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Boyfriend travelling for 2 months


Nae alone

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So I said goodbye to my boyfriend this morning after having spent nearly everyday together for the past 2 and a half years. We have been on many holidays and experienced so much together. Although we are only 18 we are deeply in love and have never been apart for more than 10 days. So when he told me he was leaving to travel around Australia for 6/7 weeks with a friend from work I was heart broken. I do have a lot of trust in him and I know he loves me so much visa versa, however I can’t help but overthink the whole situation like is he going to cheat, is he going to forget about me , is he going to want me back etc. I haven’t stopped crying since I left him this morning and I can’t help but worry about how I am going to cope. Although he’s told me I have nothing to worry about and that he loves me so much i just feel sick to my stomach about being alone for the next 6/7 weeks (he gets back January 14th) meaning he’s also away for Christmas. I’m not sure what I’m looking for by writing this on here but I just had to get it out and search for some comfort/ people with previous experience and how the dealt with it. He doesn’t seem worried at all and says it’s because he knows there is nothing to worry about but I just can’t help but feel so empty.also there is an 11 hour time difference so speaking is going to be difficult:( we’ve said we will talk twice a day morning and night but I’m just scared it isn’t going to work yet I love him so much and don’t want it to end.

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What are your choices here? If your boyfriend wants to be unfaithful to you, no amount of crying, worrying, and feeling sick to your stomach is going to stop him from being unfaithful. So you can either trust him or not trust him. If you don't trust him, you've wasted two and half years of your life.

 

By the way, if he's 18 years old, how is he able to afford this extravagant holiday?

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I do trust him, and he has such an honest loving character which is why I fell for him in the first place. You are correct and I know that know matter how much I cry it isn’t going to change anything it’s just hard to suck it up like he has I suppose women deal with things completely differently to men. It’s harder for me than him tho as I have constant reminders of him here while he will be so distracted having a wonderful time. I’m just so scared he’s going to cheat or just forget about what we have back here. I over analyse everything :(((( it’s also the lack of communication we’re going to have that I’m struggling to come to terms with especially as we’re such affectionate people who convey our feelings in person better than over message/ Skype.

 

 

He’s able to afford it as he works such long hours over harvest being a farmer and gets paid a very good wage. Also he has a lot of financial support from his family.

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Now would be a good time to bring more balance to your life. Your post suggests your life is quite centered around him. It's normal to miss someone but I am sensing that you might not have much else going on in your life if you're this upset about him leaving temporarily.

 

He's off exploring one of his interests - what are yours? What do you do for fun, and who else do you spend time with apart from him? That is where you should be redirecting your energy so you're not spending all your time being sad.

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Honestly I have so much respect for you and the fact you were able to do that. It makes me look so stupid that I’m getting so worked up and emotional over 6 1/2 weeks away from each other when you’ve been through such a long time. I honestly will never understand how you managed.

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Honestly I have so much respect for you and the fact you were able to do that. It makes me look so stupid that I’m getting so worked up and emotional over 6 1/2 weeks away from each other when you’ve been through such a long time. I honestly will never understand how you managed.

 

You are not stupid it is a learning curve. You will get through it. I am just used to it after 30 years . It is hard but there is nothing to do but go forward .

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Is he traveling with a female friend? Is that why you are so worried about him cheating?

When did he inform you of his plan? Was it a few days before his departure or did he let you know well ahead? Did you have plans to spend Christmas together originally?

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No he’s travelling with a male work friend who he’s close with which almost makes it worse because his friend is single and 21 and the type to want to go to bars and get with girls. I’ve known he was going for around 3/4 months but I wasn’t expecting the day to come soon and almost expected it not to happen at all. We always said we’d spend this Christmas at home with my family as we were with his for the past two years but obviously that won’t be happening now :(

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Is he traveling with a female friend? Is that why you are so worried about him cheating?

When did he inform you of his plan? Was it a few days before his departure or did he let you know well ahead? Did you have plans to spend Christmas together originally?

No he’s travelling with a male work friend who he’s close with which almost makes it worse because his friend is single and 21 and the type to want to go to bars and get with girls. I’ve known he was going for around 3/4 months but I wasn’t expecting the day to come soon and almost expected it not to happen at all. We always said we’d spend this Christmas at home with my family as we were with his for the past two years but obviously that won’t be happening now :(

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I remember a Christmas my husband was away and I cried the entire 3 hour drive to my mom’s with my child, 3 cats and two Guinea pigs in tow. So you are not alone. Take heart.

 

It’s just so crazy hard and I feel like I want to close my eyes and wake up when he gets home :( I don’t know how you done it for such a long time!!!!

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You will survive this and it will make you stronger as a person. You need to fill your life with your own friends and family, get busy with activities and dont sit around moaning and crying about how lonely you feel or you will never move on with your life. Two months seems an eternity at 18 but it's not. It's really a blip in your life tho I dont expect you to understand that yet.

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You seem very dependent on him for support and friendship. I think it's a good idea for both of you to practice being apart. Enjoy, go out, spend time with friends and family.

 

A hard lesson I learned at your age was that you can't own anyone. No one can own you either or control your actions or your thoughts or your desires. You can't control those things about a person and you especially cannot control the future no matter how much you plan for it to a T. Leave room for surprises and take each day as it comes. I'd ease up on that grip you have over him in your mind. No relationship can sustain itself over a long period with so little wiggle room or room for independence/movement. Everything will be ok and you will be ok.

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OP it's understandable that you feel the way you do... I imagine myself feeling the very same way if my BF were to leave for two months to go travelling!

 

This will be a good time for you to throw yourself into fun activities, doing nice things for yourself, spending plenty of time with friends and family. Do lots of self care and fun things and if you miss him or feel lonely that's totally okay... you will realize just how strong you are and before you know it he will be back.

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No he’s travelling with a male work friend who he’s close with which almost makes it worse because his friend is single and 21 and the type to want to go to bars and get with girls. I’ve known he was going for around 3/4 months but I wasn’t expecting the day to come soon and almost expected it not to happen at all. We always said we’d spend this Christmas at home with my family as we were with his for the past two years but obviously that won’t be happening now :(

 

Thanks. I was asking as those can be important factors that contributed to your upset/anxiety/disappointment. It sounds like he communicated his plan with you fairly early on. Did you let him know that you'd miss him and wished that you could spend Christmas with him, in a way that wouldn't come across as accusing him of abandoning or potentially cheating on you? If he was still planning the trip back then, perhaps he would have taken that into consideration and come back for Christmas etc.

 

That said, as long as you are in a relationship, there will be times when you are apart for longer periods than you'd both like, and there will be times when he's hanging out with single guys who might be getting with girls. Other posters here gave very good advice regarding trust. If he hasn't given you reasons to feel otherwise, trust that he will act with integrity and respect for your relationship. This is the man you chose and love, so assume the best of him. If he is not all that trustworthy, time will tell. In the meantime, trust your own ability to be happy in his absence. Catch up with friends and family. Learn stuff that you've always wanted to learn. Spend more time on your hobbies and meet new people. Keep in touch with your boyfriend and stay positive. See this as a test for both of you and an opportunity to expand your own life. If he would forget you over 6/7 weeks, how can you expect him to stay by your side for the years or decades to come? And if everything goes well (as it should), you have many more Christmas to share in future.

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You will survive this and it will make you stronger as a person. You need to fill your life with your own friends and family, get busy with activities and dont sit around moaning and crying about how lonely you feel or you will never move on with your life. Two months seems an eternity at 18 but it's not. It's really a blip in your life tho I dont expect you to understand that yet.

 

I know it’s not a long time and everyone around me has said the exact same as you! I know I’m only 18 and it seems like it’s going to be an eternity of not seeing him! It’s so difficult but thank you for your perspective on the situation it’s appreciated

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You seem very dependent on him for support and friendship. I think it's a good idea for both of you to practice being apart. Enjoy, go out, spend time with friends and family.

 

A hard lesson I learned at your age was that you can't own anyone. No one can own you either or control your actions or your thoughts or your desires. You can't control those things about a person and you especially cannot control the future no matter how much you plan for it to a T. Leave room for surprises and take each day as it comes. I'd ease up on that grip you have over him in your mind. No relationship can sustain itself over a long period with so little wiggle room or room for independence/movement. Everything will be ok and you will be ok.

 

It’s so difficult to come to terms with the fact he may not be in my life forever as we are so young. We both very much rely on each other as you have stated and I am fully aware of this and I know that needs to change it’s just because we’re each other’s emotional support and we are so close that we’ve gotten to a point where we only want each other. But I understand we need to break away from this and learn to be apart I’m just not sure how to achieve this :( it also makes me sad that he’s able to break away and do such a thing and I’m envious of him although proud and happy for him at the same time. It’s just a worry that maybe just maybe I love him more than he loves me

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OP it's understandable that you feel the way you do... I imagine myself feeling the very same way if my BF were to leave for two months to go travelling!

 

This will be a good time for you to throw yourself into fun activities, doing nice things for yourself, spending plenty of time with friends and family. Do lots of self care and fun things and if you miss him or feel lonely that's totally okay... you will realize just how strong you are and before you know it he will be back.

I know travelling is a huge part of a lot of people’s lives and he’s going to need to do this to make sure he doesn’t look back and regret not doing it. I don’t want that burden on my shoulders. It’s just the first taste I’ve had of feeling so alone and empty. And with the time difference I’m scared we won’t keep in contact enough to ensure the relationship is maintained:(

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Thanks. I was asking as those can be important factors that contributed to your upset/anxiety/disappointment. It sounds like he communicated his plan with you fairly early on. Did you let him know that you'd miss him and wished that you could spend Christmas with him, in a way that wouldn't come across as accusing him of abandoning or potentially cheating on you? If he was still planning the trip back then, perhaps he would have taken that into consideration and come back for Christmas etc.

 

That said, as long as you are in a relationship, there will be times when you are apart for longer periods than you'd both like, and there will be times when he's hanging out with single guys who might be getting with girls. Other posters here gave very good advice regarding trust. If he hasn't given you reasons to feel otherwise, trust that he will act with integrity and respect for your relationship. This is the man you chose and love, so assume the best of him. If he is not all that trustworthy, time will tell. In the meantime, trust your own ability to be happy in his absence. Catch up with friends and family. Learn stuff that you've always wanted to learn. Spend more time on your hobbies and meet new people. Keep in touch with your boyfriend and stay positive. See this as a test for both of you and an opportunity to expand your own life. If he would forget you over 6/7 weeks, how can you expect him to stay by your side for the years or decades to come? And if everything goes well (as it should), you have many more Christmas to share in future.

 

He obviously knew that it wasnt going to make me happy knowing he wasn’t going to be around for such a long time or for Christmas. However with his work he’s busy all throughout summer with harvest so the only time he’s able to go is over the groggy winter period which is what he conveyed to me when I told him I would really miss not spending Christmas with him. He told me this is something he has to do while he has the chance so he doesn’t regret anything in our future, and I also don’t want that burden on my shoulders knowing I was stood in the way so I understand completely where his head is at. I know I need to trust him and have more faith than I do in him I’m just struggling as this is the first taste of emptiness I’ve felt and I’ve never spent more than 6 nights alone without him since I was 15...... which I know is bad. My biggest fear has always been getting cheated on and there is going to be so many beautiful girls in Australia that will be all over him because he’s drop dead gorgeous!however the people closest to me who know his character very well all tell me I have nothing to worry about however I can’t help but assume the worst or over analyse every situation:( thank you for helping me get some perspective on the situation it’s really helping !

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He obviously knew that it wasnt going to make me happy knowing he wasn’t going to be around for such a long time or for Christmas. However with his work he’s busy all throughout summer with harvest so the only time he’s able to go is over the groggy winter period which is what he conveyed to me when I told him I would really miss not spending Christmas with him. He told me this is something he has to do while he has the chance so he doesn’t regret anything in our future, and I also don’t want that burden on my shoulders knowing I was stood in the way so I understand completely where his head is at. I know I need to trust him and have more faith than I do in him I’m just struggling as this is the first taste of emptiness I’ve felt and I’ve never spent more than 6 nights alone without him since I was 15...... which I know is bad. My biggest fear has always been getting cheated on however the people closest to me who know his character very well all tell me I have nothing to worry about however I can’t help but assume the worst or over analyse every situation:( thank you for helping me get some perspective on the situation it’s really helping !

 

Hugs. It is all very understandable. Though I'm sure you don't want to spoil his hard-earned vacation, so try not to take it out on him. Start making your own holiday plans. Plan something to do for each day, to the hour if needed. Take it one day at a time, and you might be surprised how well you cope after a week or two.

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Look, I hate to be negative, but the truth is that he's 18 years old, and my guess is that he's not quite ready to commit to a permanent relationship yet. IF he hasn't seen much of the world, this trip is going to open his eyes to a myriad of possibilities, and it wouldn't surprise me if it changes his world view. He may find temptation. At his age and position in life, that's a reality you have to accept.

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