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Hey everyone, I hope this won't sound too superficial but it has been bugging me for a while now. So I've been told a few times I look innocent. I didn't pay too much attention to it, but today a friend of mine told me I look 'so virginal', and I didn't like it to be honest. I don't know how you can tell that someone looks innocent or not, or maybe I just don't think about it, but I'm just tired of people being shocked when they learn I did something (remotely) sexual.

My friend reacted that way when I told her about my recent night out, and that I made out with a guy in a club.

I think I just need to vent, I don't know why I give these innocent vibes. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just annoying.

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Ignore the comments. There's no need to take the bait or discuss your history. Keep them guessing. Be yourself and just laugh off nonsense remarks like that.

a friend of mine told me I look 'so virginal', My friend reacted that way when I told her about my recent night out, and that I made out with a guy in a club.

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What do you think they mean by 'innocent'?

 

I have no idea. I'm usually nice to people but I'm not super shy or quiet, so I don't why they assume I'm innocent. I smile a lot but I don't know if it matters.

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How important is all this to you? It seems rather inconsequential. Don't worry about what other people think or say. Get some self-confidence.

It's not very important, it has been bugging me for a while but I don't lose my sleep over it. I agree I need to work on my self-confidence, it's an ongoing issue.

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Do you look younger than you actually are? Like, do you look like you are 12? Do you have a baby face? That's all I can come up with as to why people would say that to you. Best thing to do is just ignore them.

 

I think I do look younger, because I'm petite I guess. Not 12 though, I wear makeup and wear feminine clothes, but people usually assume I'm younger. I have a very soft voice so maybe that's why. Not really a baby face. I'll just ignore these comments, I don't know why it hit me today. Thanks for your comment :)

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There's a phenomenon called an, "Ingenue." I'll post some quotes from an old website where the original article was deleted:

 

There are two types this discusses (all for fun, don't take too seriously). One is the normal Ingenue, which is a woman who seems to not ever age, and even in older age, keeps a very strange girlishness and adorableness about her that draws men in naturally.

 

The other type is the negative, bad type called a female fatale, "Eternal Ingenue," who uses the natural ingenue characteristics she has to hurt and break the hearts of men. The typical ingenue characteristics that make her come across as innocent and virginal and just almost irresistable to many men aren't really bad, but the Eternal Ingenue knows how to use them for bad if that makes sense.

 

"She can be distinguished from the Waif, however, by the fact that where the Waif is often silent, and usually still, the Eternal Ingenue is in continual, graceful, coltish motion. Nor is she surrounded by an aura of doom-laden unhappiness. She talks a lot. She laughs a good deal. She is above all else, animated. Prancing, gambolling, frolicking like a puppy or a pony, she is often described as “charming” or “enchanting.”

 

"When guys talk about being attracted to an ethereal “girlishness” in women, they are thinking of ingenues from their pasts. Being a man is tough — it requires strength, stoicism, and seriousness of purpose. We are drawn to the opposite in women, yang to yin, and so the ingenue — the antithesis of the hardened alpha male — captures our imagination like no other woman can. Of the four femme fatales Clio wrote of, the Eternal Ingenue comes closest to embodying the essence of the perfect woman. And, unfortunately, she is also the most difficult to tame.

 

"An element of the Ingenue’s search for the perfect love is that she must convince herself that all her previous loves were wrong or bad or not “real” love at all, so they didn’t count, because, you see, for her the only perfect love is first love. As a result of all this self-deception, she is able to seem virginal even when she is not.

 

"She’ll put her trust in a handful of other women, but they are often much older than she is. […]

 

"The Ingenue doesn’t necessarily refuse to be responsible or adult. She simply maintains an air of girlish sweetness and innocence through middle and old age. […]

 

"…the waif’s childlike qualities may make a man feel protective: they do not make him feel fatherly. The whole point of the Ingenue is that she brings out this feeling in men. She makes them want to initiate her into the world, but gently, in a fatherly way, with books and talk and advice."

 

Hope that helps!

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I've had people say this to me as well, Kim, so you're not alone. Heard this comment from friends, colleagues, etc.

 

The friends who commented were a bit more on the wild side than me (and yes, I was more tame than them), and the colleagues themselves had no filter (well, one colleague/friend in particular). The comments were by no means meant to be offensive. In fact, I'd say they were quite innocent (See what I did there?).

 

I think the fact that I have a happy disposition, am a bit smiley (or at least, I used to be), am mannerly, with a baby face had something to do with it. But really, who knows. One of my best friend's gave off the same impression and we're similar, so...

 

Don't let it get to you though.

 

I can understand why you'd find it annoying (because I remember cringing a few times when I heard it), but really I just let it roll off my back after the first few times I heard it.

 

It's been a year or so since I've heard anyone make this comment, so maybe I'm losing that look. :)

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I've had people say this to me as well, Kim, so you're not alone. Heard this comment from friends, colleagues, etc.

 

The friends who commented were a bit more on the wild side than me (and yes, I was more tame than them), and the colleagues themselves had no filter (well, one colleague/friend in particular). The comments were by no means meant to be offensive. In fact, I'd say they were quite innocent (See what I did there?).

 

I think the fact that I have a happy disposition, am a bit smiley (or at least, I used to be), am mannerly, with a baby face had something to do with it. But really, who knows. One of my best friend's gave off the same impression and we're similar, so...

 

Don't let it get to you though.

 

I can understand why you'd find it annoying (because I remember cringing a few times when I heard it), but really I just let it roll off my back after the first few times I heard it.

 

It's been a year or so since I've heard anyone make this comment, so maybe I'm losing that look. :)

 

Thanks Milly, I was hoping someone with similarly 'innocent' looks would be here :)

 

I have a happy disposition too, I'm pretty enthusiastic and smile a lot, but you are right, who knows..

 

I guess I didn't like how my friend said it yesterday, but it's fine, I'll get over it :)

 

A lot of men have told me I look like a princess, which I find less annoying for some reason.

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Me too - and my mother. More often than not people apologize much more in front of us if they curse, etc than is typical. I am petite and not soft spoken or shy. I grew up and spent 43 years in a major city and I've always been a tourist magnet I guess because I look safe and approachable. I mean you can come up with some good comebacks but I'd just do a short/clipped "oh, ok" and change the subject. Sorry you are feeling annoyed!

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Me too - and my mother. More often than not people apologize much more in front of us if they curse, etc than is typical. I am petite and not soft spoken or shy. I grew up and spent 43 years in a major city and I've always been a tourist magnet I guess because I look safe and approachable. I mean you can come up with some good comebacks but I'd just do a short/clipped "oh, ok" and change the subject. Sorry you are feeling annoyed!

 

It's true that I've been told I look approachable, I didn't make a link between that and looking 'innocent'. Thank you Batya :)

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It's true that I've been told I look approachable, I didn't make a link between that and looking 'innocent'. Thank you Batya :)

 

I didn't know innocent was a perceived negative. As opposed to what?

For that matter I've been told I appear unapproachable. When I first heard that it surprised me, but it's neither here nor there. It's about just owning who you are and realizing that the beauty of it is everyone come in different packages. Own yours.

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