vaxxter510 Posted November 30, 2019 Share Posted November 30, 2019 I have been in a 3 year relationship with my wife, and things have moved fast. We now have 2 adorable girls 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 year old. My wife has 2 kids from 2 previous relationships, 22 and 16 year old. The oldest lives with her dad and the 16 Y/O with his dad. My wife grew up in the USA, I grew up in Colombia, and when our first daughter was born we decided to bring my mom over from Colombia to help us with babysitting the girls. Not 2 weeks after she arrived, my wife and I were having problems over her. It seems like anything that has to do with my mom irritated her, from the way she would take care of the kids to me saying hello to her. It came to the point that I could not sit next to my mom or talk to her for too long because it would turn into a reason for distance and cold shoulder. My wife keeps claiming that I give my mom too much attention, that we look like a married couple, that we talk negative gossip about her behind her back. She could not be further from the truth. I asked my mom to back up and to minimize communication with me because my wife was sensitive about it for some reason. Later on I find out from my wife that one of her previous mother's in law had been extremely rude to her for years and took action to undermine her in multiple occasions but that was not the case this time. We ended up in a super uncomfortable home environment where my mom was more treated like a maid who couldn't leave her room, and due to the lack of transportation and her not knowing any english, she was unable to do things on her own. My mom's health started to deteriorate due to anxiety and digestive problems and even taking her to the doctor or emergency room became a reason for my wife to turn cold, distant and rude with me. Eventually things got so bad that after a year and a half I had to ask my mom to move out, luckily, I know people who were willing to grant her a couch to sleep on and helped her find a job. Fast forward 10 months, my mom is doing well, she has a job and a place to live comfortably. But me and my wife still have many fights over her. Since she moved out, she has seen my daughters a handful of times. Mostly when the girls get sick and we can't send them to daycare and have no babysitter. In that case it's okay for my wife that she "visits" the girls. When they're sick. Every other occasion I try to spare time for the girls to be with her grandma becomes a fight. In the meantime, my wife's family are always welcome to visit, stay and hangout with the girls. One of our most ridiculous fights was when my mom was admitted to the ER because of a digestive issue for which she had surgery. She was alone, in pain and none of the medical personnel spoke spanish. I knew it was going to be a fight with my wife, but I told her I would go to the hospital just for a few hours to get things sorted out and she actually seemed to be okay with it. When I came back home, once again, cold shoulder, argument and silence that lasted for days as usual, with her pretext that bad memories came back from all of our arguments and therefore she got mad at me when I went to the hospital. Like this example we had dozens of arguments. I don't think we can go more than 3 weeks okay. We tried counseling about this and other issues (sigh...there is more). But that didn't work either. Before this beef with my mom, my wife accused me several times from hitting on women, and to have a thing going on with a female friend who I know for 12 years and never had anything with. For the sake of our marriage I when ghost on my friend. And everyone else. I cut off completely from my small social circle to please her and even though I thought it was unfair, I got over it because nothing matters more than having my family together, being every day with my daughters and of course my wife. I have not talked to my friend in over six months, yet I'm still accused of being in touch secretly, with 0 evidence. I am not. Today my wife went through my phone, and found texts with my mom regarding small stuff. Helping her arrange a flight, talk about my brother's birthday and my sister's graduation. no big deal. She accused me of not keeping her in the loop with my life and to choose my mom over her and many other things.... Of course my parents can tell when I'm having a rough time, they know me well. But I don't go around complaining about our issues to them or anyone. I have only shared this with the 2 counselors, and an old friend whom I contacted to vent out. On her side, I know for a fact she has shared our marriage problems with over a dozen people including her kids, siblings, parents, friends, co-workers. Her sister is her number one go to person and I feel like she poison's my wife's mind with all types of negativity. My wife has told everyone around her about our issues including people I don't know. Including the father of her son.... I'm sad to admit that I'm giving up on us. I did love this woman a lot more than I do now after sooo many fights. What hurts the most is that I feel like I'm giving up on our girls. by not giving them the chance to grow up with a mom and dad at home. I grew up without my dad and promised my self if I ever had kids I would not leave them. But I've had to give up a lot of who I am, and change completely to please her. To not piss her off. I'm always walking on eggshells and don't know what to do anymore. I am far from perfect, but man, I think I'm dealing with something beyond normal marriage issues here. Sorry for the long page. I would appreciate any feedback. Link to comment
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