She still likes her ex but also seems to want me?

[ninjabib]

Agree Miss Canuck. If she was interested in OP and genuinely felt this incredible connection she says she does they would have slept together when she visited.

 

 

OP please stop all contact with her.

[bluecastle]

What everyone is saying.

 

I'm also curious about your past relationship experience, along the lines of what MissCanuck asked. All this emphasis on social media: it just doesn't ring as a means for someone just shy of 50 to be gauging the "reality" of someone's thoughts and feelings.

 

I'm 40, for reference. Show me anyone posting a lot of relationship stuff on social media and all I see is someone who is using a juvenile platform to put forth false ideas and feelings that he or she hopes will become "real" through posting. It is something young people do, which I understand, and something insecure older people do. It is a straight-up red flag to me if someone wants to plaster me all over their feeds after a few days, even a few months, because to my brain it signals an inability to respect that I am a complex stranger that they are just getting to know. Nice for the ego, sure, but it leaves an icky aftertaste of insincerity.

 

You'll spin around as long as you need to, but I do hope you'll spin back to reality sooner than later. You caught her at a bad time. It happens, and isn't really so complicated. If you can get real with yourself I think you'll admit that all you really miss here is the way she allowed you to feel—like "perfection"—for a tiny slice of time. That's not connection, but intoxication. It's getting high, and missing the high, not getting to know another human being or being known by one.

[MaybeThen]

OP, without meaning to sound unkind, have you had much relationship experience?

 

I ask because the way you approached this is akin to the way love-struck teens approach a relationship; not the way a man nearing 50 would. Mature, rational and experienced adults don't go around declaring love and soulmate status within days of meeting someone - and definitely not when that someone has literally just ended a relationship hours before.

 

I feel for you, as it sounds like you have very low self-esteem and desperately wanted the attention of a woman - any woman - and were thus willing to overlook all the red flags and rush through any normal steps of building a real and sustainable relationship. You are evidently so hungry for love that you don't see the warning signs of significant drama and unsuitable relationship candidates. It's not all on you, of course. She is also looking to fill a void in her life, but it's the one her ex left behind. And she is still very much hoping he will finally be the man she wanted him to be. You are going to be left in the dust here.

 

 

Initially I think I got caught up in the fantasy too. She looks exactly like my ultimate physical dream girl. Small waist, curvy, tattoos, beautiful, the whole 9 yards. Like a model. So when she paid me attention of course I went overboard and was on cloud 9. I said many things because she did too and seemed to be craving it. And of course I wanted to give it my all to not lose such a chance. So I invited her back to my country to show her a good time like she wanted. When she agreed I was ecstatic. But looking back I did go overboard along with her on social media and a lot of that was not wanting to drop the ball on someone like her. We just kind of played off of the energy together. It was very exciting to be honest. And after the 4 months went on it felt more and more real. So yes when I found the ex was still in contact I felt duped. I did tell her I loved her 5 days into knowing her but initially I think I just loved the feeling and the idea. But now 4 months in I did think we had something very real. At this point I’m pretty sure she used me for the attention and the items I gave her. But I admit that if she didn’t look like she did I wouldn’t have done any of this.

[MaybeThen]

What everyone is saying.

 

I'm also curious about your past relationship experience, along the lines of what MissCanuck asked.

Not a lot. I’ve been single most of my life

 

All this emphasis on social media: it just doesn't ring as a means for someone just shy of 50 to be gauging the "reality" of someone's thoughts and feelings.

 

She told me one of his things was he didn’t use social media and when she would just try to post random photos of him he would tell her to remove it. She explicitly told me she felt hidden by him and wanted to see what it felt like to feel like she wasn’t hidden. To share her life online if she wanted and have people react. So I posted her all over my stream, and she posted me on hers. Its not in a normal way though. It was a showcase. And I also felt I was showing off to have someone like her and having her respond telling me how amazing I was

 

And she’s 30 so she’s more of a generation who does utilize social media for things. I guess because it’s long distance I used a lot of that to gauge things. Like we can’t go to a local bar and meet her friends, but with social media they all knew about me. So why do that if it was so fake? Why not just keep me hidden.

 

I'm 40, for reference. Show me anyone posting a lot of relationship stuff on social media and all I see is someone who is using a juvenile platform to put forth false ideas and feelings that he or she hopes will become "real" through posting. It is something young people do, which I understand, and something insecure older people do. It is a straight-up red flag to me if someone wants to plaster me all over their feeds after a few days, even a few months, because to my brain it signals an inability to respect that I am a complex stranger that they are just getting to know. Nice for the ego, sure, but it leaves an icky aftertaste of insincerity.

 

That’s true. She probably did it because she was broken and wanted to feel. A fantasy. And I did it to win her over. Then it started to feel good as well. Then I believed it. I got carried away but reality set in when I found out about the ex.

 

 

If you can get real with yourself I think you'll admit that all you really miss here is the way she allowed you to feel—like "perfection"—for a tiny slice of time. That's not connection, but intoxication. It's getting high, and missing the high, not getting to know another human being or being known by one.

 

 

Now that I think about it, the way she came onto me kind of reminds me of a swindler almost. Like she knew exactly what she wanted. And how to garner a particular type of attention. She knows she’s hot. It’s difficult to resist something like that but I thought it was an opportunity of a lifetime. I thought I won her over and I thought she was genuinely into me

 

But it’s true, I just got high on the feeling and the excitement of someone new and attractive. And over the 4 months I did feel like it was all real and we had developed a relationship. But thinking on it, she never told me she liked me. She said a lot she liked the feeling. And thanked me for showing her affection. But never said it was me she liked. (Aside from the poetic love stuff she would write about how I’m amazing and she’s so glad we met. But there was never a genuine statement about me)

 

And you’re right, I really don’t know this person. We marked ourselves as in a relationship the same day they broke up. She played me but I’m not far off as I wouldn’t have done so much if she were not looking like this. I mean, I understand we all do things when we are interested in someone and trying to win them over, but I moved lightning fast to try and cement her to me because I’m certain my window was small. And she seemed genuinely into it.

 

She was/is really fun to be around. I did think we developed something real over these months. I did believe that. Like I won. And I had such a great time I said I wanted to spend my life with her. Is it because of her looks? I have to be honest and ask myself that. Would I have caught the red flags if she was unattractive? In any case after I said that and she got back home that was when she came clean about her feelings for the ex etc

[bluecastle]

I'd really try to chill with all the stories of being "played" and "swindled," and this all being "fake." That gives all this more power than it needs, something I try to emphasize in my own life and on this forum.

 

She's vulnerable, you're vulnerable, both in difference ways. Those vulnerable edges found each other, locked horns, and now you're a bit twisted up. A version of this plays out by the second, across the globe. It is dating, one shade of it, with the variables here (distance, social media, age gap, tattoos) supplying a particularly potent fantasy: big high, big crash.

 

That's the story, and that's where the power is: simplicity, clarity, and acceptance of human folly, hearts and hormones.

 

Hopefully you can use the experience to shore up some of those vulnerable places, so you're not prone to being so thrown by what, in the end, amounts to very little. Hopefully next time a woman is giving you this much information about her ex you'll see that not as door to walk through but a black hole to avoid.

 

It's like going to a cool new restaurant for a drink and appetizer. Fun. Then you go for the full meal and come away $150 poorer, with food poisoning. Not fun. But, hey, now you know to avoid that restaurant. It wasn't opened to make you sick or steal your money. It's just a sh*tty restaurant with a bar that looks good on the ol' gram but doesn't really nourish.

[Wiseman2]

It happens all the time. Escorts, sugar babies and other such women learn to stoke egos and extract money. It's what they do. If you want to think of this as girlfriend-experience type of encounter that's fine. Maybe it will give you the confidence to start dating real women. When someone is in your real life real time on a regular basis you'll feel better than just reminiscing about this.

I’ve been single most of my life and suddenly this really beautiful girl was paying me attention? That doesn’t happen.

[MissCanuck]

A big part of your problem here was your desire to compete with her ex. You've been pitting yourself against him from the very beginning, and he has been a silent third wheel throughout this last 4 months; you've continuously and consciously made decisions in a fairly transparent attempt to one-up him and secure her. You were on a futile mission to be more generous, more attentive, more emotional, more everything that he wasn't.

 

As you can see, it didn't work. Why? Because she didn't start her relationship with you for the right reasons. She took zero time to process the break-up and heal before crash-landing into your life. You made her feel good and lavished all the attention and praise and gifts on her you possibly could, but those true romantic feelings were not exactly reciprocated. She didn't fake the appreciation of your devotion to her, but you're confusing that with assuming she was equally devoted to you as a person. She likes the idea of being someone's soulmate and blah, blah, blah - but it's her ex she wants to fill that role.

 

In any case, you need to take a more mature and mesasured approach to your next relationship. The wheels were always bound to come off this one, but you can take the lessons here moving forward. Looks mean little in the way of being a good candidate for a relationship. Don't operate on such a superficial level next time, my friend.

[MaybeThen]

I'd really try to chill with all the stories of being "played" and "swindled," and this all being "fake." That gives all this more power than it needs, something I try to emphasize in my own life and on this forum.

 

She's vulnerable, you're vulnerable, both in difference ways. Those vulnerable edges found each other, locked horns, and now you're a bit twisted up. A version of this plays out by the second, across the globe. It is dating, one shade of it, with the variables here (distance, social media, age gap, tattoos) supplying a particularly potent fantasy: big high, big crash.

 

That's the story, and that's where the power is: simplicity, clarity, and acceptance of human folly, hearts and hormones.

 

Thank you. It’s a good takeaway. I think those narratives were making it easy for me to pull myself out of it but really I don’t think she set out to destroy me or anything. I think she’s just hurt and wanted to not feel so alone. And that’s the story of my own life too. She probably has a history of reaching out to people like this when she feels down. If I was able to make her feel good for awhile then at least I did something positive. It’s my fault for taking it for more than it was. At least she was kind enough to have that talk with me when she realized that

[boltnrun]

If he can't see her social media, how was he able to tell her to remove posts? Obviously he CAN see her social media and that was another can of beans she fed you.

 

I'm sure you'll have some explanation.

 

I read this somewhere..."no one is as blind as those who refuse to see". Reality doesn't fit what you want so you ignore or explain away anything that doesn't fit the story you're telling yourself. "But but but"...

 

Sooner or later your fantasy will come crashing down. It will be devastating. I hope you're prepared for when that happens.

[Andrina]

If your life is mundane, that's your own fault. You need to make an effort to achieve the goals you strive for. You don't like the way you look? Start exercising, walking, weight lifting, joining a gym. Ask female relatives/friends your age to help you with a makeover for an attractive hairstyle/clothing. Just as you are attracted to a woman who puts effort into her appearance, potential dates expect the same from you.

 

If you have Meetup.com events in your area, go, once you develop more confidence with your appearance and by reading books/articles on how to boost self esteem. You can also join a book discussion group, take dance lessons like tango, salsa, swing, ballroom. All great ways to exercise and meet many people enjoying a fun activity. Take cooking lessons to learn about preparing healthy dishes. Do volunteer work, like environmental cleanups, or at a zoo or museum. You have to put yourself out in the world to meet new people.

 

When you have poor self esteem, you will attract manipulators/scammers. A decent, moral woman would not have accepted merchandise from an acquaintance, and would have never accepted an expensive trip unless she had confidence she was serious about a man.

 

Look around you at other couples. Most are close in age and possess a similar level of attractiveness. Why? Because that's what normally works. Get rid of your naivety and join the real world. Be proactive and get what you want instead of wallowing in your pity party. If you choose to be a victim, that's on you. It's like you're a baby bird, mouth open, swallowing up all that fluffy attention. If you finally open your eyes you'll see it's a vulture who is feeding you.

[Hollyj]

I know this is likely very true. And I know deep down this is why she cut contact with him, so she can finally get over her anger and then have him back. She says this clearly in the text but I told myself she cut contact to be with me, but I’m accepting now that isn’t the case. She’s using me to fill the void he left in her I guess.

 

See, before her and I became a couple, the day we met and she spilled the beans, she told me he has been in therapy for almost half a year to address his intimacy issues. I really am starting to accept that the probability is that when he’s reformed and she’s not mad at him, she will have her dream man. She said he was great except for that one missing piece.. that’s what I gave her. But our age difference and everything else, I don’t think I could compete with him.

 

 

 

The breakup was definitely real. I just don’t think she plans on getting over him. I think she plans on hoping he changes and then going back with him. That’s basically what her text said. I mean she did say “I hope we can reconnect and things fall into place, when you’re better and I’m not angry anymore.” It’s hard for me to deny that unless I twist it to say she’s only fooling him. But that doesn’t make sense because if I was her soul mate like she said, and as great as she said I was, what would she need another man for? And she tagged one of my photos as something about a handsome fitness model, well I’m overweight and unhealthy. It’s embarrassing but I really just thought her love for me was so real that she saw past everything and was truly attracted to me. She made me feel like perfection.

 

 

We didn’t have sex. Just a lot of affection and sharing a bed together. We live in different countries so she does send me provocative photos and videos a lot.

 

C'mon, OP! She claims to be in love with you, but will not sleep with you?! She is in therapy to get over he ex and has been in contact all the time that you have been "in love." She loves her ex. This is the man she wants!

 

Dude you are living in fantasyland. If one of your friends shared this story, what would you advise? What do you friends think of this?

 

As Andrina suggested, you need to expand your life. Get off of social media and into the world

[MaybeThen]

If he can't see her social media, how was he able to tell her to remove posts? Obviously he CAN see her social media and that was another can of beans she fed you.

 

 

She was referring to back when they were together. That she would post him and he’d want it removed. Fast forward to now when they’ve broken up, her accounts are private and privacy settings on restricted. So no he can’t see it. You can see her account if you have one and are on her friends list.

[MaybeThen]

 

As you can see, it didn't work. Why? Because she didn't start her relationship with you for the right reasons. She took zero time to process the break-up and heal before crash-landing into your life. You made her feel good and lavished all the attention and praise and gifts on her you possibly could, but those true romantic feelings were not exactly reciprocated. She didn't fake the appreciation of your devotion to her, but you're confusing that with assuming she was equally devoted to you as a person. She likes the idea of being someone's soulmate and blah, blah, blah - but it's her ex she wants to fill that role.

 

This got through to me. I put all my evidence of a serious relationship based on her being affectionate and showing me off, and well, saying I was her boyfriend. But it seems to be more likely a gratitude response to my affection during this hard time for her. I mean the fact she told me she can’t make any promises and told him she wants to see if it will work out in the future sort of proves that. A small piece of my mind still thinks if I stick around she will maybe end up with me though. But at least now I realize its unlikely

[MaybeThen]

If your life is mundane, that's your own fault. You need to make an effort to achieve the goals you strive for. You don't like the way you look? Start exercising, walking, weight lifting, joining a gym. Ask female relatives/friends your age to help you with a makeover for an attractive hairstyle/clothing. Just as you are attracted to a woman who puts effort into her appearance, potential dates expect the same from you.

 

I do work out. I’ve lost a lot of weight but I always gain it back because i enjoy food too much. But I go to the gym 3 times a week and I have for the past several years. My hairstyle is nice. But genetically I can’t change my features.

 

 

When you have poor self esteem, you will attract manipulators/scammers. A decent, moral woman would not have accepted merchandise from an acquaintance, and would have never accepted an expensive trip unless she had confidence she was serious about a man.

Not if it was during the dating stage and she wanted to get to know him and took a risk at an adventure. And she always told me I was a chance she took and was happy she did

[MaybeThen]

C'mon, OP! She claims to be in love with you, but will not sleep with you?! She is in therapy to get over he ex and has been in contact all the time that you have been "in love." She loves her ex. This is the man she wants!

 

 

 

No she isn’t. She told me he is in therapy to fix the reason they broke up. But she was angry he was doing it after the fact and sometimes felt he’s too late.

 

And I know many religious women who will not sleep with a man. Or even women who just take it slow sexually. You can’t use that to base it off of anything.

 

Look at this point you all have convinced me that she was hurting and used me to extract affection and some sense of safety or normalcy from. She likely is keeping me around for those things while she waits to see what happens with him. I think he deprived her of everything I’m doing and it feels really nice for her to feel those things and I had a really good time with her when she came out.

 

But, I know if I were truly her soulmate like she said she would not keep him around she would have found everything in me like she claimed, and cut ties with him. That’s what gave me the red flag when she told me they still speak. When she cut contact with him I believed that was what she was doing, cutting ties to be with me. But I see now she said it was to get over her anger and try again with him; if it were really me she wanted she would have told him she found someone else and he needs to move on. I get that.

 

At this point I think if we keep talking there’s a chance she will notice I’m better for her than he is because she said she didn’t want to rush into anything serious, that carries hope with it. She didn’t tell me we will never be anything serious, just that she doesn’t want to rush into it. So I will see what happens but I don’t expect it anymore.

[bluecastle]

But, I know if I were truly her soulmate like she said she would not keep him around she would have found everything in me like she claimed, and cut ties with him. That’s what gave me the red flag when she told me they still speak. When she cut contact with him I believed that was what she was doing, cutting ties to be with me. But I see now she said it was to get over her anger and try again with him; if it were really me she wanted she would have told him she found someone else and he needs to move on. I get that.

 

At this point I think if we keep talking there’s a chance she will notice I’m better for her than he is because she said she didn’t want to rush into anything serious, that carries hope with it. She didn’t tell me we will never be anything serious, just that she doesn’t want to rush into it. So I will see what happens but I don’t expect it anymore.

 

Sorry to pound the drum here, but...

 

The fact that she referred to you as a soulmate after 48 hours is a major red flag, as is your continued instinct to hang onto that utterance as if it were etched in marble in Florence circa 1465. That is a Hallmark card, not humanity. It's not deep, I'm sorry, but the very opposite. It is sitting in a puddle and calling it the Pacific Ocean.

 

Calling a stranger a soulmate is like renting a Ferrari for a day to feel rich. That she has been continuously in touch with her ex, and continuously comparing you to him to your face are the secondary red flags. That is the rented Ferrari stalling out—or, more accurately, being hit by sunlight and revealing that it's actually a used Ford, depriving even the illusion of wealth.

 

Romance is not a competition. It is not about being "better" than some other dude, because that's just pure ego. Be better, and bigger, than all this.

[ninjabib]

OP we have tried but it seems you will not listen. Good luck. I'm exasperated by your thinking.

[MaybeThen]

OP we have tried but it seems you will not listen. Good luck. I'm exasperated by your thinking.

 

I believed this for 4 months straight. So it’s sort of hard to let go of everything in 2 days. But yes I am listening and I now realize that all of those love letters and social media proclamations were just fantasy.

 

But now she is in my life and I’ll be there for her, and yes I still think I might have a chance in the future because sometimes people do really fall in love. But I understand that I was just on cloud 9 up until now.

[RayRay63]

. We live in different countries so she does send me provocative photos and videos a lot.

 

OP, I had to go back and read your opening post (and some following) to put that statement in context. Picking some salient features from your posts:

 

A few months ago you met a girl in your country while she vacationed

 

You are about 50 and she is about 30.

 

She is hot, and you're not so hot as it were.

 

Within days you were her boyfriend*.

 

[*but actually you aren't - because she won't do sex]

 

You gave her stuff from the family shop for free.

 

You paid for her to come back again (or for everything once she got there).

 

She gave you a list of the free stuff she wanted from the shop when she did.

 

You have spent in total 11 days together in 4 months.

 

Now she is giving you the run-around, using her ex on you, just like she used you on her ex.

 

Yet she sends provocative photos and videos.

 

You say "when I look at everything, all our photos, and the way she talks to me it’s hard to let completely go. Hard to believe it’s completely and absolutely a farce."

 

Question - in the videos, does she say your name?**

 

[** At the risk of sounding overly suspicious, I wonder if she is multi-tasking.]

 

 

This woman seems very adept at manipulating 50 y.o. mens' emotions to get financial benefits (without even doing sexual favours).

 

Has she asked you for any money to help a sick relative yet?

 

This smells like a fraud to me, but I could be wrong. She could just be a sociopath.

 

You need to shut it down.

[MaybeThen]

Most of the timeline in your post is correct except:

 

Within days you were her boyfriend*.

 

[*but actually you aren't - because she won't do sex]

This can’t be a sole criteria. So if we had sex then suddenly all the convincing you guys said to get me to see the red flags is not relevant anymore? Even if we had sex I still think this whole thing moved incredibly fast and is fishy on some levels.

 

 

Now she is giving you the run-around, using her ex on you, just like she used you on her ex.

 

This is another thing that isn’t true. Many of you guys created a narrative that she was using me to make her ex jealous. I’m almost 100% certain that didn’t happen based on the convo I saw between them and the fact her social media is private. So is mine. Where she was writing me all those love letters was predominantly in my account and he certainly can’t see it. On her account, which is also a closed off account, she would post photos of me and tag me as her man, and caption it how much she loves me. Her account is very real. It has her family members on it and everything. I do know a couple of them made a vomit face emoji to my photos.

 

You say "when I look at everything, all our photos, and the way she talks to me it’s hard to let completely go. Hard to believe it’s completely and absolutely a farce."

 

Yes here I’m speaking about all the couple photos we took together as a couple. Her kissing me and everything. Telling me how much I mean to her. And how happy I make her etc. Its not like she was standoffish with me. And she posted these couple photos on her account saying like “I love this man. You’re perfect. My heart aches to be with you again”

 

Question - in the videos, does she say your name?**

 

[** At the risk of sounding overly suspicious, I wonder if she is multi-tasking.]

No she doesn’t say anything.

 

 

This woman seems very adept at manipulating 50 y.o. mens' emotions to get financial benefits (without even doing sexual favours).

 

Has she asked you for any money to help a sick relative yet?

 

No she has a well paying career and brought me back some very expensive gifts when she came to visit. I don’t make much money. Now I know you will ask how I know she isn’t lying about her career and that’s because on the company website she is listed as working there.

 

 

This smells like a fraud to me, but I could be wrong. She could just be a sociopath.

 

You need to shut it down.

 

I think she was enjoying me for items (which I offered to her) from the shop and love and attention. I mean she’s actually been very clear from the get go, I just chose to believe the actions meant we were destined to be together. But when I remember back to our first real conversation, she’s basically reliving everything with me that she didn’t have with him. And I remember her saying something like “I just want to find what I know is out there and heal”. And that was my in basically.

 

She came clean about her ex when I told her I wanted to marry her basically. I think she realized I had taken it all way too far. I don’t think she’s a sociopath at all, I think this all just got carried off somewhere it never should have went had she not been hurting and had I not been a desperate man.

 

Also I have to add that after she told me there are some feelings for the ex still, she continues to talk to me as usual, saying she misses me and posting me on her account. And I still do it too. It didn’t stop.

[RayRay63]

this whole thing moved incredibly fast and is fishy on some levels. .... I told her I wanted to marry her...

 

Yes, it is.

 

Like I said before, it doesn't, in the end, matter if you were duped or not. Once it's over, it's over.

 

Staying in contact with her will not increase your chance of being with her in the future. It will however validate her actions, let her know that you are a viable back-up plan, and prepared to be a doormat.

 

If you ever want to get her attention again - in the way you want - you need to tell her you only want to hear from her if she permanently breaks with the ex, and decides she wants you.

 

That means you block/delete her everywhere. If she wants to get in touch, she will find a way.

[MaybeThen]

Staying in contact with her will not increase your chance of being with her in the future. It will however validate her actions, let her know that you are a viable back-up plan, and prepared to be a doormat.

 

I feel like my lack of social skills in the romantic department are maybe preventing me from picking up on queues.

 

You say this but a “viable back up plan” does mean that we will be together, it may be a plan B for her but it still means we end up together. What’s so wrong with that if I’m ok with that? I know my options are limited.

 

It’s like the lottery, do I not play just because I likely won’t win?

 

I guess that’s a decision and life choice i make on my own. But when the dial of time turns and she ends up ghosting me or something, I won’t return and cry about it but I will say it happened the way the majority called.

[bluecastle]

It’s like the lottery, do I not play just because I likely won’t win?

 

Well, that's one way to look at it. Another would be: It's like the lottery, a very reckless thing play if it means you stop going to work, or not something to ever confuse with a career.

[MaybeThen]

Well, that's one way to look at it. Another would be: It's like the lottery, a very reckless thing play if it means you stop going to work, or not something to ever confuse with a career.

 

A week ago I would have turned down any other woman. Not that any approach me, but I believed my life would be with this one. Now I see that isn’t necessarily the case so I won’t close my door to other women. But not completely abandoning this situation doesn’t harm me. I’ve been single for over 10 years. I have a nice group of friends and family I enjoy but outside of that this is the most excitement I’ve had in a very long time. It doesn’t bother me much. I knew it was too good to be true. But there’s still a small possibility that I won’t close the door on

[RayRay63]

....

 

You say this but a “viable back up plan” does mean that we will be together, it may be a plan B for her but it still means we end up together. What’s so wrong with that if I’m ok with that? I know my options are limited.

 

 

It means you look insecure & needy, and weak, all of which are rather unattractive. That tends to ruin your chances of getting together with her.

 

It also means you prolong the hurt process you are suffering.