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I feel so empty


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If you were looking at me from the outside, you'd probably think that I was happy. I'm 19, I go to college, am joining a fraternity, and I have some close friends back home. However, I feel like no matter what I do, I can't form new meaningful relationships. I have been feeling kind of depressed since my ex girlfriend broke up with me close to a year ago, and I'm starting to feel as though I'm never going to meet someone who will want to be with me ever again.


I struggle with confidence as I have never felt that I was good enough, and I have always subconsciously sought after approval from others. I have been working out for just under a year now to try to build my confidence somehow and I do feel better about myself, but I still can't talk to girls, so I just don't even try. I don't really get any joy from my life and I find that anxiety and depression follow me around wherever I go. The times in my life where I have always felt good about myself was while I was playing football in high school, that is where I was most confident and I didn't feel like I wasn't good enough. Those days are over, so I have replaced football with the gym. That is where I feel best about myself now, I don't have to try to prove anything to anyone, and I can just put in earbuds and block out the world for a little bit.


I've begun thinking about joining the armed forces because worst case scenario I don't make it home and I don't have to worry about this stuff anymore. Best case scenario I make something of myself. I know that might sound crass, but I honestly just feel empty to the point that nothing matters to me.


I know that I'm young but I don't feel like I'm going to be able to build connections with people in my life, especially women. I feel alone, empty, and it really doesn't seem like this will go away. I have done work on myself to try and build confidence but I feel like no matter how much I do it will never be enough. I don't want to be alone for my whole life, but I feel like I'm going to be that way forever because I have felt that way for as long as I can remember.


I don't know what I'm going to do, but you're input would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

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Sorry to hear this. Make a private and confidential appt with the counselor on campus. You may need some support, just someone to talk to or a physical by a physician. Adjusting and feeling blue sometimes are fine but if you are withdrawing this much and have self-defeating circular thoughts like this, reach out to a professional and confide. Dating wouldn't solve all your problems.

I still can't talk to girls, so I just don't even try. I don't really get any joy from my life and I find that anxiety and depression follow me around wherever I go.
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Your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus. Since you've paid for it already, why not use the services?


While grief over a breakup can lift on its own, sometimes it brings about an acute form of depression--which is different from sadness, it's actually a depressed physical condition--mood is only one side effect. Sometimes acute depression can lift on it's own, other times it settles into a chronic condition. But it's treatable, so it makes no sense to white-knuckle your way through life. Ask the counselor for an assessment and a referral for treatment, and continue to work with her or him to monitor your progress and to help you with the social aspects of university life.


It's not wise to make any life-changing commitments during this time. Treat first, then you can ask questions later.


Head high, and I hope you'll stay in touch with us.

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