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Should I attend my friends dads funeral?


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My friends dad passed away. I am conflicted whether to attend the funeral or not. I dont know his dad and have only met him once. If I attend it would be to support my friend.

The thing is he is a friend from college and we have caught up over the years but lately I have not been feeling close to him. When we do see each other he likes to talk about himself and rarely asks about me. If his dad didn’t pass I don’t think I would want to see him again. I feel truly saddened that his dad has gone and feel guilty not going as a few college friends are attending.

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Is there a viewing & a funeral? If so go to the viewing. Hug your friend. Express condolence to the other members of the family & leave. You don't have to go to the funeral or the repast. If you can't bring yourself to do either, send a card & in a week or two show up at your friend's house with food.

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Is there a viewing & a funeral? If so go to the viewing. Hug your friend. Express condolence to the other members of the family & leave. You don't have to go to the funeral or the repast. If you can't bring yourself to do either, send a card & in a week or two show up at your friend's house with food.

 

Good advice

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It's up to you. There's a very high likelihood the hours and days are passing by in a blur and he might not respond to seeing friends or people he knows very well in the usual manner considering the circumstances. If you're expecting him to recognize all of you (or you in general) and be completely 'with it', leave room for grief and any emotions he's going through. If what you're looking for is friendship in a time of loneliness (your own loneliness) and you don't have it in you to do something like this, don't go. It'll be a waste of your time and it's insincere.

 

If you do feel moved to be there and say your prayers and offer your last respects to the deceased, then go. There is no pressure here and don't worry about what your other friends are doing. You're not joined at the hip.

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Reverse the situation. How would you feel if your friend from college didn't attend your dad's funeral? That might give you the answer you are seeking. Also, should you choose to not attend, you can send flowers or whatever is appropriate.

 

TeeDee gave some nice pointers.

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If you can not attend simply send whatever condolences are in order, flowers, food basket, card, whatever. You are not obligated to be there in person.

My friends dad passed away. I am conflicted whether to attend the funeral or not. If his dad didn’t pass I don’t think I would want to see him again. I feel truly saddened that his dad has gone and feel guilty not going as a few college friends are attending.
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If you have to travel and it's inconvenient to attend the funeral, then I would postal mail a sympathy card and send a small bouquet of flowers. I would handwrite a note in the sympathy card and offer your sincere condolences. I would behave graciously if it were me.

 

If the funeral is local, I'd attend because it's an act of kindness and respect to be selfless during your friend's grief, mourning and bereft state.

 

I agree with others. I'd bring a homemade dinner or take-out / carry out dinner to your friend. There are times in life when "doing the right thing" is the way to behave because life is too short. BE KIND. A few college friends will attend. It's a time to reconnect, bond, reminisce your nostalgic youth, catch up and band together in moral support even if you part ways forever with your friend(s).

 

You'll be glad that you did something as opposed to ignore completely.

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I went to my ex-mother in law's funeral. My ex wife looked a bit shocked, but I wanted to pay my respects to the ex father in law outside the church. Having done that, I politely declined his invitation to the wake, and took my leave.

 

You may want to do something similar. Just enough, but not too much. Granted the circumstances are not as severe, so you might not need to draw such a firm line.

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