Karleec Posted December 20, 2019 Share Posted December 20, 2019 After 10 years of being with my husband, I learned a lot about him these past three days I have just a shock to me. We are 30 years old, no kids. We have what we both have expressed is a lovely life together, we have a healthy sex life, still enjoy doing so many things together and have a home that we are both very thankful for. We love each other’s company and affection. This has been communicated by both of us to each other. two nights ago, hell broke loose. He asked me if he could get a drink with a female friend, one he worked with and whom I’ve only met once. He has expressed that this girl is very pretty on multiple occasions. I was OK with him getting the drink. He said he wouldn’t be gone too long and we would watch a movie together later. He ended up being gone until one in the morning, never calling me or communicating with me. Later I found out that he had actually driven back with her to her house alone and several more lies followed until I did investigating and confronted him. I don’t think they did anything But talk, because he’s let me know his job is number one and he wouldn’t put himself in the situation of embarrassment at work. It still really hurt me that he had spent so many hours with her, they texted the next day and he has spent time for an hour or two talking with her on the phone. He says it’s all to help him decompress from work because I can’t help him in that way because I don’t know his field. In the past he has been unfaithful to me, twice. he has gone down on one woman and has felt the breasts of another. Last night he said he doesn’t understand why I was so upset about those situations. After conveying to him that these things hurt me and that I’m OK with having female friends but I’m not OK with him engaging in sexual acts that hurt me, he let me know that he thinks it’s healthy. He thinks that by getting attention from other women keeps him wanting to stay fit and attractive so that I have a fit and attractive husband. he also says that as long as I don’t know about things that I don’t get hurt and he gets his attention and fulfilament. He says “would you rather be with a fat husband?” within our big fight he also expressed that he doesn’t believe in monogamy, that he thinks it’s absolutely absurd it to be with just the same person for the rest of your life. he said he can’t imagine only touching one pair of breasts for the rest of his life. he said he thinks that there’s no way people can stay together and that he’s going to get bored. Yet at the same time he says he really loves me and he really loves our life and isnt bored. when I asked him if he could please be honest with me and not cross the boundary line he thinks that the boundary line should be penetration. He thinks that things like making out or touching other women are OK because it enhances his self-esteem. He said that he would “try“. I talked to him about the idea Of having these needs met by going to a strip club or doing things with another woman in which I Am also there and I agree to. We have done that before and it’s been great because I have given permission that I’m OK with him touching of the other female as long as I’m there. But he thinks that’s not enough. He doesn’t want it to have to be a stripper I think he wants it to be an actual female that converses with him and pays him attention. I think he has some mental health issues needing to be addressed. He agreed that he isn’t the norm and is an . I told him I don’t think I can be with someone like him anymore and he has challenged me to leave. He says I won’t do it. He says I don’t have enough self worth to leave him. He is right, I’m scared. I love my life (so I thought before all this came out) and I’ve been with him for 10 years... this is devastating to me. Please help Link to comment
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