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The Ruminant’s Almanac


hidden_kitten
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1 hour ago, dias said:

Where? In the UK or elsewhere? What's on your mind?

UK or Ireland most likely...although if Brexit stuff settles may consider further afield.

Limited myself to this part of Scotland for years, and assumed with my ex it was going to be for the long haul. Now not being linked to anyone feel I should take the leap that I’ve always been scared about. The major draws are London, Manchester or Dublin. Unfortunately most of them are ridiculously expensive but I’ve built up a fair nest egg. I don’t have to make this decision right now. But I’m not happy in the borders, and as much as Edinburgh will always feel like home it doesn’t seem to be offering much right now.

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It really depends what you are looking for. Dublin and London are expensive indeed. Maybe Dublin is worse than London, I've heard crazy stuff about how expensive it is. 

Manchester is a nice city, quite affordable. You will find a job fairly easily, no need to spend from your savings. 

Good luck whatever your decision. 

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Having been on furlough for most of the previous year I've not had to do much working from home/webcam calls. First time dealing with Teams today, usual tech issues happened! But the particular project concerned is very rewarding and hope we can get it off the ground. All the personalities involved are lovely and very supportive which helps but I'm nervous how much time I'll have to invest. Will just have to get stuck in.

I've deleted and reinstalled dating apps about 3 times trying not to get distracted haha. I do like the attention but find myself pining for interaction when the conversation dies down...but I know I'm not in any place to start a real relationship right now and the guys have been upfront about that too.

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  • 4 weeks later...

It would be nice to get laid sometime soon…but no leads from any of the apps. I must be doing it wrong…no one is asking to meet up and when it’s me doing the asking I get ghosted. There’s a two fold win if I start up birth control again:

1) more protection if anyone does follow through

2) libido is dulled if they don’t and I stop going crazy 😵💫

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6 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

It would be nice to get laid sometime soon…

Aww, what a shame we don't live close. 😎 hard times reveal true friends 😎

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Knew I could rely on you Dias! 😁

Last day off before back at work until the weekend. I’m sick of living here. On paper it’s idyllic: countryside, family, big house but just constantly feel that I’m on someone else’s schedule and none of it is really ‘mine’.

I need to decide where to move to. The scary thing is it may mean leaving this job sooner than I thought…and worried about the reaction from the boss. But it’s just a job, they can’t have this hold over me. I’m also putting off taking responsibility for myself and going somewhere completely alone.

Writing up a list of pros and cons.

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2 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

Knew I could rely on you Dias! 😁

Last day off before back at work until the weekend. I’m sick of living here. On paper it’s idyllic: countryside, family, big house but just constantly feel that I’m on someone else’s schedule and none of it is really ‘mine’.

I need to decide where to move to. The scary thing is it may mean leaving this job sooner than I thought…and worried about the reaction from the boss. But it’s just a job, they can’t have this hold over me. I’m also putting off taking responsibility for myself and going somewhere completely alone.

Writing up a list of pros and cons.

Do not overthink it. Do not make a list, the list will verify that it's not worth it. If you have it all on paper, nothing is worth it, why would you leave your nice comfort zone if you have it "all"? 

You need to see it through the lens of adventure. It's not about weighing up pros and cons, it does not work like that. This way of thinking will hold you back forever. I honestly believe the cost revenue ratio approach is abysmal when it comes to major life decisions.  

If you take the leap, do it because you want a bit of adventure in your life, because you want to improve yourself, because you want to become a stronger person, because you want to learn to be responsible for the outcome 100%, because you want to be the driver in your life, because you want to learn to believe in yourself and be at peace with yourself.

I keep in touch with the gal that organized the meet-up group I used to attend in London. She used to live with her parents (she was 33 at the time I think) until 1 year ago. I don't know if I played a role in her decision (I always motivate people, hopefully I motivated her a bit*) but she moved from her parents' nice house in Sussex to Oxford without knowing anyone. She rented a room, nothing fancy, but this change was enough to stimulate a career change. She found an entry level HR job in Oxford, she passed the first two exams for the HR certificate and she keeps studying to pass the rest of the exams. She struggled with motivation in the past but she is realizing now she can do it, the first steps are the difficult ones. She started organizing meet-ups in Oxford last week as well. She told me she is happy in Oxford and she did the right thing moving there.

What I am trying to say is, do not focus on pros and cons of external parameters, focus on you. Inside-out thinking is the key, not the other way around. 

Stepping outside of the comfort zone can only end up in 2 scenarios:

1)Timid people go back to their comfort zone as soon as possible and continue complaining for the rest of their lives

2)Bold people step outside of their comfort zone until they adjust to the new circumstances. Then they step outside of their new comfort zone. And they keep repeating the same process. It’s not easy and you don’t see the results in a few weeks, it would probably take 1 or 2+ years. It takes many years to build a strong character.

Besides, it is not like you will be thrown in a middle of a war zone lol. The only thing you can lose is a bit of comfort. The moment you manage not to fear the loss of comfort is the moment you realize you are actually "free" and the only person who held you back in the past was yourself.

*In reality nobody can motivate us, everything we do comes from internal motivation. If you don't have intrinsic motivation, external motivation won't have any effect. External motivation is like a pat on the back when you have already been helping yourself. I need a pat on the back sometimes, it is a good thing.

Edited by dias
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3 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

I’m also putting off taking responsibility for myself and going somewhere completely alone.

One is never completely alone HK.  I took off into the relatively unknown at age 20, and if I could do it so can you.

One thing is for sure: if you decide on Dublin (the city of my birth, and also where I was educated) you certainly will not be alone for long. Lol.

Dublin is very expensive (Ireland is the second most expensive country in Europe) but you do not have to live in the city centre and in County Dublin one can still find relatively reasonably priced accommodation.   There is a housing and accommodation shortage which has led to the rising rent prices.  But the city on the Liffey has much to offer and those drawn under its spell find it hard to leave.

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thanks both. I still haven’t made up my mind. Work has been a mess really, made headway in some respects and lost the plot in others. Part of my pros and cons list was to be about that job but if I do that now I don’t think I’d turn up for my next shift. Hoping once the summer is out of the way, things will go back to the old way that events were booked and scheduled and not as much chasing of tails.

Talking of chasing tail - that cute guy I was messaging a few months back? I made a new profile on a couple of apps and we ended up matching again, so I’ve been lightly teasing him for not getting back in touch. In response he’s asked to take me out this weekend…however he’s not initiating any planning or confirming that it’s still happening.

I don’t really want to message AGAIN just to be ghosted like last time…so do I just wait for him to get in touch with me about plans?? We live in different towns 25 miles apart so a heads up would have been nice so I know when to travel in, or to make other plans if he’s not interested. I mean, is this fun for some guys just to mess people about? And did he have to be the most friggin handsome one!  

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3 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

do I just wait for him to get in touch with me about plans??

Nah. Put him out of your mind. He may be handsome, but he doesn't sound terribly considerate. 

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Welp, couldn’t get him out of my mind…and we did end up meeting last weekend. But you’ll have guessed, barely heard from him this week. Ah well, I got a couple of snogs out of it which were very nice at the time 🤭.

That will just have to satiate me for the time being.

Work has still been rubbish this week. I know I have to pull my finger out and get something successful for the cv but motivation is still very scarce.

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Still nothing from cute guy who I’ll rename as Casper the not-so-friendly ghost. Won’t be chasing him a third time, he knows how to reach me and that I’m interested. Still gutted though.

Have tentative plans for a date with someone else through in Glasgow on Friday. Honestly I think I only agreed to get it out the way..and need a distraction from the circus in a dumpster on fire that is work. 

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