blugurrl Posted December 26, 2019 Share Posted December 26, 2019 I have a 2 part problem I desperately need help- Part 1-My boyfriend of 5 years ( 52 yrs old) decided to go back East for Christmas, even though we had made plans together, but didn't tell me until Christmas Eve after 6PM -when he was supposed to be over- that he had left, landed and was driving to his Mom's. I had made a big dinner of his favorites decorated, lots of presents the works so we would have a lovely Christmas together. He said that his Uncle ( Dad's brother, he later told me he hardly knew) died and he had to leave fast and thought about calling me but didn't because he had so many things to do before he left and was scrambling. He knew about this on Sunday night and left on Tuesday. I have been livid and distraught. I understand an emergency, but he knew we had plans and I am alone, and feel he should have let me know as soon as he knew he was leaving so I wouldn't expect him. This is not the first time he has told me something "after the fact" and last year he said he was leaving town for the holidays but actually stayed and didn't tell me. I was shocked and upset. He said he didn't think about telling me when his plans fell through, which was unacceptable. We had it out and he said he would be more mindful. Nope. When I freaked out this time he didn't seem to think it was warranted , because it was an "emergency" but it isn't about that, it is about letting me know what is going on that affects me, being considerate. I totally had a meltdown and let him know how devastated I was. I have had several deaths in the past couple years so he knows how important the holidays are to me. I think he purposely waited until he was already out of state to let me know Part 2- I looked up the Uncle's obituary and he had passed on the 15th and the service is on the 28th. Not an emergency. In the obit it says he was "preceded in death by his brother", which is my boyfriend's father, who I believed was still alive. I found his obit and he had died over a year ago. My BF had been paying for his care and I had been helping him source care etc. We regularly talk about his Dad's situation, in fact I had just asked how he was and he told me " no change, he is the same" My BF is not in denial his Dad is dead. He is lying. I checked the dates of his passing and I was with him the day after and said nothing or acted differently. How could he not tell me???? Yesterday, we talked on Christmas I don't want to bring this up on the phone, I want to do it face to face. He started telling me he was going to visit his Dad and I played dumb and asked him a couple questions about how he was doing etc and he just made up this story smooth as glass. Again he isn't in denial, he is hiding something, like maybe he didn't want me to go to the funeral, I don't know if his family knows about me and he has a complicated past with an Ex.(another story) and he might have taken her. I need to take care of this. I am a mess, heartbroken and feel foolish. I am shocked at how easy the lies are for him. He has always been "private" and I give him his space, but now I think private is secretive and there is a lot more going on than I know. I really do love this man and breaking up with someone isn't so easy as people tell you. I am going to confront him when he gets back, he doesn't know when that is but I am sure he will make sure it is after New Years eve. I am falling apart, sorry this is so long. Please any insight. Link to comment
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