lizardo55 Posted November 24, 2019 Share Posted November 24, 2019 Going to try and start with back story: Me - 33F Him: 35F met online - I'm an engineer and I started really struggling with my career during the beginning of our relationship. I ended up getting a career coach about 8 months in to find a new job. I had some really tough days throughout our relationship with my work and heavily leaned on him for support. I truly appreciate him being there for me during this time. He was a bar manager at the beginning of our relationship, and I thought also looking for a career change. I had reservations about him working in a bar due to past relationship that included cheating, abuse (mental and physical). I voiced these concerns early on and he decided to switch careers into real estate. I was still very hesitant on the relationship in the beginning due to our different schedules and financially - if we had the same values. I had a lot of anxiety about our future financially that I would bring up often. Also, the two of us had an instant connection when we met - we have the same humor, we truly had a chemical connection to each other, that was never an issue the entire relationship. Fast forward 2 years later - we got engaged in October (truly best weekend of my life), and then he broke up with me about a week ago. There are many reasons for the break up - he said he is severely depressed and has anxiety. He says he can't be in this relationship or any relationship until he figures out himself and what he truly wants for himself. He says he doesn't know if we wants kids anymore (I do). He said that he went into the relationship in the beginning taking on all my feelings and my dreams. He gave up being a bar manager for me (from my reservations). He gave up playing music, hanging out with his friends, etc.. and basically took on my life. I remember this in the beginning being strange he didn't hang with his friends, but I thought he just enjoyed hanging with me and my friends. He also said I am not compassionate enough for what he needs especially with his depression. A few months prior, he had told me he was at his breaking point and I didn't fully know what that meant. I don't think I dismissed it, but I didn't address it fully. Financials were also a problem - He said he felt like he was working towards our goals we talked about - but I didn't feel that way. I wanted to open a joint account together and work together on a goal. He said that if I wanted that, I should have come to him with the bank info, etc. He also said that he didn't feel like he was enough in the relationship. I'm struggling with that part because most men I've been with have said this to me. I'm looking for input/advice... him telling me he doesn't feel good enough and other men - is this me having expectations that are too high or are we just not right for each other? Am I seeing this relationship through rose colored glasses and there clearly are issues between us? I want the best for him and his healing, but i think these issues could have been worked on. I am completely heartbroken. We've talked a few times since the breakup, he's still living at my place, but I've gone to be with family -- there is no room for reconciliation. He keeps telling me something in him is missing that he needs to figure out what it is. In addition, any advice for moving on after a broken engagement would be very helpful. Link to comment
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