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my co worker and I spent the summer getting pretty close. Some of our coworkers think we’re dating, all of them think we like each other a lot - when he’s in the office he’s constantly at my desk, he even joined my sand volleyball team this summer. He’s always finding reasons to be at my desk or in the same places I am. Unfortunately, he put in his two weeks and is leaving our company. I don’t have the guts to ask him out (and that won’t change), but I have told him several times I don’t want him to leave and it’d be miserable if he left, he’s also told me he doesn’t want to leave bc he likes working here (but he has to). I’ve always gone by the rule of - if he wants to ask me out, he will. Am I wrong?

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What does he mean he has to? Is he being forced out (poor performance review in the last review) for wasting time and chatting too much flirting with coworkers? Or does he have another job lined up (offered and accepted a position elsewhere)? Ie. Not jobless.

 

I ask because your level of interest should be directly related to what kind of man he is (whether you care or not if he asks you out should be related to what kind of man he is). I don't think it's a good idea to think of starting any romance with a person who needs to work on him/herself. This means getting a career back on track or finding a job.

 

Cajoling him into staying in this company tells me that it doesn't sound like you know him very well either. Otherwise you'd be supporting his choices if you felt he's capable of making sound choices in the first place. 1) you either don't know him very well or 2) he has a track history of not making good choices. Which one is it?

 

What are his reasons for leaving the company?

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Stay in touch via social media. See what happens after he leaves. Do you know if he has a gf?

my co worker and I spent the summer getting pretty close. he put in his two weeks and is leaving our company. I don’t have the guts to ask him outI’ve always gone by the rule of - if he wants to ask me out, he will.
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He is leaving because he is being talk being advantage. I do support him leaving I just also don’t want him to go.

 

Let him go. If he doesn't have a job lined up or sounds confused about what he's doing he needs to figure himself out. You can leave your contact with him but if you've been hanging out all summer, he likely already has your cellphone number.

 

I wouldn't get my hopes up with him because he needs to work on himself now that he's out of a job.

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"Hey before you leave lets go for lunch or drinks after..." then give him your number, and say "keep in touch, maybe we can hang out sometime". If he doesn't take the bait, then there is something wrong with him, or is not interested.

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Before he leaves exchange phone numbers and remain in contact. Ask to meet him for lunch sometime. Establish friendship first and get to know him better. You may or may not like everything about his personality and character. Observe, take good mental notes and take it from there. Be nice but tread cautiously.

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I did this with a co-worker a few years ago that I ended up going out with a few times.

 

Write your number on a piece of paper and say, before you go here's my number. Let's keep in touch :)'

 

 

He ended up texting me and asking me out.

You don't need to ask them out. I think it's better to leave it to the guy.

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Well if you think phone number is too close to comfort, ask him for his new work email address.

 

The only reason why I suggest this is because I used to work with this guy. We always had great chemistry and there were attraction. We both knew we were both single but neither one of us wanted to make the move. Well right before he left he sent a mass email and gave everyone his new work email address. I bumped in to him years later at a grocery store and he asked why I never emailed him. I apologized and he laughed and said "I was hoping you would have emailed me so I could have asked you out."

 

It was sweet and wow if I was single, I would have been so happy. Sadly I was with someone (who is now my husband) when we bumped in to each other. So if giving your phone number is too close to comfort, ask him for his work email address so you can keep bugging him.

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if he doesn’t ask me it’s obviously because he doesn’t want to, right? I should take that as a huge sign when he leaves. He knows he’s leaving and isn’t going to see me anymore so if he really does like me or wants to keep seeing me - he will.

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Usually guys will make the first big moves so why should a woman risk rejection?

 

if he doesn’t ask me it’s obviously because he doesn’t want to, right? I should take that as a huge sign when he leaves. He knows he’s leaving and isn’t going to see me anymore so if he really does like me or wants to keep seeing me - he will.

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Ok so you don't want him to stay in touch, or? What is it you want from him? Why can't you wait until he leaves? If he were interested, maybe he's too smart to make an overture at a coworker. Relax and learn to use better dating skills and "rules". Why don't you have a bf/dates outside of work?

if he doesn’t ask me it’s obviously because he doesn’t want to, right?
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Well considering he's leaving you don't have much to lose. If he rejects you, you probably can just never see him again! I would just say it's such a shame you won't see him around the office anymore and would he like to go for a coffee? Seriously if nothing happens you are no worse off than you were. I asked most of my partners out myself and some were long 2+ year relationships because they said yes!

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Give him a farewell card or even a post-it note with your number and tell him you'd like to keep in touch, and let the cards fall where they may. If you're already connected on social media, now that the restrictions of dating in the workplace are removed, he might reach out without any more extra effort on your part. If you're connected through social media, you can write him and ask him how the new job is going and lament a little at how you miss your daily chats while wishing him well on his new adventure. Toss out the bait. You have to work a little for it. He's probably as confused as you are on the level of attraction and willingness to take it up a notch. Give him something...give him your number.

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  • 2 weeks later...
if he doesn’t ask me it’s obviously because he doesn’t want to, right?

Not necessarily. It's a brave new world in once sense but it's a minefield for men who might want to date co-workers. In this era of #MeToo I can understand his reluctance to ask you out. In the back of his mind he may fear repercussions. Also men are sometimes afraid to ask out attractive women; they fear rejection too. Thus it can be incumbent upon the woman to make it really easy for the guy. I don't see you doing that. He may be clueless that you are open to a date.

 

He informed me that he is staying at our job 🙂

That is actually not good. If he informed management that he's leaving but then stayed they may view him as disloyal. Continuing to be co-workers IMO actually dampens the prospects that you will date. It's generally a bad idea to date co-workers.

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What changed? Excellent. He knows where you work, so has your contact info. However if you like him this much perhaps try to have coffee/lunch outside of work, but be low key.

He informed me that he is staying at our job 🙂
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