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Should I go on a date with this guy?


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Happy New Year

 

I need some advice on the following:

 

I matched with a guy on tinder a few months back. We spoke sporadically before getting into a pretty lenghtly texting exchange over topics, ourselves, but mainly (what i bleive to be) misunderstandings regarding the fact we havent met up etc...

 

BAck story:

 

We were meant to meet up the first time, where he invited me to join him and his friends as they were having dinner. I thought this would be a bit intimidating as I would prefer for the two of us to meet up on a date kind of thing. I explained this to him, which he was fine with. Then, I was sort of dating this other guy but that fell apart and I got a new phone. I lost all my messages, but then this guy who ive been texting popped up and was v interested in what I was up to etc... I was quite dismissive, as we didnt arrange to go on another date.

 

Anyway, we started talking quite frequently and it was all great. He is quite an alpha male and traditional it would seem. Which I am fine with. But he misunderstood some of my points and is quite judgemental. Anyway, this annoyed me, which I expressed and we arranged to meet up 3 more times, (2 of which I rejected because he asked me to meet with no notice around where he was working and I was at the gym and had other plans), and the other I cancelled early as he didnt confirm the plans until a few hours before we were meant to meet up and had told me he went to bed in the morning.

 

Anyway, I expressed that I was annoyed about the meeting up situation and told him several times that I wasnt going to speak anymore as I thought he wanted to meet up - i asked if he was just interested in sex and he told me that he wouldnt have spoken to me for this long if he was only interested in that. I feel he also likes my vibe and what I do for a living etc... and we see eye to eye on a lot fo things, but are bot stubborn people, (I am less stubborn I feel).

 

Then, over Christmas vacay we spoke at length almost every day - some great texts, some were misunderstandings etc... and he has a harsh humour I dont like that he apologies for. Then he poked fun at me so I ended the conversation again after being annoyed. It took a week for him to see my point of view and he apologied several times as he wasnt getting that i was mad.

 

After new year, he pretty much blanked me as I was annoyed at some of the things he had said, which I said I was over, but I dont think he was getting it because we were talking via text and havent actually met. I did send a string of texts, (some drunken) expressing that I liked him and that it was a shame that w espoke for so long without meeting.

 

Then the other day he basically sent me a speil of messages saying that I was judgemental and I misunderstood him, didnt listen etc... which maybe I am accountable for. He told me he had a stressful month and I suggested we move on from it. He then agreed and asked me on a date?! I am not free that evening, and he is not around for a few days after.

 

We've had some deep conversations about some personal stuff etc... and I think that deep down we are very similar and react in the same way. But he is also v intelligent and is v successful in what he does. He is quite intense as a person and has some intense beliefs, which I dont completely identify with, but I dont know what to make of it all and if I should block him and move on or go on a date?

 

Im nervous as we have spoke for 4 months and we havent met.

 

Can someone make sense of the right thing to do please?

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so I ended the conversation again after being annoyed. It took a week for him to see my point of view and he apologied several times as he wasnt getting that i was mad.
You don't even know him and he doesn't know you but he knows by now that you are often "annoyed" or "mad" or you aren't happy with the way he arranges to meet you etc etc etc.

 

Why are you trying to find a partner on a shady app like "Tinder?" Find a more reputable app and a more suitable date... one who doesn't piss you off like he seems to.

 

I also suggest that you stop having "meaningful" or "deep" or "personal stuff" etc kind of convos over text because all of that can just lead to you getting annoyed or mad or etc.

 

P.S. Next time meet a dude within two weeks of chatting and if you can't make it happen then just next him.

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If someone is interested in you and not catfishing or married/involved, they will meet you asap. Hopefully you are dating real men in real life and not wasting time texting a tinder illusion. Are you lonely or isolated in some way? Do you work, go to school or have other ways to socialize?

 

You need to delete and block this entity from all your dating apps, messaging apps and social media and meet men in real like and get on some quality (paid) dating apps. Get outside away from the phone and enjoy real life. Join some clubs and groups, volunteer, take some classes and courses. Do not get caught up in this type of thing.

I matched with a guy on tinder we have spoke for 4 months and we havent met.

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we arranged to meet up 3 more times, (2 of which I rejected because he asked me to meet with no notice around where he was working and I was at the gym and had other plans),

- we call that a booty-call!

 

But he is also v intelligent and is v successful in what he does.

 

- but not very savvy in dating / relationships.

 

If you are having so many problems with a guy who you have never even met, I would say it's not a match. I would suggest talking to other guys.

 

If you can't meet within a week and a half or so, move on.

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Personally when I’ve done online dating I made it a point to meet in person ASAP if there was chemistry over text and phone.

 

So much non-verbal is missing from apps and texts and even video chats....there is no replacement for face to face communication!

 

Sounds like this got so convoluted through the “endless messaging syndrome” and now you’d both bring predetermined opinions/expectations to a “first” meet up.

 

Maybe some valuable lessons to learn about being upfront about your expectations for a first date and how you’d like the arrangements for it to be thought out and agreed upon?

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If you take into consideration that at this time you are both on your best behavior, what would a few months down the road look like?

 

You keep making the point that you both so are similar. Similar isn't always a good idea, especially in this case where you seem to bring out the worst in each other.

 

I am a believer that things that begin badly, usually end up ending badly.

I'd throw this one back and start over.

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What a colossal waste of your precious time, and letting yourself be stressed out by a total stranger. He has no common sense, asking for a first date that involves his friends, and then asking to meet with two hours notice. All of these red flags waving in your face, and you still want to give him a chance? When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

 

If a guy can't meet with you within two weeks of communication, cut the line and move on, because it takes dating a boatload of men to find a keeper. At the rate you're going, it'll take you eons longer to find someone.

 

Try Meetup.com for a less stressful venue for dating. Hopefully Meetup will have local groups of singles in your age group that meet up for fun activities.

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My experience with this kind of guy is the outcome is not good. He's selfish. Maybe he's just after sex, or he's just self-absorbed, selfish, and not genuinely interested...perhaps otherwise involved in a relationship, married even. Who knows? I just know that in my personal experience, a guy who plans to meet you with such narrow constraints is a selfish man. He plans a "date" with you to coincide with plans he already has going on. He decides last minute if he wants to see you, sandwiching you between other more important things.

 

The few times he has expressed interest in meeting you, it is on short notice..."I've got some time to kill, let's see if Daphnedennis is available." This might be after his three other prospects said "no."

 

Then he has the audacity to get mad at you for not being available at his beck and call. How dare you?

 

He doesn't listen to you and gets annoyed at you when you don't agree with him, and he does very little to understand your point of view. He's "one of those," I suspect where his opinion is the only valid one. Oh sure, he apologized that one time he was an insensitive dolt, but it seems to me, a majority of your conversations are riddled with conflict, and he doesn't spare the rod when it comes to passing judgement on you. Add insult to injury, this, on top of the fact that he can barely find an hour or two to meet you at least once for

a friggin' cup of coffee.

 

The bottom line is that a majority of your interaction with this man makes you agitated, worried, and angry, or at the very least, annoyed. You feel belittled by him, I'm sure. He sits on his pedestal and awaits your fawning on him and leaping to his every whim...who cares what works for you. He is, after all, the end-all, be-all of the perfect specimen.

 

Sure, he has his good qualities, which is why you've latched on to him as long as you have. I met and quasi-dated such a character, more than once, I'm afraid. I had one that would cancel on me regularly of which I complied, knowing his health issues, but when I canceled on him last-minute once? That did not go over well, and I even got a nasty email telling me what a horrible person I am. It's okay if they disagree with your POV or challenge your views, but if you do the same with him, it's met with a level of vitriol that far outweighs the issue at hand.

 

I think the bottom line is that if he can't plan in advance to meet you personally, there is something else going on:

  • He has a girlfriend/wife
  • He really isn't all that into you
  • He has too many women in the "little black book" that await his attention and leap to see him when he expresses an interest, you're really an afterthought
  • He is stunted and incapable of a relationship

 

Notice the number of times he "goes dark" and then reemerges like nothing happened.

 

There is way too much conflict and way too much anxiety enveloping this man and whatever relationship you have going, and personally, I think it's best you let this one go.

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I don't understand why you're investing so much time and effort having all these conversations with someone you don't know? And also why you're so fixated on this one guy when there are thousands of other guys on Tinder! Chatting online should be pretty light. You shouldn't be having arguments and talking about personal stuff because you basically don't know each other. And it shouldn't be this much hard work! All this doesn't sound good to be honest.

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