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Haven't been on a date in a long time

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Hi, I'm not sure if this thread should be under "Dating Advice" but I'll explain myself.


TLDR; 24 year old expat living in Amsterdam. Haven't been on a date in a really long time and I can't seem to get any female attention. No matter what I try.


I'm 24 years old. I broke up with my girlfriend of two years around 1 year ago while I was studying abroad for my masters degree. I went through a pretty hard time but after a couple of months I felt like I was ready to start seeing other people (not necessarily to get into anything serious but at least going out and getting to know new people). However during this time I was very very busy with my masters to the extent that I didn't have time to date at all. I didn't even have time to socialize so I spent 99% of my time inside working on my thesis and then hanging out with my housemates in the evening which meant I wasn't meeting new people and making new friends. My housemates are a couple (which is fine) and all of their friends are also couples so when I do hangout with them I enjoy myself because they're nice people but also I feel a bit out of place (not sure if this makes sense).


Now my studies are finished, I've started working, and started going to the gym regularly (3-4 times a week). I've started to go out more by trying to hang out with colleagues and going out to bars and clubs on the weekends. However, I'm having a really difficult time getting in contact with any woman. When I'm out I don't feel shy and not talk to women (of course I'm not being weird and creepy and chatting up every woman I see etc.) but usually it doesn't lead anywhere. I'm living in Amsterdam (but I'm not Dutch) and one thing I've noticed is that as soon as women notice that I don't speak Dutch they kind of dismiss me but I find this really weird because almost all the people I speak to can speak fluent English. I'm trying to learn the language but it's not like I can master it in a couple of months. I try using dating apps as well (tinder, hinge, happn) but they're really not working for me. I get a good amount of matches on them but I seriously can't get any form of reply on these apps. I take the time to look at the women's profile to not just send "hi" but I'm also not over the top and even so nothing I'm trying works. I just never get a reply back from any of these women on these apps.


I've never had an issue like this before. When I was in my home country I could get a date if I wanted to and I had spent some time living in the UK and didn't have this issue at all. Don't get me wrong I'm not the type of guy who wants to be going out on a million dates but I like to go out on one once in a while. I try not to think about it that much but it does bring me down sometimes because I'm thinking that either I'm doing something wrong or there's something wrong with me that I haven't taken notice of yet. I feel like I'm missing out and that I'm kind of invisible because in general I see people around me having some form of romantic attention but I'm not getting any and it's been this way for months now.


I'm sure other people have been in this situation and I'd like some advice on how to change things. Right now I'm just focusing on other things like work, the gym, trying to go on short trips, go out etc. But I'm always feeling like there's something missing and it gets me down.

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Unfortunately they may view you as just passing through. You need to get involved socially more not just bars, clubs, gyms, dating apps. Take some local courses or classes. Tutor English. Volunteer. Get a part-time local job. Start getting a working understanding of the language. Do something that isn't just trying to pick up women. Go to places regularly and observe the culture and speak to strangers in Dutch. Don't expect people to strain talking to you when you don't understand the culture and don't speak the language.

I'm living in Amsterdam (but I'm not Dutch) and one thing I've noticed is that as soon as women notice that I don't speak Dutch they kind of dismiss me but I find this really weird because almost all the people I speak to can speak fluent English.
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Well I work in the Netherlands and I try to be more socially active but I get what you're saying. I think the issue I'm having is that I feel that it isn't normal at my age to be in such a situation in terms of dating. Maybe I have the wrong idea though. I'm trying to learn the language and I'm always interested in learning the culture because I understand that I need to make effort to integrate properly.

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It's ok! You just have to remain positive, keep doing your thing and don't let this get you too down. Making connections isn't always easy. Go into all your interactions with a clear head and that feel-good energy and you'll naturally attract people who are likeminded.


Give it a break if you're not feeling good about the whole thing. Give your mind a rest from the topic and start focusing on you - find more of your passions. Why not work towards getting your own place? What about PR? Those are tangible things you can work towards.


I don't know about you but I wouldn't be a good partner if I was still working towards those other items. I'd be down on myself too, distracted and a little spread thin because of other things I'd want more than being in a relationship or dating. If your heart isn't in it, that's completely fine. Go back to the drawing board and start prioritizing what's important for you. It might create more direction and motivation and you might feel better about yourself overall.

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I haven't had a shag in 9 years :eek:


I must of won this one


Listen buddy just live your best life , been there in Amsterdam , going to the gym , hanging out with colleagues , you have it all going on , it will click into place eventually with the ladies .....just enjoy what and who you are right now , cos it sounds like a fab life .

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