Jump to content

I want to propose but I have doubts


larryburst

Recommended Posts

Hi all,

 

I was on here years and years ago and have been thinking how much it helped last time. I’ve been in a 4 year long, long distance relationship with a lovely woman. She is kind, gentle, incredibly patient, loving, generous, and sincere. The doubt throughout the years has been that I don’t find her as attractive as I do so many others. It makes me feel terrible thinking about it but I can’t deny it. I bought a ring but I am having doubts because of this. I don’t think it’s fair for her but I also wonder if the feelings will change once we’re together. She is amazing and sometimes o feel like I’m being dumb, that I have an unhealthy mindset and it’s not reality, and I’ve gotten myself in knots in my head. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi all,

 

I was on here years and years ago and have been thinking how much it helped last time. I’ve been in a 4 year long, long distance relationship with a lovely woman. She is kind, gentle, incredibly patient, loving, generous, and sincere. The doubt throughout the years has been that I don’t find her as attractive as I do so many others. It makes me feel terrible thinking about it but I can’t deny it. I bought a ring but I am having doubts because of this. I don’t think it’s fair for her but I also wonder if the feelings will change once we’re together. She is amazing and sometimes o feel like I’m being dumb, that I have an unhealthy mindset and it’s not reality, and I’ve gotten myself in knots in my head. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

How long were you in the relationship before it became long distance?

 

How frequently do you see each other in person?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally, if I knew my bf looked at me and thought, "Meh," I would rather he break up with me so I could meet a guy who who loves looking at me with a glimmer of desire in his eyes.

 

There have been guys who have been so kind and I assumed they'd make great bf's, but I lacked the chemistry I wished I'd had for them. What you have is a friendship, and it doesn't translate to the lifetime romantic partnership everyone deserves. That special spark should be there. That's a big sacrifice for yourself when you have only one life to live on this planet, unless reincarnation exists.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally, if I knew my bf looked at me and thought, "Meh," I would rather he break up with me so I could meet a guy who who loves looking at me with a glimmer of desire in his eyes.

 

There have been guys who have been so kind and I assumed they'd make great bf's, but I lacked the chemistry I wished I'd had for them. What you have is a friendship, and it doesn't translate to the lifetime romantic partnership everyone deserves. That special spark should be there. That's a big sacrifice for yourself when you have only one life to live on this planet, unless reincarnation exists.

 

 

That is very well put!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally, if I knew my bf looked at me and thought, "Meh," I would rather he break up with me so I could meet a guy who who loves looking at me with a glimmer of desire in his eyes.

 

There have been guys who have been so kind and I assumed they'd make great bf's, but I lacked the chemistry I wished I'd had for them. What you have is a friendship, and it doesn't translate to the lifetime romantic partnership everyone deserves. That special spark should be there. That's a big sacrifice for yourself when you have only one life to live on this planet, unless reincarnation exists.

 

Thank you. You’re right, what we have is a friendship. A close amazing friendship that brings out the best in both of us, something I wish we could keep building and see where it leads. There isn’t the anticipation of her touch, the strong desire to be intimate. I know that’s important, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t feel this way, but it also just doesn’t feel good. I’m tying myself in knots because I want so bad to be sexually attracted to her and live happily ever after. I’m so damn afraid of losing her but I don’t want to drag this on any longer, it’s not fair for her. But I do sincerely love her and I wish so much I felt different. I’m getting on a plane to see her in 2 days.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you. You’re right, what we have is a friendship. A close amazing friendship that brings out the best in both of us, something I wish we could keep building and see where it leads. There isn’t the anticipation of her touch, the strong desire to be intimate. I know that’s important, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t feel this way, but it also just doesn’t feel good. I’m tying myself in knots because I want so bad to be sexually attracted to her and live happily ever after. I’m so damn afraid of losing her but I don’t want to drag this on any longer, it’s not fair for her. But I do sincerely love her and I wish so much I felt different. I’m getting on a plane to see her in 2 days.

 

Ummm well up to you of course but if you're not sexually attracted to her then it does just mean you like her only as a friend. You've had enough time with her to know if you are physically into her or not. To marry someone you have to love them romantically, no? I love my close friends but I'm not "in love" with them. There's a difference.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I’ve been in a 4 year long, long distance relationship with a lovely woman. She is kind, gentle, incredibly patient, loving, generous, and sincere. The doubt throughout the years has been that I don’t find her as attractive as I do so many others.

 

Is this the ex from 2013?

 

I only ask because that relationship ended due to straying so I’m wondering if there is any correlation.

 

I can’t see how one would even consider marriage if not physically attracted to their partner. Unless you plan to have a celibate marriage, how do you think the non-physical attraction will affect the two of you from connecting sexually?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You said you are not really physically attracted to her... But how would you rate yourself in the looks department?

 

I do not see why that is relevant.

 

People want to be physically attracted to their partners, whether they themselves are physically attractive or not.

 

LOL yes because every unattractive man is entitled to a perfect 10 supermodel.

 

I guess I don't understand this: "I don’t find her as attractive as I do so many others." There are always going to be people more conventionally attractive out there, does that mean that every time you find one of these you dump your current partner to pursue that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...