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I guess I'm just venting but lately I've been taken comfort in the thought that when things are really bad I always have suicide as an option and it makes me feel better. I think I'm just so intensely lonely and every guy I'm interested in never likes me back. I'm 33 and have nothing to show for my life, the only person who believes in me is my mum and aunty. My mum always has said life will be harder for me because im different, but its so hard i feel like im fighting a losing battle.

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If you’re taking comfort that’s good, even if the way you are comforting yourself may sound strange to some.

 

Sorry you feel like there is some circumstance missing that will justify your life. When I feel like I’m supposed to be “further along” or have more than I do it’s usually a case of judging my insides by other people’s outsides...which never fails to make me feel like ish.

 

My mom passed away in 2013 but she was my best friend. Upon hearing that she died, my most trusted mentor told me “Now you will have to mother yourself.” I was FURIOUS, it felt like such an inconsiderate thing to say in that moment. But today I see that he meant I would need to now be the one to fulfill the believing in myself function NO MATTER WHAT. I learned to cultivate the same unconditional love for myself that I had always depended on my mother for...and it’s been an amazing blessing.

 

Best wishes for a clean slate in 2020 and a peaceful, prosperous and joyful New Year!

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If you’re taking comfort that’s good, even if the way you are comforting yourself may sound strange to some.

 

Sorry you feel like there is some circumstance missing that will justify your life. When I feel like I’m supposed to be “further along” or have more than I do it’s usually a case of judging my insides by other people’s outsides...which never fails to make me feel like ish.

 

My mom passed away in 2013 but she was my best friend. Upon hearing that she died, my most trusted mentor told me “Now you will have to mother yourself.” I was FURIOUS, it felt like such an inconsiderate thing to say in that moment. But today I see that he meant I would need to now be the one to fulfill the believing in myself function NO MATTER WHAT. I learned to cultivate the same unconditional love for myself that I had always depended on my mother for...and it’s been an amazing blessing.

 

Best wishes for a clean slate in 2020 and a peaceful, prosperous and joyful New Year!

 

Thank you for your reply. Im sorry that your mum passed away, i dont know how i would survive wothout my mum, shes trying so hard to make me believe in myself, and sometimes i do in other areas except for romantically, which is the thing i want most but just cant get. I hope 2020 is a clean slate. Thank you again.

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I'm sorry for your tremendous loss, Boo1986.

 

Even though it's hard to see this now, it will get better for you. Granted, the pain will never go away; it's just the tears will be less.

 

I remember losing my father the day after Thanksgiving. You need to let time heal your old wounds someday.

 

I hope you will busy yourself by surrounding yourself with good, solid, moral people and have healthy distractions. I did all that which helped transition to a happier life.

 

Wishing you health and happiness in 2020!

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Sorry but do you mind if I ask in what way you're "different"? Maybe the guy thing you can't exactly control, but the making something of yourself part you can. Do you have any work experience and/or qualifications? What are your interests and passions? Why don't you get a job or do some volunteering?

 

Regarding finding a guy, I don't actually believe that it's not possible for some people to find someone. But it's true that sometimes some people may be out of some people's league. I work with people with disabilities and one of my clients was in a wheelchair and had intellectual disability. She has been married to her husband for fifteen years who also has intellectual disability. I'm not saying you need to date people with intellectual disabilities but if you're "different", can you maybe approach guys who also might be different? Like maybe they're too short, etc.? I think everyone can find someone but you need to look for people within your own league.

 

I know feeling depressed and in despair might make you think of suicide, but I really think it's not the answer. I used to feel suicidal as a teenager but my best friend killed himself and I realised how horrific it was. It caused such a trauma to all your loved ones. Imagine what it would do to your Mum!

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Sorry but do you mind if I ask in what way you're "different"? Maybe the guy thing you can't exactly control, but the making something of yourself part you can. Do you have any work experience and/or qualifications? What are your interests and passions? Why don't you get a job or do some volunteering?

 

Regarding finding a guy, I don't actually believe that it's not possible for some people to find someone. But it's true that sometimes some people may be out of some people's league. I work with people with disabilities and one of my clients was in a wheelchair and had intellectual disability. She has been married to her husband for fifteen years who also has intellectual disability. I'm not saying you need to date people with intellectual disabilities but if you're "different", can you maybe approach guys who also might be different? Like maybe they're too short, etc.? I think everyone can find someone but you need to look for people within your own league.

 

I know feeling depressed and in despair might make you think of suicide, but I really think it's not the answer. I used to feel suicidal as a teenager but my best friend killed himself and I realised how horrific it was. It caused such a trauma to all your loved ones. Imagine what it would do to your Mum!

 

Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd and am more introverted and just weird you could say. I do work in healthcare and have worked since I was 16, im 33 now, but cant say that works stops me from feeling lonely. I do go for guys in my league, but i also have to find something appealing about them or id rather be on my own.

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Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd and am more introverted and just weird you could say. I do work in healthcare and have worked since I was 16, im 33 now, but cant say that works stops me from feeling lonely. I do go for guys in my league, but i also have to find something appealing about them or id rather be on my own.

 

So if you don't find yourself appealing how can you expect others to? I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I'm not a professional but I do know that suicidal thoughts means it's a good idea to seek help ASAP. i hope you do.

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So if you don't find yourself appealing how can you expect others to? I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I'm not a professional but I do know that suicidal thoughts means it's a good idea to seek help ASAP. i hope you do.
i guess I just hope to find someone else a bit weird that likes my weirdness. Thanks I am seeing my counsellor early next year, although whenever I express my concerns about being alone she says she can 100% guarntee i won't end up alone - no one can gaurantee anything so I dont find it that helpful.
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So stop guaranteeing yourself that you won’t or can’t meet someone. Make a decision to be open and confident about finding someone to love.

 

When self defeating thoughts arise just be aware of them. No need to do anything other than NOTICE that your brain is being a blocker. Paying attention to your own thoughts after you decide to be open to something is a powerful exercise and agent of change (in my life anyway.)

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Have you seen a doctor for a thorough workup? You need a complete evaluation neurologically and for metabolic issues as well as appropriate ongoing therapy. Catfishing online dating sites for company is not the answer. You get asked out but then jerk them around because you refuse to meet. Stop letting your mother tell you "you're different". Everyone is different. You need to become much more independent from your mother. Most of all help yourself, get to a doctor.

Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd and am more introverted and just weird you could say.
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Are you me?!! 33 in Jan, in the longest dry streak of striking out with guys I’m interested in and yep, same as you, yeah there have been a couple that fell for me but I felt no spark. No spark, definitely no point.

 

After failing to ditch a particularly toxic lukewarm guy like the bag of awful that he is I came to think maybe my high strike out rate could be a bit on me, maybe I’m not letting go of the Luke warm boys who don’t want me because deep down I am not ready to be vulnerable yet. Then I skipped my home state work work for half a year, surely after this reset I’m ready. So actively looking again. And yep, so far still striking out. But working on being outcome independent and treating those polite or impolite nos as the useful information that they are (cue to next this one). If you’re remotely close to this situation you might find the book ‘he’s scared, she’s scared’ to be a good read.

 

If it’s no avoidance on your part and you are just indeed terrifyingly awesome, then I absolutely feel you. I once had a woman in a bar tell me ‘you dance to the beat of her own drum’. Meant as a compliment. I was already acutely aware of that, and in a friend drought as well at that point, my internal thoughts were something like ‘I know, it’s crushingly lonely though’

 

Assess yourself, some things you might want to change (like hypothetically if you were scaring people off by being unrelentingly negative, or they could never get close to you because your introversion leaves you closed up like a clam shell). Maybe some things are worth trying to level up in. Some other things (like for myself how I style my hair and body) I’m not willing to change, I hold out hope of meeting prospective romantic partners who actually cherish these parts of me. But I suspect they will be few and far between.

 

Be true to yourself, keep looking, but it’s a low stakes long running task (captain awkward has some excellent posts on expanding your social network) I hope you find some of your people sooner rather than later, they’re out there somewhere. *fistbump*

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There are plenty of matches for you....the problem is, they are too afraid to put themselves out there to be found, you know what I mean? No introvert weird guy is going to seek out and approach women. So that's the losing battle right there. Everyone hates OLD but for you it just may work. You are going to have to look carefully for those introvert guys yourself, and message them. Hobbies are another way to find introverts...what do they do? Geek out on gaming, comic books, maybe art or collecting, board games, you know things that keeps them at home.

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Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd and am more introverted and just weird you could say. I do work in healthcare and have worked since I was 16, im 33 now, but cant say that works stops me from feeling lonely. I do go for guys in my league, but i also have to find something appealing about them or id rather be on my own.

 

So, you don't fit in with the normal crowd, are more introverted and weird. How so? What do you think makes you weird? The answers might help us understand you better.

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Im different because I dont fit in with the normal crowd....

Define 'normal'...What is 'normal'..? What we see on TV or in magazines...? Hmm, dunno....

 

If you knew me you would definitely not say I was 'normal'....Yet here I am :)

 

I'm unique, like everybody else....*

 

I attempted suicide numerous times throughout 2018....It's not as easy as you think and it's certainly not quick and painless like Hollywood would have you believe...Only 1 in 20 attempts actually succeeds so you could end up worse than you are now...Like my father. He will be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life now.

 

Hang in there Boo....The world will need people like you*

 

Carus*

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So, you don't fit in with the normal crowd, are more introverted and weird. How so? What do you think makes you weird? The answers might help us understand you better.

 

I dont know exactly what i do that makes me different. I guess im very shy but force myself to make friends and talk to people, i say stupid things alot that sometimes people are ok with but makes other people awkward, i also blush alot.

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Define 'normal'...What is 'normal'..? What we see on TV or in magazines...? Hmm, dunno....

 

If you knew me you would definitely not say I was 'normal'....Yet here I am :)

 

I'm unique, like everybody else....*

 

I attempted suicide numerous times throughout 2018....It's not as easy as you think and it's certainly not quick and painless like Hollywood would have you believe...Only 1 in 20 attempts actually succeeds so you could end up worse than you are now...Like my father. He will be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life now.

 

Hang in there Boo....The world will need people like you*

 

Carus*

 

Im sorry to hear about your past attempts and also your father, i never considered the alternative, thanks also for the positive words, i guess i juat have to try find where i belong and things will get better

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I dont know exactly what i do that makes me different. I guess im very shy but force myself to make friends and talk to people, i say stupid things alot that sometimes people are ok with but makes other people awkward, i also blush alot.

 

Why do you choose to say stupid things? My son is going through some angst about that -he is 10. We talk about thinking before you speak, etc. He means well, can be shy, also wants to be part of the group, so he says things that honestly to me don't sound awful at all -just typical kid stuff, not mean in the least -but he worries about offending someone. So he comes up with strategies to do better next time. Can you do the same?

 

What precisely are you going to do to find where you belong -what specific actions do you plan to take?

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I dont know exactly what i do that makes me different. I guess im very shy but force myself to make friends and talk to people, i say stupid things alot that sometimes people are ok with but makes other people awkward, i also blush alot.

 

I see. What do you consider "stupid things"? Any examples you could give? I'm asking because what you consider "normal" or "stupid" someone else might not and vice versa.

 

Is that why you see yourself as weird?

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I dont know exactly what i do that makes me different. I guess im very shy but force myself to make friends and talk to people, i say stupid things alot that sometimes people are ok with but makes other people awkward, i also blush alot

 

It's a matter of self confidence..that's all.

 

None of us are born into this world knowing how to be confident and many of us have had experiences that created lower self esteem and lower self confidence.

The silver lining is, you can heal, you can relearn self confidence and you can become a stronger person...if you choose to be.

 

I have been you. I know what it feels like. I know how bad it can feel. You don't need to stay this way for the rest of your life.

We as humans are always evolving, changing and growing.

You can become more confident and less shy.

These are skills that can be taught and practiced until you become better at them.

 

If you're too shy to go see a therapist (at least for now) get a book that is about self confidence and read about how to become more self confident.

Do your best in practicing on how to be more confident. Put yourself out there more (but be smart about it and cautious about it).

Don't add alcohol into it!

Alcohol is not confidence, it is dangerous and destructive.

Learn the difference between being confident and being reckless and careless. They are two vastly different things.

Consider volunteering at a hospital or a soup kitchen, etc. Help those out there that are struggling too. The one thing that gives a person purpose, is to help.

To make a difference. It will help you gain more confidence too.

 

YOU MATTER, BOO.

Be more gentle with yourself. Learn how to self love, be your own best friend. It might sound lame, but it's absolutely true.

Take care of yourself better, self talk better and stop hating so much.

You are here in this world for a reason. It may not always be obvious right away, but you are here because you are meant to be.

 

Small changes like this can make huge changes. But you must take the first few steps towards being more healthy and giving yourself a chance.

And I really hope that you do, because you're worth it.

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I just wanted to add, there are people out there who don't fit the stereotype of "normal" and are incredibly awesome individuals who have such a great heart. "Normal" doesn't mean much.

 

Honestly, as others have stated you're worth it and you're courageous, too! I'm not just blowing smoke here. Asking for help and being vulnerable in an online forum takes courage.

 

:-)

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i guess I just hope to find someone else a bit weird that likes my weirdness. Thanks I am seeing my counsellor early next year, although whenever I express my concerns about being alone she says she can 100% guarntee i won't end up alone - no one can gaurantee anything so I dont find it that helpful.

 

OK - in what way are you 'wierd'?

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