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Married and no sex for 13 years.....


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Am I the only one?

 

I most likely will regret posting this but whatever. After we adopted daughter no sex for 13 years. About 3 years ago wife bought a sleep number bed. Basically we sleep in two twin XL beds separate sheets but they are connected. Like sleeping alone separate twin beds. Been married 30 years. Last 13 or 14 years no sex. Absolutely none. Daughter is 14.

 

After loosing our parents, death is not easy. The plus? With basically no touch I am connected to the wife the same as co-workers. When she dies it would be similar. If there is no intimacy (a kiss or touch) then basically I am as close to her as you on the street. Makes death much easier. Waiting....

 

So after 30 years. I am close to anorexic at 140 pounds 6ft tall (slimmer than I was in High School). Wife went from 110 to 200 pounds. I look amazing and young and she well, at 59 looks like 70. Me, I look like 45. But I am 57. Wearing Old Navy Skinny jeans and stuff. Touch of gray hair. Cycle or spin lots for exercise. Job and pressure, well, no sex is a no go. Four more years until daughter is 18. Four more years until freedom.

 

Although. Under current healthcare, I do wish for cancer. At my age? It would be a blessing. I think the last time I was at the doctor was 7 years ago? My way out is death. Never had the proverbial colonoscopy. Never had an affair. Just not me. Who will die first is the big question?

 

Most speak of sexless marriages as sex 4 times a year. Not 13 years celibate. Yes, she take anti-depressives which is the cause. But even young she hated any oral sex. We are not religious, non-church so that is not it. You can't make someone be sexual.

 

Look. My mother died and then my father. Her parents died. At my age and having seen old age and death I would rather die young while working. Retirement is over rated. Starting over at my age over rated.

 

In the end. If my wife dies before I do (she has asthma and allergies and other issues) so much the best. Sounds cruel but the pain will be less as we are not connect. How can you have intimacy and never touch? I never touch the girl at the grocery store but we have wonderful conversations? What is the difference? You will be sad when they are gone. I guess less sad than losing my parents. So what is intimacy?

 

Comments?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Agree some professional help is the best course. At this point you sound homicidal/suicidal. That usually requires a hospital admission. This is not about bjs.

If my wife dies before I do so much the best. You will be sad when they are gone.
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You sound depressed and unmotivated. If you don't like not having sex then you should do something about it instead of just accepting your lot and being depressed about it. You're not happy you're alive, you're just glad you're not dead... How sad for you.

 

If you want sex and have intimacy that your wife will not give you then you should talk to her about having an open marriage. It, IMO, is cruel and inhuman to expect someone to go without sex just because you (the general you) yourself do not want it. Celibacy should be agreed to by both parties just as monogamy or polygamy should be happening with mutual consent.

 

Wishing her to die first or your own death or terminal illness is just as immoral as the affair you say you wouldn't partake in because "its just not you."

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It must be depression because that's the only explanation for why you won't make (challenging) choices and you seem to believe that death is the only way out.

 

Statistics are at an all time high, so if countless others have decided that divorce is the best option, why haven't you considered it?

 

Do you really believe you are doing your children a favor by being miserable, waiting to die and teaching them that a loving, connected relationship is anything but that?

 

I get you are in a predicament, but what have you done to try and change it?

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Im going to piss people off, but here goes anyway.

Based on what youve written here, you are not a kind person. You speak highly of yourself, even tho you mention wanting cancer.... and you speak poorly of your wife. I wouldnt sleep with you either. Maybe you should try showing her your good side... if you were my husband, Id be turned off too. Most women want a partner that shows them love and attention and affection in a positive way. It doesnt seem like you do that at all.

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I think you might be a troll. but if you are not and this is really how you feel, you should seek therapy.

 

No one deserves a shell of an existence. It's NOT too late. You just need help. You deserve love and happiness. Posting here proves you know you want more.

 

Look up mental health services in your area. or find a regular doctor to one discuss your eating disorder abd get a referral to mental health services. Look into how your insurance works and what it covers.

 

Start today.

 

Good luck... you gotta do it for yourself and your daughter...

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