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I have obsessive thoughts. I can't stop thinking about him with her. How he chose her over me. 9 years and a child.

He was texting her all along...just trying to find a way out. And he found it... by blaming me for infidelity.

Everything just keeps adding up. Things I should have noticed and just didn't. Now it just keeps flooding. I want to stop the obsessive thinking... and I yell "stop" but they just keep invading my every thought.

I have an appointment with a Doctor to seek therapy. I feel like I'm never going to get over this. I HAVE to.... I have a 4 year old to take care of. I know my little guy is hurting too... I need support... but I AM the support for him. His dad didn't even called and wish him a Merry Christmas.

I know time heals.... and I don't want to wish my life away.... but I can not wait to wake up with peace.

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Sorry to hear this. He is an abusive alcoholic. You need to take him to court on behalf of your child. You are very lucky he finally left and you are free to have a happy life with your child away from this monster. Excellent you are getting help and support.

 

My advice remains the same: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562975&p=7187308&viewfull=1#post7187308

I have an appointment with a Doctor to seek therapy. I feel like I'm never going to get over this. I have a 4 year old to take care of. I know my little guy is hurting too.

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There is a man named Alan Robarge on YouTube. He is a psychotherapist that specializes in attachment wounds. One of his videos deals specifically with obsessive thoughts but I found comfort in nearly all of his videos. Maybe look him up and just watch. It's tremendously helpful to have someone validate what youre going through, particularly when you feel like youre going insane.

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I'd recognize your emotions (helplessness and despair) and change the thought patterns related to or that exacerbate those emotions or make those emotions worse. Letting go is very hard but it's a skill and an art you can learn to do over time with a lot of things/events/experiences that happen in life. Your ex might have left and it appears he's choosing someone else over you but you might also realize that being on your own affords you the ability to grow and no longer be surrounded by negative space or a dwindling relationship.

 

Him leaving the picture gives you room to fill your life up with new things, new experiences and new life.

 

Think of how many more years (insincere years or months) you might have lived in a relationship with this man if what happened didn't happen. Work through all that anger and despair but I think you'll have to come up for air some time. When you do, you might be ready to accept that this is what's happened and nothing in the world could have changed it if it was already something someone else wanted to do.

 

There is a man named Alan Robarge on YouTube. He is a psychotherapist that specializes in attachment wounds. One of his videos deals specifically with obsessive thoughts but I found comfort in nearly all of his videos. Maybe look him up and just watch. It's tremendously helpful to have someone validate what youre going through, particularly when you feel like youre going insane.

 

He seems like a down to earth guy and has the training in counselling psychology.

 

http://www.epgn.com/arts-and-culture/portraits/2393-8034606-professional-portraits-alan-robarge

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It's hard to stop thinking about whatever you suggest to yourself to think about. I can demonstrate.

Whatever you do right now, do NOT think about an elephant standing in a feild.

Do NOT think about the automatic process of breathing.

Do not think about how dry your eyes feel.

Etc.

What you need to do for yourself and your sanity is retrain your brain. This is a temporary fix, because you do need counseling, and the guidance of a professional.

When I had a similar situation years ago, I was fixated on the event too. I wrote down a couple of reasons to have hope.Like, my kids will able to soar because I am able to provide for them. I will make good choices because I know, and I know that I know.

When my brain wanted to remind me about what happened, I would read it again, I would recite it like a mantra.

But it did help me through it, along with counseling, and it gave me hope. I can sympathize with what you are going through, you will be fine. You have the strength and the character to pull through and you will.

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