to handle this and give yourself some credit for having done so.

Edited by reinventmyself
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having a really hard time to go to her doorstep after being rejected a million times like a dog waiting for the queen to throw a bone

 

Stop being the dog... and don't be stubborn... set your ego aside, walk your kid to the door, say a polite hello to her, say good bye to your kid and walk away.

 

And I highly recommend you slowly removing your kid from this woman's life... what she said to you when you said you were uncomfortable was totally unacceptable and not someone I would particularly want my kid spending a bunch of time with.

 

Doesn't have to be a bunch of drama about it... just keep your kid busy with other stuff so they don't have time to hang out.

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Stop being the dog... and don't be stubborn... set your ego aside, walk your kid to the door, say a polite hello to her, say good bye to your kid and walk away.

 

And I highly recommend you slowly removing your kid from this woman's life... what she said to you when you said you were uncomfortable was totally unacceptable and not someone I would particularly want my kid spending a bunch of time with.

 

Doesn't have to be a bunch of drama about it... just keep your kid busy with other stuff so they don't have time to hang out.

 

She wrote :"grow the fu-ck up, and be a father to your kid, you fu-cking sociopath, the kids are both very upset that you don't let them meet because I don't want to be with you. They are kids for god sakes, What's wrong with you? So your son cannot have friends unless your fu-cking their moms?"

 

Hate is better than indifference right? Lmao

 

I replied: "come to my place and let's "talk" about it 😏"

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She wrote :"grow the fu-ck up, and be a father to your kid, you fu-cking sociopath, the kids are both very upset that you don't let them meet because I don't want to be with you. They are kids for god sakes, What's wrong with you? So your son cannot have friends unless your fu-cking their moms?"

 

Hate is better than indifference right? Lmao

She wrote that? I take it all back. Cut all ties and get your son some new friends.

 

Kids are resilient and I wouldn't trust a mom that would talk to me like that . .even if I deserved it.

 

Too much drama and too much of a risk exposing your son to it. Be done with it all already. Game over.

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She wrote :"grow the fu-ck up, and be a father to your kid, you fu-cking sociopath, the kids are both very upset that you don't let them meet because I don't want to be with you. They are kids for god sakes, What's wrong with you? So your son cannot have friends unless your fu-cking their moms?"

 

Hate is better than indifference right? Lmao

 

Be a better father and remove your child from this situation. He will survive.

 

I think the only reason you have allowed this, is because you want her back. You are not putting your child before your own needs. Terrible!

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