The Ruminant’s Almanac

[hidden_kitten]

Around 6 months back on dating apps and have finally had a run in with an antivaxxer. My responses to him were the digital equivalent of nodding and smiling but took a couple of days to respond to his last message, having not turned on app notifications and having no bandwidth for even talking to friends after my shifts this week. I next log in and see that he’s called me a “disgusting pig” for ignoring him. Wished him well. Blocked him.

[hidden_kitten]

How do I deal with colleagues that threaten to quit every couple of days? They are peers, and we’re all sharing extra burdens right now, but I’ve no idea how to respond apart from agreeing that things are tough right now. I don’t know if they’re wanting me to come up with a solution for them…or to tell them, ok, jog on then??

Our tech guy is currently very grumpy and ***ly to be around, who also voices complaints in my direction, when I have no control over the schedule or book any events. Direct it at the boss who does!

Had a ONS at the start of the week. Wasn’t as exciting as I thought it might be, but hey, got to have a bit of fun.

Although being queen of bad decisions, also had a first meet in my town that I scheduled really soon after a work shift, won’t be doing that again. Hate all the rushing around. It was strange matching with someone in my hometown who I didn’t go to school with 20 years ago, haha. We went for a walk around the park. I’ve found that I’m not a big fan of walking dates - the guy tends to charge ahead while I’m waddling behind trying to hold a conversation. He seems like a nice guy, but didn’t really feel anything for him. We both seemed socially awkward, although he loosened up toward the end of the walk. So, not sure if I’ll meet with him again.

[Jibralta]

17 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

How do I deal with colleagues that threaten to quit every couple of days? They are peers, and we’re all sharing extra burdens right now, but I’ve no idea how to respond apart from agreeing that things are tough right now. I don’t know if they’re wanting me to come up with a solution for them…or to tell them, ok, jog on then??

I'm thinking the latter. Better yet, avoid them altogether. Complainers are the worst. 

17 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

We went for a walk around the park. I’ve found that I’m not a big fan of walking dates - the guy tends to charge ahead while I’m waddling behind trying to hold a conversation.

That's not a good walking date at all. The guy should at least walk along side you! Jeez....

[LaHermes]

Ignore complainers, HK.  Negative vibe! Not your job to care whether they leave the job or stay. Why, in any case, are they directing their complaints and grumpiness at you in particular?

 

 

 

[hidden_kitten]

20 hours ago, Jibralta said:

That's not a good walking date at all. The guy should at least walk along side you! Jeez....

Yeah, although I’m not a fast walker anyway (I blame being short but more likely being out of shape haha). At least that’s something Casper did right, he dropped back and walked at my pace. I remember being on holiday with a couple of different exes, and we would go out exploring the towns we were visiting. They would complain how slow I was too, when all I was doing was wanting to take in the architecture/scenery in a new place.

[hidden_kitten]

20 hours ago, LaHermes said:

Why, in any case, are they directing their complaints and grumpiness at you in particular?

Needing to vent I guess. We are a very, very small team and basically one-man departments. Can’t avoid any of them because the back office is open plan. I’m probably a source of some of the grumpiness with being late with some deadlines recently. However with things like the schedule,  or how we have no budget to work with, I don’t have any influence over. 

[hidden_kitten]

Had a date in the capital last night. He seemed easy to get on with, we’re in similar industries….and I’ve heard nothing today. Queen of first dates at the moment haha.

I’m still obsessed with Casper. He keeps cropping up on various dating apps. I haven’t blocked him yet because I keep holding out that we might meet up again. Which of course I know is ridiculous because he knows I liked him and he hasn’t made any effort to get back in touch since July. Sad face. 

[hidden_kitten]

Don’t have the energy for a longer post, but this week I met up with a friend from university who has become quite successful in his industry, the same one I trained for. He said the last project he worked on was a complete doozy and shared some work stories to let off steam. As frustrated as I am with work/career, it made me feel better that I’m not the only one trying to wade forward through ****. 
 

Then at the end of my shift today my boss tells me she’s giving me a pay rise next month, saying she’s noticed how hard I’ve pitched in. There’s been plenty days where I don’t feel like I deserve that, but definitely is a nice end to the week. It won’t be a huge amount by any means but it’s a bit extra into the pension and savings.

My main goals for the next couple of months -

Get car fixed (next week fingers crossed).

ACTUALLY drive it.

Decide if I’m moving out and where.

[LaHermes]

14 minutes ago, hidden_kitten said:

Decide if I’m moving out and where.

That is where it's at HK! No "ifs", just decide. 

[hidden_kitten]

I have a free house the next couple of days, thank goodness. Everyone’s at BEC level here.

Messaged three guys on Bumble, no responses. Casper keeps appearing in the app again and still look insanely hot. I’m pretty sure he’s using old photos though.

Tinder, guys who message are too far away to set up a quick date, and no one has planned as far as the weekend yet. Ho hum.

I have finished a book! Spent the last two years promising myself I’d read more but would only manage a few pages here and there. This was a true crime nonfic and I couldn’t put it down.

[hidden_kitten]

My rust bucket on wheels has had its brakes fixed. My usual mechanic couldn’t see me until next week, MOT ran out this week so had to go to the next town over. Furthest I’ve driven since my break up. Was sooo close to backing out and cancelling. Peak commuter times as well with lots of traffic there and back, but more practice. Saw a couple of dodgy overtakes too, stayed well back!

Went into the city while the car was worked on. Did a LOT of walking, my phone tells me it’s over 16000 steps. I’m not sure how accurate it is though.

With plenty time to kill, visited Edinburgh Castle. I’ve never been inside the actual buildings. Watched the one o’clock gun fire at close range.  Finally ticked off the list at age 34!

[hidden_kitten]

Had an odd reaction to a guy I’ve been seeing very casually telling me he’s met someone else. It was never expected or discussed that we were in a relationship and it was a very ‘you’ll do for now’ situation, but I definitely felt rejected when his text came through.

In the meantime I had a couple of first meets in the city. One seemed more keen than I was, and he’s a lovely guy but can’t say I felt any attraction to him romantically. He was trying to get me to come back to his flat toward the end of the date but I excused myself that I’d better get the next bus home. Should have messaged that I didn’t feel anything but may have left it too long now.

The other guy, a bit older than me, went for coffee. Conversation was kind of run of the mill but I think we were both nervous. He made a light hearted comment ‘we could do that on a second date’ when talking about favourite walks around the city. However, he’s not initiated any contact since.

Unnerving work comment: colleague casually mentions “when I retire and you take over my department…” argh no lady! I’m trying to leave as well not take on even more work 😄

[hidden_kitten]

New guy, been messaging for a couple of weeks and a couple of phone calls, seemed like we could get on well. I said I was free today but he needed to check when he was free in the afternoon and would get back to me. Not a peep from him today. I’ve no other means right now to meet new people, getting ignored/ghosted is so frustrating!

But maybe it’s just as well - could not get going today at all. When it was apparent he wasn’t getting in touch I just stayed in bed. Didn’t surface until 3pm 😕

Got a loooong week ahead. Think I’m in work almost every day.

[hidden_kitten]

I have to give an informal presentation at work in a couple of days, and had a bad dream about it this morning. Group meetings at work aren’t always well planned - and sometimes take place in the cafe so there’s enough space but you’re constantly distracted by other customers/noise/people needing served at box office. In the dream I was struggling to raise my voice to be heard and was being interrupted every minute. Hope the real thing goes a bit smoother!

[hidden_kitten]

Presentation went well, and it looks like some ideas I brought up are going to be implemented. Unfortunately that means I’ve signed myself up for at least another 9 months of projects…I was trying to leave, dammit!

While work is improving (slightly), still frustrated on the dating front. There’s one guy that seems to be using me just for sexy chat and bails whenever I ask him to meet up in person. I do enjoy sexting but the whole point for me is that it’ll lead to the real thing…but these guys seem to be all talk no walk. Think I’m going to ghost him if he resurfaces. I might not want a serious thing right now but sick of being messed about.

[Jibralta]

1 minute ago, hidden_kitten said:

Presentation went well, and it looks like some ideas I brought up are going to be implemented. Unfortunately that means I’ve signed myself up for at least another 9 months of projects…I was trying to leave, dammit!

That's a good problem to have, though!

[hidden_kitten]

Booked a week off to wander around Manchester. Came back home last night, the come down is real. Did a lot of walking, seeing more of the city than previous visits.

Had a Tinder date the second night, but he kind of overstayed his welcome. We were wandering around lost (he’s also new in the city) at midnight while he could find a takeaway. I just wanted to leave and go to bed!

To contradict that, I was wishing I visited with a friend or partner because there was a few places I wanted to go but they wouldn’t have been enjoyable or safe on my own. Even just walking by the canals I’d have like to have shared it with someone. 

Wondering if I would want to live in this part of the country. Need to fix my stupid life and go somewhere.

[hidden_kitten]

I really don't know how to take the next step. Was almost hyperventilating on the way home from work with all the thoughts swirling in my head. Part of me wants someone to just tell me what the right decision is so I can move on from here. Instead I'm going in circles. I know I don't want to be 34 and in this town with no social life and in this job....but I don't know what the alternative is 😞

[dias]

6 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

 Part of me wants someone to just tell me what the right decision is so I can move on from here. 

Ah wouldn't be nice to know the answers?  When it comes to life choices outside of the pre-determined life path you can't know what the right decision is beforehand. You have to take the leap and if you don't like it, you have to continue changing until you are satisfied. Yes it is difficult because many times it just does not work out like you would like. 

In the process you mature and you change and you learn to do more instead of worrying more because in the end you only live once and it does not really matter whether you made mistakes or whether you always made the right choice. 

Following what you truly want (moving to another place in this case) is difficult but very gratifying in the long term. Take the leap when you feel like it. 

Good luck 🙂

[Jibralta]

9 hours ago, hidden_kitten said:

Instead I'm going in circles.

What, in your opinion, are you doing or not doing that keeps you going in circles?

[hidden_kitten]

I just can’t decide on a plan of action. I don’t know whether to look for another job in the same industry (but possibly ruining my current references in the process) or try and get into the one I trained in, or retrain for something new altogether.

I don’t know if I should move out and stay local while working here a bit longer, or keep saving and move further afield as soon as I can when a new job comes up.

I know there’s no ‘right’ decision as such, but need to commit to a path and stick with it. I felt in limbo for years with one foot out the door everywhere I’ve worked.

[Jibralta]

On 12/1/2021 at 2:25 PM, hidden_kitten said:

need to commit to a path and stick with it.

That's really all there is to it. Not making a decision is still making a decision--you are making a decision to stay where you are.* Commit to the path forward. Put the blinders on and be single-minded about it if you have to. 

__________________

* I always laugh when I say this because years ago, I tried to tell this to a friend of mine and he vehemently refused to believe it! 

[hidden_kitten]

Wondering if the UK, or even just Scotland, will go back into some sort of lockdown.

The timing is annoying, mainly because it’s made planning at work for January really awkward. There’s a load of stuff I need to get off my plate by this weekend but I have a feeling I’ll be following it up with “sorry, all change again!”.

We have a run of three concerts this week which are still going ahead unless any new announcements come tomorrow. People are calling up saying they don’t feel comfortable coming and can they get a refund, but our policy is that can only happen if the show is cancelled outright.

Such a weird time.

 

[hidden_kitten]

Not much happening on the dating apps. None of the messages I send first are replied to, and they’re a mixture of ‘hey’ and thoughtful openers if they’ve bothered to write anything at all in their bios. The ones that contact me seem to only want hook ups.

Meanwhile I’m getting ridiculously close to messaging Casper again, who appears to still be single. Trying to stay strong!

[hidden_kitten]

Christmas was pleasant and quiet. Swapped presents with parents early afternoon (Mum and I are late risers 😆) then Dad did most of the meal prep. Very non traditional Indian themed, was lovely and there were leftovers for days afterwards. In the evening watched the most recent Bond movie with them. 

Had an online video call with old high school friends, they all seem well. Would be better if we could get together properly.

Tomorrow will visit my sister and nephew.

Left work early on Friday (Christmas eve). It was just me and the cafe manager, and we found ourselves with no customers around 1pm. Officially we were meant to stay open until 3 but between decided to take advantage and shut everything down there and then. By the time the doors were closed was probably more like 2pm, so not too far off!

Been napping and sleeping in A LOT. Didn’t leave the house again until Monday so that also tuckered me out when i came home, but also haven’t been regular on my anti depressants so I wonder if that’s affecting my energy levels. Really want to get on top of sleep pattern/health in 2022.