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Dad and Grandma asking us to leave our apartment - is this fair?


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My husband and I are mid 30s. We moved to the coast of SC from Indiana 3 years ago to be close to my dad's side of the family since my mom died 5 years ago.

 

We have been renting a studio apartment on my grandma's property - same address but different building. My dad was living here before us. 3.5 years ago, when we told my dad we were thinking about moving down here, my dad asked us to take over this place because he wanted to live with his new girlfriend.

 

So we did and we've been paying my grandma $600 a month in rent ever since. Actually it was 500 at first but she raised it on us twice in the last 2 years. We were compliant since renting here on the coast is expensive. 1,000 a month and over.

 

It should be noted that after we moved in, we found out that my grandma is NOT legally supposed to be renting this place out.

 

Meanwhile, my dad and his girlfriend has since broken up. Last summer, him and a buddy of his moved into a town home just the two of them. Everything on his end financially seemed fine for several months. He's retired and was going on trips to Daytona bike week, etc and to the bar every night, helping me with my car repairs, so he wasn't strapped for cash....until now.

 

A month ago, my grandma mentioned that my dad might need to move back in because he's going broke here so we'd have to find a new place. I did kind of shrug it off at first because I thought there's no way my dad would put us out like that. I mean, this has been our home for 3 years.

 

2 weeks ago, my dad confirmed that he wants to move back in out place by Jan 1.

 

My husband and I started looking for apartments in the area and there's not much within our budget that will let us have a cat. We have had our cat for 10 years. We have no plans to have kids, so this cat is what we have.

 

But very few landlords around here accept cats. And I mean very few. The only places we have found that do allow pets simply just don't have any available apartments right now.

 

My dad suggested that we just don't tell any landlord about the cat, but we don't want to end up in a possible eviction or legal situation over this.

 

My grandma is already starting to get pushy about us leaving asap, but as far as I'm concerned, and I mean this with love....this really shouldn't be our problem. My dad had PLENTY of money a year ago. We've been fine living here and have never been late on a rent payment.

 

If they are going to put us out like this, the last they could do is be patient while we find a place. It took my dad 6 months to find a new place with his buddy. He was living in his EX's house for the whole six months while he found a new place.

 

I can't help but feel as if this isn't quite right. Yet my grandma is literally acting like we're suddenly the burden on the whole family. She literally told me "Time's a wastin"

 

Like, it's perfectly fine to kick out your granddaughter at Christmas time.

 

Is this messed up or am I just being a baby?

 

Side note: We have found more affordable places for rent out of state. However, that would mean we would both have to completely change our lives with new jobs and everything. My husband is so fed up with my dad and grandma's behavior, he's actually starting to want to get as far away from here as possible.

 

Yesterday, my husband got approved for a 10k loan in case we had to just get out of dodge. I really don't want to go that much into debt but we've been backed into a corner here.

Edited by JDAnthony
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Ooof—sorry about all this.

 

I don't think you're being a baby, but I also don't think there's really anything you can do. With the benefits of familial arrangements like this come very real costs, and I'd kind of look at this that way right now. It is, in the end, grandma's place to operate how she pleases, be it giving her son priority over her granddaughter or not renting it out to family at all.

 

Can't say I blame your husband for the way he feels right now, just as I totally understand your frustration. But maybe this is a blessing in disguise? Are there any temporary options, like an Airbnb, that you guys could use to extend the search for the right place a bit longer?

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In my opinion, that is totally messed up. She is enabling her son to be irresponsible and immature..way to go, Mom.

 

You're right, it's not your fault that your Dad messed things up and wasted his money.

I am totally on your side with this.

 

On the other hand, it's your grandma's apartment and your Dad is wanting it. Very tough spot to be in. I cannot believe family would do this either.

I am so sorry you're going through this.

Crossing fingers that you will find somewhere and it will be within your budget that allows animals.

Edited by SherrySher
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Ooof—sorry about all this.

 

I don't think you're being a baby, but I also don't think there's really anything you can do. With the benefits of familial arrangements like this come very real costs, and I'd kind of look at this that way right now. It is, in the end, grandma's place to operate how she pleases, be it giving her son priority over her granddaughter or not renting it out to family at all.

 

Can't say I blame your husband for the way he feels right now, just as I totally understand your frustration. But maybe this is a blessing in disguise? Are there any temporary options, like an Airbnb, that you guys could use to extend the search for the right place a bit longer?

 

Yeah, I mean I knew we couldn't stay here forever. What we didn't realize when we moved here is how expensive it is to rent here in comparison to Indiana. Up there, we never paid over 500 a month in rent. Our first apartment was $250 a month! But we were so bored in Indiana. We considered going back but decided we'd be unhappy there as we were before.

 

I haven't yet debated about and Airbnb. I might mention it to him but he might hesitate as he has general trust issues with people in general. This is also why we have ruled out having roommmates because they couldn't be trusted in our past living situations.

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Ask your dad if he could move into your grandma's house in his old bedroom until you guys find suitable arrangements. If that doesn't suit them then tell them that any landlord, has to give you at least two months notice before evicting you and that you are doing your best to find a place but you're going to need at the very least the legally allotted time to move. In the meantime, you are doing your best and not wasting any time.

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It's your grandma's place, and she can do anything she wants with it.

 

I recommend that you either find a small place you can afford, move back to Indiana, or move further inland in SC where the rents are a lot cheaper. Spending any energy thinking about 'fairness' is a waste of time.

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It does seem unfair but what are you going to do . . . stay & piss off everybody? Do ask dad if he could live with grandma while you make other arrangements. Do not lie to the landlord about the cat.

 

Meanwhile get a budget together & figure out what you are going to need to do to get a new place.

 

Then never trust any of these family members again financially.

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It's your grandma's place, and she can do anything she wants with it.
No when she's charging them rent she can't. Now that rent has been paid, it's not a landlord/tenant agreement and the same rules apply to grandma/landlord and granddaughter/tenant as would any stranger landlord and tenant.
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In my opinion, that is totally messed up. She is enabling her son to be irresponsible and immature..way to go, Mom.

]

You're right, it's not your fault that your Dad messed things up and wasted his money.

I am totally on your side with this.

 

On the other hand, it's your grandma's apartment and your Dad is wanting it. Very tough spot to be in. I cannot believe family would do this either.

I am so sorry you're going through this.

Crossing fingers that you will find somewhere and it will be within your budget that allows animals.

 

Thank you! I don't like to speak badly about my dad but he has been irresponsible with his money, in a couple of other ways I haven't even mentioned. Ultimately, I feel as if we are paying for a series of mistakes that he made.

 

 

It's your grandma's place, and she can do anything she wants with it.

 

I recommend that you either find a small place you can afford, move back to Indiana, or move further inland in SC where the rents are a lot cheaper. Spending any energy thinking about 'fairness' is a waste of time.

 

Yeah, that's true. My husband doesn't want to move further inland or back to Indiana (and neither do I). He said if we had to do that, he'd rather just go to the western states where he'd just be happier away from the hustle and bustle of "the city."

 

Ask your dad if he could move into your grandma's house in his old bedroom until you guys find suitable arrangements. If that doesn't suit them then tell them that any landlord, has to give you at least two months notice before evicting you and that you are doing your best to find a place but you're going to need at the very least the legally allotted time to move. In the meantime, you are doing your best and not wasting any time.

 

My grandma does have an extra room she pretty much just uses for storage. I wouldn't want him to be out on the street of course, so I might mention that.

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Yep, when I had roommates I had to give them appropriate advance notice and give them that amount of time to find a new rental (I gave them 2 months). I couldn't just toss them out.

 

And it doesn't matter if she shouldn't legally have been renting it out. That's her problem. She still has to follow the letter of the law.

 

She's playing hardball. Maybe it's time to play it right back. Two months.

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Get out of dodge. IMO living off the low rent should have been predicted as temporary. Also knowing that it was illegal for her to be subletting it, is another warning sign that eviction was a possibility and a shady act within itself. But yes the offer of the low rent was quite the lure.

Trust me when I say this, in that time you should have socked away money to move when the gravy train runs dry. Never depend on family or anyone for that matter. I myself save money when I can just in case I lose my job or can't take care of myself. You just never know.

 

Getting mad about it, does nothing for your situation. Your husband did the right thing by taking charge of the situation, getting a loan, and keeping you two off the street. Chin up, go forward.

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Get out of dodge. IMO living off the low rent should have been predicted as temporary. Also knowing that it was illegal for her to be subletting it, is another warning sign that eviction was a possibility and a shady act within itself. But yes the offer of the low rent was quite the lure.

Trust me when I say this, in that time you should have socked away money to move when the gravy train runs dry. Never depend on family or anyone for that matter. I myself save money when I can just in case I lose my job or can't take care of myself. You just never know.

 

Getting mad about it, does nothing for your situation. Your husband did the right thing by taking charge of the situation, getting a loan, and keeping you two off the street. Chin up, go forward.

 

He's been using this opportunity to pay off his car (not quite there yet) and his medical bills (also not paid off yet).

 

 

What type of work do you and your husband do?

 

He is currently a 3rd shift security guard for a private community. Last year he has a forklift driver at a marina.

 

I work in retail part time. A 2nd job as a fire performer for a local talent group (mostly in summer) and I have been using most of my spare time trying to get an entrepreneurial digital business off the ground as a relationship coach and consultant, still building my audience.

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No when she's charging them rent she can't. Now that rent has been paid, it's not a landlord/tenant agreement and the same rules apply to grandma/landlord and granddaughter/tenant as would any stranger landlord and tenant.

 

Right, but she has the right to give them a 30 day notice and have them out of there, as long as there is no written contract.

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Technically, she did mention this at the beginning of November but it wasn't confirmed that this is what needed to happen. She just said he "might" need to come back. She was under the impression my dad had a talk with me about this but he never did, until I had to call him and ask him directly if he wanted to move back in here, and he said yes. That was 2 weeks ago.

 

A coworker of mine said she can't kick us out without an eviction notice. (Not 100% sure if that's true) but I also don't know if she can legally even give us an eviction notice since she's not registered as a subletter. It's all been verbal but I DO have all the receipts of our payments to her. If she wanted to ever get nasty about it and call the police about an unwanted guest, I could see what they'd have to say about our rent history as well. She could possibly be fined. (I wouldn't really want do that, because she's still my grandma and I still love her and my dad) I don't think she'd do that but then again, I didn't think she would be doing what she is now.

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Technically, she did mention this at the beginning of November but it wasn't confirmed that this is what needed to happen. She just said he "might" need to come back. She was under the impression my dad had a talk with me about this but he never did, until I had to call him and ask him directly if he wanted to move back in here, and he said yes. That was 2 weeks ago.

 

A coworker of mine said she can't kick us out without an eviction notice. (Not 100% sure if that's true) but I also don't know if she can legally even give us an eviction notice since she's not registered as a subletter. It's all been verbal but I DO have all the receipts of our payments to her. If she wanted to ever get nasty about it and call the police about an unwanted guest, I could see what they'd have to say about our rent history as well. She could possibly be fined. (I wouldn't really want do that, because she's still my grandma and I still love her and my dad) I don't think she'd do that but then again, I didn't think she would be doing what she is now.

You provide eviction notices to residents, not leasees or sublesees. You could be a squatter, and so long as you've got 30 days documented there, you've earned your right to a 30+ day eviction notice.

 

That said, while you can and should assert your rights if necessary, you were told a month ago your own father might need the place to stay. You confirmed in November with your father that he would have to. You've been living well below market rate for what, three years? What's going on with a dual-income, childless couple where they can't save up for their own place, even if including a pet deposit? If you need your 30 days, assert your 30 days. You've got legal authority to dig your heels in. As far as any moral high ground goes, I'd consider it exhausted come Jan. 1st.

 

Just be decent people. No bridges need burning here.

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You provide eviction notices to residents, not leasees or sublesees. You could be a squatter, and so long as you've got 30 days documented there, you've earned your right to a 30+ day eviction notice.

 

That said, while you can and should assert your rights if necessary, you were told a month ago your own father might need the place to stay. You confirmed in November with your father that he would have to. You've been living well below market rate for what, three years? What's going on with a dual-income, childless couple where they can't save up for their own place, even if including a pet deposit? If you need your 30 days, assert your 30 days. You've got legal authority to dig your heels in. As far as any moral high ground goes, I'd consider it exhausted come Jan. 1st.

 

Just be decent people. No bridges need burning here.

 

We haven't saved due to old debt we've been paying off, including car and medical bills. I was without a car of my own until a year ago so I spent money Ubering to work until my sister gave me her old car.

 

His wages are $10 and hour. Mine at my retail store is $13 but I only get 20 hours a week, sometimes less, which is why I have 2 different side hustles in areas that I am passionate about.

 

I don't want to burn bridges. My sister has already done so with the both of them years ago. (long story)

 

She's the only grandparent I have and he's the only parent I have left.

 

And I'm the only daughter that will even speak to him and same for my grandma. We're a very divided family, unfortunately.

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That's some sweet deal you got there for a few years. The party's over. Rent for $600?! I can see it from both sides. Your dad should have saved his money but both of you should have also. I'd bow out respectfully and let them work it out (mother and son). It doesn't matter what your dad does. The real issue, to me, is both of you should never have rested easy in this studio apartment for long. It was a ticking time bomb. Wouldn't you rather be out on your own and off your grandmother's property eventually? That would have been my goal.

 

You can go through the hassle of fighting for the place and asserting your rights, prolonging the inevitable and wasting your energy about how irresponsible your dad is and how unfair your grandmother is but it won't change the facts. Your dad can't find a place and he's moving in. Those are your family dynamics. We don't get to choose the types of people we have for family so there you have it. I'd take this as a lesson learned, move forwards and find a place that accepts a small four legged pet cat and lower your expectations. This means finding a basement suite or somewhere out of the way if you want to have your cake and eat it too - pet, lower rent/within budget, stress-free living.

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Without commenting on the familial part of all this. You had a really, really cheap living arrangement--cat included.

 

I recommend a two-pronged plan for your future. Plus, a sobering assessment of what to do with the cat.

 

1. You flat-out need more money than the two of you currently earn. And the only way to get there is with better job training. Have you considered getting school loans and attending a community college? Get job counseling at the local college and assess what would get you at least double your current income levels. There may be financial aid besides loans available.

 

2. Find a creative way in the short-term to stay where you are. Make yourself useful! Start doing fixit chores there. Any deferred maintenance, repairs needed? If you are not mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, start. Including in grandma's house. And while doing that? Look for a new living arrangement.

 

OK, about the cat. As much as you love your pet, and I even have a cat and have had numerous dogs, you must consider rehoming it.

 

Your ability to find a place to live is unreasonably held hostage to this pet.

 

Yes, i get it. You're attached to the cat. How could anyone suggest you let it go?

 

Because having a pet is preventing you from moving forward.

 

You need a better full time job, a new place to live, and to get away in the long-term from being a hostage to the whims of your relatives.

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Have you or your husband considered going back to school and getting a degree of some kind? Your wages are not sustainable.

 

Why arent you working full time?

 

He's thinking about trade school.

 

We're both college drop outs.

 

I was going for journalism but I decided not to pursue that.

 

I was working 35 hours a week with no benefits until earlier this year, but they cut hours when they increased wages.

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When my hours were cut, I applied to other full time jobs and in the meantime started working on my passions which are writing and performing. University wouldn't benefit me for what I want to do. I am planning to enroll in an ICF credited coaching program, however.

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