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Im in LC, couldnt go NC yet... should I?


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If anyone wants the full story, here you go: /showthread.php?t=563175

 

Will try to keep the story short... I had a LTR of 4.5 years that she ended last month, next monday marks 1 month. We had married in march last year, not officially, only a private ceremony and just the two of us during an international trip, and the ceremony was all romantic and the trip was great and we were in love and in a great mood.

 

The first 2 years or so of our relationship were nothing short of amazing, then (not yet sure why) I started neglecting it, like taking it for granted. Maybe was her that pushed me to a “cave” and made me neglect not only her but also myself (lost most of my social contacts and hobbies), but it doesnt matter the reason or who’s to blame for what I’ll ask.

 

For me the breakup came from nowhere and I thought I could fix it and try again, so for the first week I was really sad/depressive and I begged in 3 different occasions, sent her messages, waited for her at our house (she was the one that signed the lease, so its technically her house), sent her a letter. She declined all my tries (harsh on the last one) and never met me in person again. Then on the 8th-ish day I stopped and said I was ok with it, I understood and that was that, but still messaged her after, once or twice even cheerfully. So we ended it in good terms.

 

But as I didnt know of NC by the time, I interacted with her a few times, mostly about issues we had to sort as we lived together (bills, furniture etc), and she even contact me sometimes as well. But today I think I sorted the last issue that *had* to be sorted. And while messaging her for the past couple days, she seemed sometimes cold and sometimes happy, both things hurt me. At least I don’t check her instagram... thatd be too painfull.

 

So the question is... even after a month of back and forth texting (maybe 6 times in total), should I block her as to try to heal faster? I feel that every message of hers will hurt me one way or another. By blocking her, would I look immature? Any advice?

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My advice is the same as in your other thread:

 

she lost attraction for you.

 

The sooner you sort out the logistics and get on with NC and your self improvement program, the better.

 

Good luck, and remember its a journey, not a destination.

 

As the logistics are now complete, it is time for you to block & delete all traces of her.

 

I get it that you are doing NC, now, as a mind game to try and get her back. *

 

That is not the right reason, but if gets you started down the right track, it'll do for now.

 

[*You ask "By blocking her, would I look immature?". If you didn't still want her back you wouldn't care.]

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Thanks for all responses... I’ll most likely block her indeed.

 

How can you be married but not 'officially'?

We married abroad, just us, had an official ceremony, but didnt have the papers legalizing it. As far as we think, its not a piece of paper that defines one’s status, and everyone around us also considered us married.

 

Have you finalized all of the bills, etc....?

I guess so, yes. That’s why I can go NC now and asked here if I should.

 

 

just curious, are you the one initiating contact?

I initiated around 3 times and she initiated about 2 times. On 2 of the occasions where I initiated, it was due to some bills or something we had to take care of, and the other one because I had a random question (needed the info at the time). But I made the mistake on the first time to be polite and when she said she hadnt yet sold a treadmill we didnt want, I asked if she wanted me to sell it. I shouldve let her deal with it... but what done is done, and instead of contacting her about this sale, Ill just redirect anyone interested to call her.

 

 

My advice is the same as in your other thread:

 

 

 

As the logistics are now complete, it is time for you to block & delete all traces of her.

 

I get it that you are doing NC, now, as a mind game to try and get her back. *

 

That is not the right reason, but if gets you started down the right track, it'll do for now.

 

[*You ask "By blocking her, would I look immature?". If you didn't still want her back you wouldn't care.]

 

Well, in my mind its not really a mind game, at least Im not actively thinking that this will make her come back. I just want to heal and our contacts, no matter what is the subject, are hurting me a bit.

 

Special thanks to RayRay, who’s been kindly answering my topics and giving me good advice. :)

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Since you are not legally married, all you need to do is sever any loose ends. In this situation you simply moved in with her and she asked you to move out. Clearly you never resolved the reasons she asked you to leave.

 

The best thing you could do is get to a therapist and stop reading/watching all the get your ex back material that you have been following. As you can see, buzz words like LC/NC, sending letters etc are all pointless.

 

You need to leave her alone before she gets a restraining order. You may be in pain but you need a therapist to work that out with one on one. Try to do what you need to do rather than panicking this much and wondering if that that or the other strategy will get her back.

I begged in 3 different occasions, sent her messages, waited for her at our house (she was the one that signed the lease, so its technically her house), sent her a letter.
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.

You need to leave her alone before she gets a restraining order.

 

Didnt quite get this... Im nowhere near harassing her, nor over contacting her. We are actually exchanging messages when she/I need, as to sort out bills we had or alikes. Also, we lived together for the whole 4.5 years, as I moved in with her 1 month after we started dating, so there may be things (bills, my belongings etc) we have to deal with.

 

But I agree, Im trying my best to put her in the past and not really keep thinking she may come back. Its quite difficult as many of you may know from experience... but I’ll do as you are all saying and try to move on. Easier said than done though.

 

And yes, Im seeing a therapist, its kinda working... its just that the healing process is long and sometimes I feel under the weather.

 

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stop reading/watching all the get your ex back material that you have been following. As you can see, buzz words like LC/NC, sending letters etc are all pointless.

 

Mind elaborating? Why reading these stories are harmful?

 

Thanks

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Because the "get your ex back, guaranteed!!!!!111" sites are not designed to actually get your ex back but to separate you from your money.

 

Think about it logically...if those tactics worked no one would stay broken up, would they?

 

It's also insulting to the exes, who they claim to love...do they think their exes are that thick that they can't see through these tactics, especially since every.single.one of those sites advise the exact same thing? Come on, the exes are not that dense! They know about the "30 days no contact followed by a 'light' text, and a letter, then increasing contact and posting on social media to 'build attraction', then invite your ex to an event". We all have heard of those. Plus, those sites ignore free will, assuming their customers will be brokenhearted enough to NOT realize their exes can simply ignore them or say "no, thanks" to the event invitation or toss the letter.

 

And just because some couple in Wichita, KS reconciled doesn't mean you and your ex will. Two completely different people.

 

Those sites prey on your broken heart to get your money. Period.

 

And yes, it will take a while before you stop feeling those pangs of hurt and/or anxiety. Everything worthwhile takes time and effort. But it's worth it.

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Because the "get your ex back, guaranteed!!!!!111" sites are not designed to actually get your ex back but to separate you from your money.

Oh! Im aware of those sites, I dont read them, I only read LoveShack and eNotAlone, both open forums with real people.

 

And while the “Getting back together really happens” megathread helped me to be less anxious, it may harm me as I keep the hope we will get back together. Hope that I should stop having but its super hard to let go.

 

But while Im healing, I decided to not block her. I will leave the communication channels open, will just not follow her on any social networks nor check on her online.

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Oh! Im aware of those sites, I dont read them, I only read LoveShack and eNotAlone, both open forums with real people.

 

You should find "dating guy" on youtube.

 

He actually tells you that in order to heal properly, you need to stop watching his (or anybody else's) videos.

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You should find "dating guy" on youtube.

 

He actually tells you that in order to heal properly, you need to stop watching his (or anybody else's) videos.

 

Makes sense.

I've noticed that reading some (even binging for a bit) in the past was healthy and helped with my anxiety. But keep reading and not doing anything other than that on my free time actually seems to do some harm.

So now I'm reading about self improvement, as now I need to understand "who am i", as I have lost most of my identity within the past 4 years. And also I must be my actual me, and not a "single version" of myself, that may be a little bit more extroverted than the real me. And I mean that as when I meet someone else in the future, I must not be wearing any masks, and let the real me attract this person, otherwise its going to be a recipe for disaster all over again, once I start being introverted again (which I THINK its the real me). Therapy will help answer some questions as well.

 

Thanks again.

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