benwyatt Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 Hello everyone! I've been dating a guy for some time now. I enjoy time with him and recently met his friends who he had warned me about multiple times. He said they were very different from him and me because they were "pretty wild" AKA were way more into the party scene and whatever is usually tied to that. Well, sure enough. His friends were what he sold them as. Way more "wild" than he and I were to the point where I wondered if I should leave for the sake of not getting in trouble. Mind you, these people are professionals in business consultation. The worst part for me was not that, though. They were absolutely and completely arrogant. Most of our time was spent with the group talking about their recent expensive purchases and laughing about how one of them had gotten into a fight with a "bit*h" who "refused" to sell a display at a "Louis Vuitton" store or something like that. The guy telling this story bragged on and on about how we would have paid whatever it took just to show this "bit*h" he has money. The guy I'm dating went along and laughed and seemed pretty at ease with these conversations. I felt completely out of place and have felt uncomfortable with him since then. In my mind, this painted a picture of him, as I think the friends we choose say lot about us. Any thoughts on this? Thank you! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 Same guy? https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=561769 Have your feelings toward him changed? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 It's been said so many ways throughout all time. "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed" "When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends" Link to comment
benwyatt Posted January 4, 2020 Author Share Posted January 4, 2020 Same guy? https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=561769 Have your feelings toward him changed? They really have! I gave it time and a a chance, and it's been great with him but this stuff with his friends really threw me off. I find humility to be very attractive and this outing with his friends had anything but that... Link to comment
benwyatt Posted January 4, 2020 Author Share Posted January 4, 2020 Thank you for those two great quotes. That's really where my thoughts are at. I think the outing helped solidify some thoughts I had around him and his affinity for material possessions. I think we all like to indulge once in a while, and if you can afford it, go at it. Pretentious, boastful, and vain attitudes are not my thing, though. Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 I was once taught long ago by my mother that "your friends are your future" meaning there's an old proverb: "if you want to judge a man, look to his friends." This means you are the company you keep and eventually you will become influenced to become just like the people whom you associate with especially socially. "If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas" is another one which means if you associate with the wrong type of people, you'll become corrupt and tainted. (I even noticed this with my cousin who married a bad guy.) Also, your character and the choices you make are influenced by whom you choose to spend your time with. Truly good to the core people are rather picky and choosy regarding their friends and whom they prefer to hang out with. If your guy refuses to budge regarding whom he chooses as his friends, you don't have a choice here. His friends are here to stay so the only option for you is for you to exit dating your guy. Apparently, he's a package deal meaning if you wish to continue dating this guy, his friends come along with it and you have to endure how crude they are. Either tolerate your disdain or get out and choose a really great guy who has great, moral, conscientious, honorable friends. Your guy doesn't sound THAT good nor does he have wise decision making skills. He's not perceptive and lacks discernment. He makes poor choices which should be a red flag for you. You are right. The friends you or your guy chooses does indeed say a lot. All of my friends are very refined people with impeccable manners. You only deserve the best. Never settle for subpar people in your life. Link to comment
MaybeThen Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 That type of behavior reeks of a fundamental insecurity. I like your screen name, btw. Love that show. Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 No man is "good" when he makes poor choices. Your guy's friends disrespect women and eventually your guy will act like a boorish jerk towards YOU. Just give it time. Remember this quote: "You are the company you keep." Run for the hills! Link to comment
Gary Snyder Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 Show me who your friends are and I'll show you who you are. Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 I don't believe in the "just say NO" campaign. I always observe people by whom their friends are or lack thereof. It says a lot about their CHARACTER and whether or not they're intelligent enough to make wise choices or not. Pay attention to these types of red flags (poor choices in friends). It's his lifestyle. He will not alter his social life in order to appease you. Choose a great man with great friends because this will make you very happy. I love my husband's friends. They came over to our house for a backyard BBQ and we had a grand time. They're high quality people. This is the type of scenario you want. You don't want to be with men who act like a bunch of animals. Link to comment
indea08 Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 Are these people his ONLY friends?? Or are they maybe people he grew up with and therefore he continues the friendship for that reason, but has other friends that are more aligned with who he appears to be? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 I'd tell him that his friend time can be solo, without me. Whether he ends up to be good relationship material will be on him, not me. I'd observe carefully and keep my mouth shut. There's no way I'd try to 'parent' him away from these people, but the degree of his involvement with them will tell me all I need to know about how long I intend to stick around. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 You choose your friends by who you are. This is who he is at his core even if he keeps that hidden for the time being from you. This is also who you are not as it's left you cold and uncomfortable. You and him are not a match. I've personally found the friends thing to be 100% correct every single time without fail or exception. Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 If my boyfriend or husband associated with 'red flag' characters as friends, I'd look upon his lack of emotional intelligence and empathy with disdain not to mention how he will eventually disrespect women in particular including YOU due to his vulgar influences. Beware. You're next! It's better to be with a man who chooses his friends wisely based upon integrity. My mama told me, "You'd better shop around!" Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 If my boyfriend or husband associated with 'red flag' characters as friends, I'd look upon his lack of emotional intelligence and empathy with disdain not to mention how he will eventually disrespect women in particular including YOU due to his vulgar influences. Beware. You're next! It's better to be with a man who chooses his friends wisely based upon integrity. My mama told me, "You'd better shop around!" Just FYI, the OP is a man. Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 Just FYI, the OP is a man. Thanks, boltnrun. Bad influences all around especially when men associate with other male friends who disrespect women which is a disgrace. Link to comment
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