Jenobyl Posted December 26, 2019 Share Posted December 26, 2019 Hi everyone, I know it was only a short relationship, just over 2 months long. But we spent a lot of time together and talked everyday in that entire time, from our first date December 29th, decided to be exclusive October 6th and broke up December 11th. I fell hard for him and it always seemed mutual until the last week. All of a sudden he wasn't really talking to me. Then I asked him if everything was ok between us and he said he didn't think things were working out. His had mentioned earlier he felt guilty for being gone all the time (he is an airline pilot and military reserves so he works a lot and is gone a lot). He said he is an independent person and when he is away at work he is always around people and never had alone time and he needed to be able to have time alone when he needed while at home. He also mentioned he also gets deployed and is gone for a year and can't talk for weeks at a time and when he can talk it is a one sided conversation. And htat he is bad with his emotions. He let me cry on the phone to him until I could hang up. We both said we would miss eachother, I said I love you and he is an amazing person and he said same and your amazing too. He started to choke up. He also said that we can remain friends and that we can still go climbing together and will see eachother at the gym. I said ok I just needed a little time. He texted me after we hung up apologizing again saying he thinks this is best for the both of us and that I am strong. That he hopes I get everything I want. We talked some more I said I thought he was happy. He said he was happy until this last time home. I asked what happened and he said he doesn't know he can't explain it, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship where he is unhappy and being gone all the time makes it so. We stopped talking after that. I did send one more text the next morning about how I was hurting and just wanted to talk to him but I know I can't rely on him and to not respond, which he didn't. Then no contact until yesterday. His birthday is the same day as Christmas and so I just said "Hey, wanted to wish you a happy birthday. (and secondarily a merry Christmas). Him: Thanks. Merry Christmas to you. Me: Do you get to fly today or stuck in an airport? Him: I'm flying until midnight Me: Awesome! Have a great day. And that was it I never once begged for him to say. I just said I know there is nothing I can say to change your mind. I know I can't change his mind. I obviously want him to be happy. I just wish he had talked to me beforehand and tried to figure something out. Obviously I am back to no contact but I hate it so much. I feel like I haven't fought at all for the relationship but also feel like I can't say anything anyways so why try. I am trying to keep myself busy and do the things I love (i have a ton of hobbies), I have tried to just wallow, I talk to my friends, I journal, reading self help books to try and improve myself since I know I wasn't perfect and I suck at communication as well. I know I should have asked him his needs and expectations for how much we should see eachother but I kept putting it off. I also suffer from anxiety and depression, so I keep getting it in my head he hates me. All I want to do is send him a message along the lines of "I am sorry if I did something to make you hate me. I only ever wanted to make you happy and I am sorry I couldn't do that. I never needed to see you everyday you were home. I wish you had talked to me about your needs, instead you just stopped talking to me and decided you were unhappy and couldn't be with me. All I needed was to know if I would see you or not, and if not then I could have gone and done my own thing. I have been holding this in because I know nothing I say can change things no matter how much I wish you would still just talk to me and try to make things work. And I know I am not blameless in all this, I sucked at communication as well. Just know I am here if you want to make things work, or ever want to just be friends. And you don't need to say anything. I am way to emotionally fragile to take any more rejection" I am obviously not going to send it. I know that if he wanted to be with me he would have made things work. I have had guys breakup with me before, but it has never hurt like this before. He was an amazing boyfriend and aside from that last week (even during that last week he was amazing too), he only treated me with kindness. I don't know what I am trying to get out of saying all this. I know to just not contact him, let myself heel and whatever will be will be in my life. I am also trying to find a therapist. I just hoping someone can relate. I am just sick of hearing it just takes time, with depression its like ya but I am going to feel this depressive episode for months, then be fine again for a few months and then be back in a depressive episode, it is a cycle for me. He isn't an and refuse to believe he is, people are allowed to break up with anyone especially when they are unhappy, and ya he could have talked about it beforehand but a lot of people have emotional issues and find it hard so I don't blame him for that either. I think I just needed to get this all out again. Part of me feels like he does love me/care about me a lot but felt he couldn't meet my needs so had to let me go so I could find someone to make me happy. And another side believes he hates me. But no matter what he wont come back I know. I just wish there was something I could do to make things work. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.