Peace of mind Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Hello everyone, Hope you're having fun during holidays! Well three days ago I decided to do things differently and accepted to go on a date with a guy I didn't knew at all. The conversation wasn't bad but I wasn't feeling any attraction or chemistry between us. He asked to see me the other day too and usually big moves from the start are a bit turn off for me cause I like to take my time with people. But the creepy thing was that when we were saying goodbye I reached him my hand so we could shake hands you know (when I meet new people I keep my distance), but he caught my hand and pulled me near him so he could hug me and wouldn't let me go, while doing that he grabbed my arm with one hand and with the other he was touching my hair and whispering how amazing I was and how this leaves him speechless (bull). I was repeating "thank you, thank you but I gotta go" and I went away. But I felt shocked and disgusted and those feelings followed me the other day too. He texted me 20 minutes after we said goodbye, I didn't reply and I went straight to sleep (my fav coping mechanism). The other day in the morning he texted me "How's the sweetest girl I've ever met doing?" with heart emoji and stuff. Well I didn't have the nerves to think about a reply, I'm usually an overthinker and will take hours to send a reply in this case so I just gave up and didn't text him back. Later that day, after midnight he sent me a text telling me how shocked he was, and how he didn't consider that a person like me, looking so sweet and positive on the surface could behave in such a way". I read it and still didn't reply. I do feel guilty for ghosting him and I feel like a hypocrite cause I hate ghosting so much and I know how painful it is. From what I wrote I may seem like a spoiled brat but no I'm actually a really nice person, I'll respect you and act very polite, I'm willing to help you with anything that I can, but if we are not close or friends and you cross my boundaries I'll push you away. I ghosted him for two reasons: Avoiding texting him was the easiest thing to do, and it spared me my overthinking process and anxiety and the second reason is that why should I worry so much about a person that didn't worry at all for violating my space. But like I said I do feel guilty, it's usually very easy to make me feel guilty and I'd like to know your thoughts about that. Thank you! Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Please...don't feel guilty. His behavior was a bit over the top. First date he pulls you towards him and whispers in your ear? Then he texts you in 20 minutes and gets grumpy and accusatory because you didn't reply? No. Way. I would send one final text telling him that you didn't feel you were a good match and wish him luck. If he persists, he's a stalker. Link to comment
Andrina Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 He's a mental case and sounds dangerous. Also, he couldn't just let the rejection sit and had to get a last dig in. Block him and don't reply. After this instance, be prepared in the future. With a guy you're not interested in, don't even offer a handshake, or if you do, if he starts pulling you closer, say, "Stop, I'm not comfortable with hugging someone I've just met." For nice guys, when I did OLD but wasn't interested, I would text: I enjoyed meeting you, but don't feel the chemistry I need for a longterm relationship. Best Wishes. I hope you find a keeper in 2020. Good luck. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 How do you know him? Was it from a dating app or do you know people in common? A simple 'we're not a match' is fine, but don't string anyone along. Then block and delete him. accepted to go on a date with a guy I didn't knew at all. I hate ghosting so much and I know how painful it is. Link to comment
limichelle Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 You did the right thing. I have had scary experience with stalkers by believe it or not, NOT ghosting! I remember I went on a date with a guy I got creepy vibes from. Instead of blocking him I told him I wasn’t interested, he went berserk! He called so much on my home phone that my parents had to call the phone company to block him. This was years ago! I was attending community college and made the dumb mistake of telling him where I went to school on our first date. The next day I received a detailed email from him telling me he saw me on campus and wrote what I was wearing that day and who I was talking too and what I had for lunch. All accurate! I immediately went to the campus police and signed something incase he showed up again. I’ve broken off one short relationship where the guy emailed me so many times and I couldn’t figure out how to block him. I ended up changing my email address. I blocked him on everything. My point is you did the right thing. Some people guys and girls can’t take no for an answer! I don’t know if it’s a blow to the ego or they can ‘change’ our minds. Just trust your instinct always. I would block him on the phone so he can’t keep texting. I was lucky the guy who stalked me on campus didn’t take it further. Lisa Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 DESPERATE! Stay away, he's a little (a lot) strange! He most likely does this with every woman he goes on a date with... how could one say those things to someone they just met? He thinks you will fal for it and go along with him. I would just text back that you didn't feel a connection and then block him. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Tell him no! and then block him. If anything legal worthy needs to be dealt with in future, you have proof you firmly told him to leave you alone. Link to comment
Peace of mind Posted December 30, 2019 Author Share Posted December 30, 2019 Well I live in a small city, we've seen each other on some occasions and events, we were friends on social media, we have one mutual friend but we've never had a conversation. He asked me on a date and because I have a hard time going on dates and letting new people in, I thought maybe this time I can take the risk. Turns out it was not the best person. And honestly I don't wanna go back and try this thing again, I'd rather stick to dating people that at least I've talk to before. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Then politely tell him "we're not a match", then delete and block him from all messaging apps and social media. Since you have people in common, you need to be clear. Word will get around that you're a flake or rude. It sounds like he was a bit too forward but stop making him out to be some sort of would-be rapist. You need to act mature when you start dating. If you don't like a guy do not let them pay your way or for your food and cut things short. Go for coffee next time. we've seen each other on some occasions and events, we were friends on social media, we have one mutual friend but we've never had a conversation. Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 He's creepy. If you see him in public just ignore him. Maybe get to know someone better before going on a date. ;) Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 He's weird as and you're not ghosting. Ghosting is more if you've talked with him a lot and spent quite a lot of time with him. Then u disappear. This is just being smart and not believing BS. Lol I rolled my eyes at what he said to you. Link to comment
Lambert Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 I agree with everyone else. From what you said, he sounds creepy. And you don't owe him anything. People that come on too strong, like that, they only see their own perspective. I wonder like who are their friends? lol. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 He behaved appropriately, given you had just met him/ He crossed physical boundaries with you by pulling your arm and touching your hair/ Had he not blown up your phone and then scolded you for `behaving this way' my guess is you would have respectfully given him a `thank you for the nice time but I don't think we are match' comment. Why didn't you? Because he was creepy, over the top and inappropriate. My experience is guys like this don't handle the word no very well anyway. You can still tell him no, but personally, this guy would cause me to feel unsafe. I don't blame you for not answering. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 He's weird as and you're not ghosting. Ghosting is more if you've talked with him a lot and spent quite a lot of time with him. Then u disappear. This is just being smart and not believing BS. Lol I rolled my eyes at what he said to you. Yes. I agree completely. Do not interact with this person anymore. He basically assaulted you or at least harassed you. not normal. Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 And carry pepper spray on your next date. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Then politely tell him "we're not a match", then delete and block him from all messaging apps and social media. Since you have people in common, you need to be clear. Word will get around that you're a flake or rude. It sounds like he was a bit too forward but stop making him out to be some sort of would-be rapist. You need to act mature when you start dating. If you don't like a guy do not let them pay your way or for your food and cut things short. Go for coffee next time. I agree with you , there is a lot of drama going on here cos the guy was a bit OTT ...and he text you 20 mins after the date , so what ...loads of people have dates then send a little cutie * it was nice to meet you * ...type of thing .... you don't like him so that is now a big deal ! He didn't drag you down an alley , or turn up at your work ....he obviously fancied the hell out of you , or is just desperate or just too familiar too soon ...but no need for all this drama on this thread good grief . Remember what you did when you next get ghosted !!! Link to comment
Peace of mind Posted December 30, 2019 Author Share Posted December 30, 2019 Just to clarify it for Wiseman and Pippy, I’am not calling this guy a rapist nor a sex offender. I went at the date on my own and he didn’t pay for my food cause yes we went for coffee and I insisted on paying. I don’t think you have to be dragged down the alley just to understand that some actions are not right and I guess everyone has their own boundaries and standards for personal space. And the intention of this thread was more about my action than his. Thanks Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Just to clarify it for Wiseman and Pippy, I’am not calling this guy a rapist nor a sex offender. I went at the date on my own and he didn’t pay for my food cause yes we went for coffee and I insisted on paying. I don’t think you have to be dragged down the alley just to understand that some actions are not right and I guess everyone has their own boundaries and standards for personal space. And the intention of this thread was more about my action than his. Thanks NO I know you're not but I have never seen anyone so damned on a thread for not very much ..... you both have different ways of ending a date ! For many he was a bit OTT ...but it doesn't make him a bad person or a monster ... Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 NO I know you're not but I have never seen anyone so damned on a thread for not very much ..... you both have different ways of ending a date ! For many he was a bit OTT ...but it doesn't make him a bad person or a monster ... But I think his 'anger' at her not responding to him is a huge red flag and kind of creepy. He had nothing invested in her and it shouldn't have mattered to him that she didn't text back. A non creepy person would have just said, 'oh well.' Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 But I think his 'anger' at her not responding to him is a huge red flag and kind of creepy. He had nothing invested in her and it shouldn't have mattered to him that she didn't text back. A non creepy person would have just said, 'oh well.' So you think this was him being angry Later that day, after midnight he sent me a text telling me how shocked he was, and how he didn't consider that a person like me, looking so sweet and positive on the surface could behave in such a way". I would hardly call that anger ..he is saying he was shocked , they obviously got on and he thought she liked him so he is shocked she has gone from an ok date to ignoring him ...remember he has no idea why ..how does that make him creepy when there is a post a day on here of people asking how come they have been ignored after a date that went ok ...so yeah it does matter ..it is ok for the rest of this forum to feel upset about things like that but he is now creepy and shouldn't have cared . !!!! You know fine well no one comes on here saying * oh well * ! It can't be one thing on here for one person and another for someone else . Link to comment
SarahLancaster Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 He's accusing her of bad behavior. After only one date, to me, that would be unacceptable. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 I agree with Pippy, he acted like a man who really liked you, not angry, not creepy. You only view it that way, OP, because you did not share the same feelings. Fair enough. But you need to be honest with him now, send a nice message thanking him for asking you out, but letting him know that the chemistry was not there for you and wish him well. That's the most respectful thing to do. And then leave it. If he messages further, then you have a reason to not reply. But don't go all silent treatment, That's immature. Finish what you started, end things nicely and move on with your life. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 He's accusing her of bad behavior. After only one date, to me, that would be unacceptable Chill out, please, Sarah. The man has hurt feelings due to realizing she does not like him back. He's human after all. Just tell him nicely it's not going to work out, OP. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 He's accusing her of bad behavior. After only one date, to me, that would be unacceptable. where is that bit then ? He is telling her he is shocked ...honest sarah you can go on all night ..I still wont agree because I am responding to the words the op wrote ! Once again ... how many people come on here in a state with themselves because they had a date that they thought was ok then they get ignored ...and now suddenly he is a bad guy and is accusing her of bad behaviour ..think we are reading different posts ... Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Chill out, please, Sarah. The man has hurt feelings due to realizing she does not like him back. He's human after all. Just tell him nicely it's not going to work out, OP. ^^^ that post covers it all for me . Done ..the end .. time to watch 90 day fiance ..now there is a thread we could get into lol Link to comment
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