Jump to content

Boyfriend added girl he cheated on me with


Qtip4free

Recommended Posts

My boyfriend and I were together 2.5 years before he cheated. It hurt. We broke up. We were broken up for 6 months before he came back into my life. At first I refused contact with him. Then my empathy got the better of me as he was calling me daily. Crying. He told me he loved me, and wanted to be with me and wanted to fix the past, and wanted me to be happy, and said I was the one. Typically he comes back into my life when I've almost made it to the other side and am almost over him. I loved him with all my heart, so eventually I let my guard down, and let him in.

The trust is fragile. And the problem started a couple of days ago. He downloaded Instagram, didn't inform me or add me, he suddenly popped up on my screen as a person to add. So I checked out his profile and he is following his ex that he sent nudes to while we were together, and he had added the chick he cheated on me with. I confronted him, and told him it made me feel upset and disrespected. And that it doesn't make me feel safe or loved. I was really upset and hurt. He says it's all in my head, that he doesn't have time to deal with me, that he hasn't done anything wrong. He refuses to answer me call or text me back. What the actual . Am I overreacting? I honestly don't think I am. And I feel so in stupid for letting him into my life again, only to hurt me the same way he did in the past.

I need some support.. Also needed that from him, instead he rejected me again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It’s unclear by your post if he only recently created an Instagram account or recently reactivated it.

My guess is the latter. And that when he reactivated it his old friends were on there.

Or perhaps he 6 months ago , blocked you on there, now that he has unblocked you , he comes up as a suggestion.

 

Yes you overreacted. And automatically accused him of cheating. He has cheated in the past yes. But you should only let him back in your life if you are willing to trust him. Clearly you are not willing to trust him.

 

I don’t know if he is trustworthy or not. But that’s irrelevant. You don’t trust him regardless. The Instagram thing is innocent. You could have had a mature discussion with him as to the timelines of when he created an Instagram account etc.

 

He might be an a hole for all I know, but your post doesn’t actually suggest he is at this point. It just makes you sound over jealous???

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think you are overreacting at all. He could add anyone at all and he chooses to add women he cheated on you with and sent nude photos to while he was in a relationship with you?! You have told him how his actions have made you feel and I would feel the same in your shoes. The fact that his response was so dismissive indicates that he doesn't care enough to put you and the respect he should have for your relationship. You can't force him to get rid of these women, but you can choose not to carry on wasting time on him when you could be with someone who won't behave as he has.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear this. Sadly it's become a game for him to bounce around between you and other women. Why won't you cut him off for good? You don't really have a relationship with him, just on/off games and heartache. When you lose this creep, you'll be a lot happier.

My ex mentally, emotionally and physically abused me. Cheated and lied. And with no remorse. I moved out 5 months ago, he had a new girl move into his bed the next day. I mostly believe he is trying to manipulate me.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear this. Sadly it's become a game for him to bounce around between you and other women. Why won't you cut him off for good? You don't really have a relationship with him, just on/off games and heartache. When you lose this creep, you'll be a lot happier.

 

Oh goodness! I can't understand why you went back at all! The abuse, cheating and disrespect. You know what type of man he is.

 

What do your friends and family think about you returning to him?

 

Get some therapy and dump him!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Typically he comes back into my life when I've almost made it to the other side and am almost over him. I loved him with all my heart, so eventually I let my guard down, and let him in.

 

Typically? This sort of behaviour must be happening often enough for you to refer to it as typical. That is really not a good sign, girl.

 

You need to let him go forever. He doesn't love or respect you and has shown you pretty clearly he is going to do what - and whom - he wants. Demand more for yourself by closing the door on this jerk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My ex lied, cheated and hid things from me so I left him.

 

He pursued me for 5 years, begging and insisting he loved me. So I gave him another chance.

 

He then proceeded to lie, cheat and hide things from me. Again.

 

When I spoke to him about it, he told me "you knew what I was like and you came back anyway. I figured you like being treated like that."

 

Hard to argue with that, isn't it?

 

He's shown you multiple times who he is. Do you like being treated like that? If not, you know what to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why in the name of God would you go back to this? From September :

"My ex mentally, emotionally and physically abused me. Cheated and lied. And with no remorse. I moved out 5 months ago, he had a new girl move into his bed the next day."

 

Just because he fake cried? The other girl he had in his bed probably gave him the boot.

 

Why??? I don't understand why you want more of this treatment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You are not stupid and you are not overreacting. You chose to give this man your trust again. HE is the one who failed here.

 

Don't think about this any more than you need to. Use this information and grow stronger. Let's start with ending your relationship for real this time, yeah?

 

You deserve someone way better who doesn't play games, whose actions fall in line with his words. Good luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've not read anything, not even the opening post I'm just responding on the headline to your thread.

 

Re-adding her (I'm assuming on social media?) after he's cheated on you with her is the epitome of disrespect to you and your relationship and if you stay with someone who could disrespect you in that manner, someone who isn't doing their best to vanish this woman from your lives in general, then what happens after that is on you. Get the professional help you need to figure out why you think so little of yourself that you would come here instead of just packing up and dumping the retprobate you call a boyfriend. For some reason you don't believe you deserve a decent man within a happy/HEALTHY union so that needs to be addressed in you.

 

It's time you learned to understand that "love" is an action word not based on feelings but rather based on actions by your partner that make you feel valued. How valued did this man make you feel?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At this level, I'd start asking some serious questions about myself. Yes, he's not the greatest person there is but why do you continue to accept or tell yourself you "love" this person? I definitely agree on getting more professional help, do some work on yourself, work with a therapist or receive some personal counselling from someone trained to help you re-navigate all this. You're not in a good place. Whether it's him or some other guy later on, you're vulnerable and broken for some reason or other. Maybe it's your role models in your life or you're missing the appropriate father/mother figures or didn't grow up seeing any good examples of how people ought to accept or discard good/bad situations. You're not making good decisions for yourself. Start asking why. And how you can change.

 

I don't see this getting any better or the cycle stopping itself until you fix yourself and understand why you're vulnerable to these types of personalities/behaviours.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Let's get one thing very clear.

 

If he cheated on you and you took him back - he's in no position to tell you that you're overreacting to him for having any - any - form of link to the person he cheated on you with. Good grief.

 

You're the one with the power here, he's the one who cheated and cried until you had empathy to take him back ... so this is your time to decide where you draw the line.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I ended it two days ago, by writing him an email. I'm on holiday, so we're far away from each other. And it is probably safer than meeting him in person anyway. He replied, but I haven't opened it. He hasn't tried to call (my phone shows calls from blocked numbers) , so I assume he's OK with it. (well in reality I assume he just replied with an unapologetic pathetic manipulative devaluing one liner and some added emoojis).

Since I've already spent months grieving our previous relationship, although feeling a bit sad and empty, I am handling this better than I thought. Feel stronger and 'harder' inside.

I wrote him whatever little was left of trust, was completely broken. And that there was no coming back from it now, and I actually mean it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well you've done the right thing although doing it over email wasn't the way I would have done it. I suggest you open that email so that it and him are not holding power over you (because it will as long as you know it's sitting there) but don't respond to it. Block and delete him on all platforms and get on with your life without him in it. He's not worth wasting another thought on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...