canadien 1 Posted June 30, 2020 Author Share Posted June 30, 2020 OP You say: "Its like a battle I can not win trying to impress my wife and trying to convince her that I am better than him." Why bother any more, really. That battle I am done with as I understood it to be Limerence; He had no responsibility to my wife and had nothing to lose by agreeing with what ever her imagination she put out; I did and allowed all that out of Trust and confidence in our marriage; that person in me no longer exist. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,193 Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 So you do not know if it was an out of wedlock child from an extra marital affair or legitimate sperm donation? Does his wife know about this love child? What is all the secrecy about? Secret sperm, secret conversation between you and his wife, secret tracking devices, secret kids, secret infertility, secret DNA? Your story keeps changing from affair to sperm donor to coworker to cousin, etc..His wife wants nothing to do with us anymore. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
boltnrun 1,157 Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 Do you not know if they had actual sex or if they went to the clinic together and he provided sperm there? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Smoked 1 Posted August 9, 2020 Share Posted August 9, 2020 Why have you not filed for divorce? You have allowed this affair. You do know that they are having sex, right? You are showing that you have no self respect. You have allowed this for so long now that you can't stop it. She doesn't want to stop. Divorce your cheating wife. you should have 6 months ago. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
canadien 1 Posted August 28, 2020 Author Share Posted August 28, 2020 Do you not know if they had actual sex or if they went to the clinic together and he provided sperm there? She showed me the Sperm donation form on her phone with a date; Could it be forged? may be... She said he paid for the Sperm donation process so there is no proof of payment. The question I ask is why she could not come forth with this information earlier when I was suffering for last 1 year trying to figure out what was happening in front of my own eyes; She said that was her compassion toward me to keep my ego from getting hurt. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ninjabib 82 Posted August 29, 2020 Share Posted August 29, 2020 This is one of the saddest things i have ever read. If this is your culture i'd think about walking away from it. Take your life back. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
canadien 1 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Share Posted August 31, 2020 This is one of the saddest things i have ever read. If this is your culture i'd think about walking away from it. Take your life back. Hello there Guys; So just to Update and clarify; it seems I was fighting an invisible enemy for all this time; Yet, I observed a lot of changes in my wife for the last year; the more she tried to keep the secret the more she got closer to him and detached to me. As of right now we have a No Contact policy in place with this third party and I am asking my wife to get involved with other cousins for activity; and I am already seeing the change as she is more present with me, and that's all I want her to be and that is to be with me Present in this moment. What would you guys recommend to reconnect and bring more attention to each other? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,193 Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 Did you think the child was yours? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
canadien 1 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Share Posted August 31, 2020 Did you think the child was yours? Yes, when child was born I thought that was my child; Yet, when I could not keep my wife apart from Third party I started to put things together; I gave my wife so many chances to stop meeting him alone; She said we are free to make connection with any one and her connection to him has no affect on our relation and connection. For a long time I struggle to make her understand that each call and anticipation to meet him is a robbery of my time and connection to her; She still struggles with this concepts and says that her friendship with him has no relevance to our relationship; is this true? How to clarify that? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,193 Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 She already told you that she turned to her cousin's husband for support and comfort and someone to talk to because she couldn't talk to you. Even marriage therapy didn't help. Even putting tracking devices on her vehicle didn't help. You seem to know why your arranged marriage was so bad, but you claim you didn't want to divorce. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
canadien 1 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Share Posted August 31, 2020 She already told you that she turned to her cousin's husband for support and comfort and someone to talk to because she couldn't talk to you. Even marriage therapy didn't help. Even putting tracking devices on her vehicle didn't help. You seem to know why your arranged marriage was so bad, but you claim you didn't want to divorce. If I had been informed ahead and given the Trust and confidence with this information about Sperm Donation than I would never have a doubt in my mind; This is the most important thing in a marriage, if she can hide such a crucial information away from me being with this Third Party than how would she ever become honest and transparent with me? She says it was just platonic relation and not Emotional Affair as I was pointing toward; She says I made her lose a very good friendship and I am to blame for all that's transpired and how I have destroyed such a good friendship and support system. She says I have acted like 15 year old kid while she has to act mature and deal with fallouts from my insecurity and mistake that has destroyed our life. How would you asses the situation? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,193 Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 She's not happily married and has told you why. She says I have acted like 15 year old kid while she has to act mature and deal with fallouts from my insecurity and mistake that has destroyed our life. How would you asses the situation? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
canadien 1 Posted August 31, 2020 Author Share Posted August 31, 2020 (edited) She's not happily married and has told you why. She never said she was not happy with marriage until I asked her to stop contact with the Third Party; As my Therapist points out certain traits kids show when you take away candy from them that they are eating. The moment she said I wasted her 10 years of life with inattention and neglect that was a big moment because she never said such a thing before. I am just trying to realize how someone can flip a switch on some one and completely turn them off from their life; its as if I was her enemy and abuser; somehow I was forcing and controlling her by asking her to stop contact with the third party. How can I continue to belief and faith in this life when my partner who I though I knew and put all my faith in turned against me; I just do not know what I did wrong to be the villain in all this scenario? When we met this third party it was both families trying to improve our marriages; Yet, somewhere along the lines it became about my wife and his special connection that was bigger than our marriage. Somehow his wife abused him emotionally and my wife was abused by me; My Regret in all this is the fact that Why we could not simply work in transparency and with honesty? I would be proud to take steps to improve our marriage and I would encourage him to do same with his wife; But there has to be intent and complete dedication for that action to come about. Edited August 31, 2020 by canadien Quote Link to post Share on other sites
canadien 1 Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 She's not happily married and has told you why. Third party does not have to take care of his two daughters until they are 11; he is detached from his wife emotionally; while he is evading with my wife with his special connection to her. While I wait for my wife to come home.. My wife remembers nothing about my pain and suffering that I was going through while we were trying to have a baby with all the clinics visit and other things I was doing; while he is was there according to her. How can I win against such a man? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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