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Hmm. He spent a MONTH doing all these hints/jokes/mentions of marriage, etc


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Some examples, and no they weren't all said in 1 day

 

Jokingly saying he put money aside for wedding [don't really think he did?]

Oh we should get married and come back and tell everyone!

Talking about what the wedding would be like.

Jokingly saying "we should just get married"

Drove past a ring place and he was like "oh I need to go there to get your ring!"

Joked saying I don't know what hes getting me for Christmas and it'll be a real knee jerker, and joked about getting down on his knee.

Brought up noticing a wedding dress place.

Joked about proposing for Christmas and that's what I get for Christmas.

 

….THEN TWO DAYS before Christmas made a joke about this place that says plaques and said Oh you get best girlfriend, best fiancé award. A WEEK before Christmas he asked my ring size. Why wouldn't I think he was going to do it??

 

Soo of course I expected a proposal today and nope. that's my own fault, but is it? He keeps hinting all this and making comments and I cant lie but feel disappointed. Yes, I know talking about it on the internet isn't the way to go but right now im not ready to talk to him about it.

 

So am I overreacting? How to handle this?

 

Yes we've been together 2 years, have a kid together, and yes we've discussed marriage before.

 

I feel like he built me up...and then nothing.I'm not the one who continually joked about it. Judge if you must, but i'm slightly upset..

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I mean, are you actually in Texas? Because it's only like 1:30pm right now. Not saying you should expect anything, but even if you wanted to be upset, it seems a bit premature. Even if he doesn't propose, it's a decent enough chance he may have underestimated the time involved between placing an order on a ring and it being ready if he was just asking your ring size a week ago and planning to pop the question today.

 

At the end of the day, you two have a kid together. You haven't written about any other misgivings in your relationship. Very worst case, I'd let Christmas be Christmas and just enjoy your time as family. If you were together 5+ years and he'd been dragging his feet on getting hitched to the mother of his child, I might feel different. And should he still be dropping empty hints at that point, you should as well. But at face value, really doesn't seem to be the case here.

 

Or propose to him yourself if not having control over it is getting to you so bad.

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I mean, are you actually in Texas? Because it's only like 1:30pm right now. Not saying you should expect anything, but even if you wanted to be upset, it seems a bit premature. Even if he doesn't propose, it's a decent enough chance he may have underestimated the time involved between placing an order on a ring and it being ready if he was just asking your ring size a week ago and planning to pop the question today.

 

At the end of the day, you two have a kid together. You haven't written about any other misgivings in your relationship. Very worst case, I'd let Christmas be Christmas and just enjoy your time as family. If you were together 5+ years and he'd been dragging his feet on getting hitched to the mother of his child, I might feel different. And should he still be dropping empty hints at that point, you should as well. But at face value, really doesn't seem to be the case here.

 

Or propose to him yourself if not having control over it is getting to you so bad.

 

Thanks. This is a fair response.

 

I guess you are right. I will just try to relax, and not let it bug me! I know the day isn't over lol but there's no way its happening [cant explain how I know] just that intuition. Its kinda a lazy, slow day.

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Am I the only one who thinks this guy is not serious about marrying this woman?
Don't know. Kid or no, two years together isn't a whole lot of time to credibly put someone in the dragging it out / not serious about marriage camp. And truth be told, a lot of guys (myself included) are pretty big dunces when it comes to just how anxious or hopeful many women get about having the question popped. Being frank, I don't know why so many women do it to themselves. But a lot of guys drop hints as an assurance not knowing it results in a more prompt expectation. Again at face value, I'd say the guy's biggest crime is not keeping his mouth shut until he's got the ring in hand. Beyond that, I say wait a season and we'll know just how cheap his talk is.
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Is he ever passive/aggressive with you? Could it be that he is with all of this talk, knowing how much you want it and it's making you squirm when you don't get it? I don't know, because I don't know him. You do. Or is he planting a red herring, so that you'll really be surprised when it's a different day?

 

If you get tired of his games, tell him you don't need a surprise. That you want the both of you to pick out rings you want together, and to decide on a date together. I've never been a fan of surprises myself, and with the husband I've been married to for 8 years, that's how we handled it. My husband and I have very different tastes in jewelry. I'm glad I got to choose my own ring.

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Is he ever passive/aggressive with you? Could it be that he is with all of this talk, knowing how much you want it and it's making you squirm when you don't get it? I don't know, because I don't know him. You do. Or is he planting a red herring, so that you'll really be surprised when it's a different day?

 

If you get tired of his games, tell him you don't need a surprise. That you want the both of you to pick out rings you want together, and to decide on a date together. I've never been a fan of surprises myself, and with the husband I've been married to for 8 years, that's how we handled it. My husband and I have very different tastes in jewelry. I'm glad I got to choose my own ring.

 

Sometimes he is passive aggressive... BUT I don't ever really overly talk about marriage or wanting it so much, to be honest. I don't think I've ever pressured him or mentioned it much. Marriage is a huge deal to me, I was with someone for ten years who was emotionally abusive and I refused to marry him.

 

 

I don't really know what to make of the jokes? It doesn't really make sense to me. I thought maybe he was gauging my reaction but idk theyre so frequent. Not only jokes though the comments of "this is why we should get married, so that...blah blah" or just mentioning it. I dunno

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Perhaps he was dropping the hints so he could gauge the OPs reaction, on account it would be a bit of a downer if she said no.

 

Anyway, she hasn't come back so looks like he asked.

 

 

No, he didn't.

 

And I think he's mentioned it over 20 times now, which should be enough to gauge my reaction. He is worse than a girl trying to hint to a guy she wants to get married. SO weird.

 

Just a year ago he would not dare talk about marriage, so the over commenting on it is ODD! he can't go a week without mentioning it, yet there's no way he has a ring!

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Don't know. Kid or no, two years together isn't a whole lot of time to credibly put someone in the dragging it out / not serious about marriage camp. And truth be told, a lot of guys (myself included) are pretty big dunces when it comes to just how anxious or hopeful many women get about having the question popped. Being frank, I don't know why so many women do it to themselves. But a lot of guys drop hints as an assurance not knowing it results in a more prompt expectation. Again at face value, I'd say the guy's biggest crime is not keeping his mouth shut until he's got the ring in hand. Beyond that, I say wait a season and we'll know just how cheap his talk is.

 

Thing is -- before him dropping ALLLLL these comments etc I NEVER ever had any immediate expectations, or hopes at all. But they definitely got my hopes up, and I just feel disappointed.

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Unfortunately you are living together as a family already. Why is he making a mockery of your desire to marry? Of course he doesn't have to marry you. Act like you don't care.

 

Unfortunately you seem to be with a real jerk who likes to taunt you and laugh in your face about getting you to live with him and have kids and not get married.

 

Have you told this clown he is not being funny? What's with the carrot and stick? Is that to keep you in line while he carries on as a single guy and you're saddled with living together and a kid? If he wanted to get married it would have happened years ago.

Jokingly saying "we should just get married"

 

Joked about proposing for Christmas and that's what I get for Christmas.

 

made a joke about this place that says plaques

we've been together 2 years, have a kid together, and yes we've discussed marriage before.

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Unfortunately you are living together as a family already. Why is he making a mockery of your desire to marry? Of course he doesn't have to marry you. Act like you don't care.

 

Unfortunately you seem to be with a real jerk who likes to taunt you and laugh in your face about getting you to live with him and have kids and not get married.

 

Have you told this clown he is not being funny? What's with the carrot and stick? Is that to keep you in line while he carries on as a single guy and you're saddled with living together and a kid? If he wanted to get married it would have happened years ago.

 

no I haven't told him the hints aren't funny. I don't think he does them to taunt me.

 

he doesn't act like a single guy at all

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It seems kind of over the top to me but I’m an outsider. Has he been married or engaged before? I’m not sure about why he’s emphasizing the surprise element so much because it’s not like you seem to need that. Yes I agree engagement should come with a ring and a wedding date. So in your situation the very next time he mentions it say “so when would you want to get married ?” See if he has a time line or date in mind. If he doesn’t then I would say he’s just a lot of words no action. I’m sorry you’re frustrated. I work be as well.

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It seems kind of over the top to me but I’m an outsider. Has he been married or engaged before? I’m not sure about why he’s emphasizing the surprise element so much because it’s not like you seem to need that. Yes I agree engagement should come with a ring and a wedding date. So in your situation the very next time he mentions it say “so when would you want to get married ?” See if he has a time line or date in mind. If he doesn’t then I would say he’s just a lot of words no action. I’m sorry you’re frustrated. I work be as well.

 

No. from what he says hes never been close to marrying anyone.

 

Im going to try that. Lol. Its so odd! Maybe hes nervous, IDK.

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After years together and having a child together, you don't seem to have a comfort level of communicating with him. Instead of asking other people what he means by his comments, ask him. Instead of bottling up your frustration, tell him how this barrage of words with no results is making you feel. He's not a mind reader. You need to let a partner know when something's bothering you. If he's passive aggressive with you sometimes, what do you say about it to shut him down and make sure he stops this toxic behavior?

 

Sounds like you two could use some couples communication help by reading together books on that subject like: Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

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Something that is supposed to be special ends up feeling antagonistic.

 

To each their own, but if my boyfriend did the same, I'd ask him to stop. If at anytime he wants to propose or talk about it, then let me know.

 

But between now and then it feels as if he's toying with you. Maybe he doesn't realize how it comes across.

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They are not hints, they are jokes. Why wouldn't you have married years ago if it's what he wanted? How important is this to you if you are already living as a family? Have you called him out on it? Why not stand up for yourself and tell him marriage is not a joke for you.

 

Do you need an engagement ring? You seem focused on this as if watching too many Christmas tv ads. Why isn't your focus the real issue of the legalities of marriage and how to bring up your child? For example, legally you are nothing more than a live-in gf, not even his next of kin. Do you want that status or romance novel proposal/ring scenarios?

I haven't told him the hints aren't funny. I don't think he does them to taunt me.
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oh my godddddd we were just talking today and he was letting me know how for Christmas he was trying to find me the ring I lost!! it all makes sense now.

 

that's WHY he asked my ring size, OMG.

 

not even worth talking about it now? EH holy motherrrrrrrr fudger I feel DUMB AS HECK

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oh my godddddd we were just talking today and he was letting me know how for Christmas he was trying to find me the ring I lost!! it all makes sense now.

 

that's WHY he asked my ring size, OMG.

 

not even worth talking about it now? EH holy motherrrrrrrr fudger I feel DUMB AS HECK

 

is it just me, or can I poke some holes in this?

 

Replacing a ring you had? What does that have to do with a marriage proposal he was hinting about?

He couldn't have figured out your ring size by checking another ring or buying it and resizing it another day. . and Christmas was yesterday so we can assume he got you a different gift instead?

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Yeah he didn’t get the ring.

 

Told me it was $60 and he didn’t think it was worth it

 

:( so that’s what he must’ve been trying to get but then I’m guessing since didn’t know my size and he wasn’t sold on the ring he moved on from that idea.

 

Soooo..I mean idk how to feel now

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