Dash40 Posted November 25, 2019 Share Posted November 25, 2019 If you were looking at me from the outside, you'd probably think that I was happy. I'm 19, I go to college, am joining a fraternity, and I have some close friends back home. However, I feel like no matter what I do, I can't form new meaningful relationships. I have been feeling kind of depressed since my ex girlfriend broke up with me close to a year ago, and I'm starting to feel as though I'm never going to meet someone who will want to be with me ever again. I struggle with confidence as I have never felt that I was good enough, and I have always subconsciously sought after approval from others. I have been working out for just under a year now to try to build my confidence somehow and I do feel better about myself, but I still can't talk to girls, so I just don't even try. I don't really get any joy from my life and I find that anxiety and depression follow me around wherever I go. The times in my life where I have always felt good about myself was while I was playing football in high school, that is where I was most confident and I didn't feel like I wasn't good enough. Those days are over, so I have replaced football with the gym. That is where I feel best about myself now, I don't have to try to prove anything to anyone, and I can just put in earbuds and block out the world for a little bit. I've begun thinking about joining the armed forces because worst case scenario I don't make it home and I don't have to worry about this stuff anymore. Best case scenario I make something of myself. I know that might sound crass, but I honestly just feel empty to the point that nothing matters to me. I know that I'm young but I don't feel like I'm going to be able to build connections with people in my life, especially women. I feel alone, empty, and it really doesn't seem like this will go away. I have done work on myself to try and build confidence but I feel like no matter how much I do it will never be enough. I don't want to be alone for my whole life, but I feel like I'm going to be that way forever because I have felt that way for as long as I can remember. I don't know what I'm going to do, but you're input would be appreciated. Thanks for reading. Link to comment
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