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Caught Boyfriend with Sex Toy: Now what?


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So long story short I caught my boyfriend using a dildo in bed while he thought I was asleep. I honestly was so shocked I just laid there pretending to be asleep. He wasn't using it for penetration either...he was deep throating it?

Now. I must say. After 7 years of being together and me being super sexual and always trying to get him to open up...let me tell you this was a HUGE TURN ON FOR ME.

But I don't know what to do now. I can't bring it up...I feel like he would be beyond embarrassed... he's super sensitive. But how am I supposed to live with a secret like this?!?

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Why keep it a secret? Because he will be embarrassed at first? Wait until he’s super turned on and then tell him how hot it got you - I bet he’ll be relieved and super into it after any initial embarrassment. If he was doing it in bed with you he definitely wasn’t 100% committed to keeping it a secret; do you think part of him wanted you to catch him?

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Unfortunately, you don't know much about him after 7 years.

So long story short I caught my boyfriend using a dildo in bed while he thought I was asleep. He wasn't using it for penetration either...he was deep throating it? After 7 years of being together and me being super sexual and always trying to get him to open up
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Yeah I guess not. I wish I did. We probably wouldn't have fought so much about sex over the years. Lol

 

A fantasy can only remain a fantasy as long as it’s kept that way.

Bring it to reality it often doesn’t live up to the fantasy and then there is nothing to fantasise about.

You now have a new found fantasy, a naughty secret. Enjoy it , don’t ruin it.

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The fights were over frequency and expectations of sex. But I realized we just have very different sex drives.

He's lazy. I can't finish from penetration and it stresses me out when he tries for too long when I'd rather just do it myself and just enjoy the process.

It's both of our fault. So we do what we can.

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🦄👇🤔Is it possible you dreamt this or he was eating a hotdog?🌭

 

Is this an open relationship? Or just each of you masturbating on your own in your own worlds? He seems to be more interested in sex without you than sex with you. He doesn't sound lazy, he sounds uninterested because of whatever extracurricular activities he's engaged in. How old is he?

The fights were over frequency and expectations of sex. He's lazy.
Edited by Wiseman2
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If I was dreaming then it was a pretty realistic dream. Lmao.

He's 30 and I'm 31. We do have sex. He's pretty quick to finish and over the years that combined with some pretty serious self consciousness on his part he just assumes he's disappointing me every time. I've tried to reassure him that just having sex no matter how long or the end result is enough for me. I know he's not participating in any real life stuff without me.

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My assumption is that he wanted you to see this.

 

I can't fathom what person in their right mind would randomly deep-throat their partner's vibrator in bed right beside her if he never intended her to find out.

 

If this indeed an accurate account of events, this was his indirect way of opening the discussion on trying something...new.

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*sitting her wondering how a man deep throating an inanimate object would be a turn on (for him) unless he was bi or, like Linda Lovelace, has a clitoris half way down his throat*

 

OP: If it turned you on then why let him know you know? Keep it at the voyeur level is my suggestion. Either that or actually let him know you are awake and ask him if you can help.

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My assumption is that he wanted you to see this.

 

I can't fathom what person in their right mind would randomly deep-throat their partner's vibrator in bed right beside her if he never intended her to find out.

 

If this indeed an accurate account of events, this was his indirect way of opening the discussion on trying something...new.

 

Bingo. Agree 💯

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Sometimes I would wonder but I've seen the porn he watches in private and it's all girls.

And I find sucking to be super hot. Sometimes that's how I get off. But I can see how maybe being a straight male doing it would be strange.

I thoroughly enjoy the voyeurism part of it absolutely! But it makes me wonder what else I'm missing out on that I haven't caught him doing. Lol

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I think it's a bigger problem if after 7 years together you can't bring it up to him out in the open.

 

I had a similar thought. Don't know much about your relationship...but maybe it's an opportunity. No one can really know for sure. What's your gut say?

 

Sexuality is a massive spectrum. We all slide along it in our own ways. Can't label a person for one preference or another. You'll never know what he was up to if you don't ask.

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*sitting her wondering how a man deep throating an inanimate object would be a turn on (for him) unless he was bi or, like Linda Lovelace, has a clitoris half way down his throat*

 

OP: If it turned you on then why let him know you know? Keep it at the voyeur level is my suggestion. Either that or actually let him know you are awake and ask him if you can help.

 

He might have a fantasy of wondering what it’s like to be a submissive female.

My point being that people have fantasies of all sorts of things but in reality would never realise them.

 

I don’t think his actions alone suggest he is gay or bi.

He might even be imagining what it’s like when he deep throats a girl. Perhaps he’s never had a girl to allow him do that and wondering why?

 

At this point the op got off on it.

It’s up to her whether she wants to discuss with him or not.

But she needs to be ready for his response no matter what that might be.

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Well. I decided I wouldn't bring it up and try another night to see what the hell was going on.

I don't use my sex toys often. But I've has this glow in the dark glass dildo in a drawer somewhere for god knows how long.

Tonight I'm not so sure I'm not crazy because I was pretending to be asleep (I even snored a bit for dramatic effect lol) AND TELL ME WHY I SAW SOMETHING GLOWING IN THE DARK.

BUT THIS TIME IT WASN'T BY HIS FACE.

I don't even know what to ing do. What if he denies it? Can I really just lay here at night (regardless of getting off or not) and NOT say anything? It's just too ing insane NOT to mention. I'm at a complete loss.

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Well. I decided I wouldn't bring it up and try another night to see what the hell was going on.

I don't use my sex toys often. But I've has this glow in the dark glass dildo in a drawer somewhere for god knows how long.

Tonight I'm not so sure I'm not crazy because I was pretending to be asleep (I even snored a bit for dramatic effect lol) AND TELL ME WHY I SAW SOMETHING GLOWING IN THE DARK.

BUT THIS TIME IT WASN'T BY HIS FACE.

I don't even know what to ing do. What if he denies it? Can I really just lay here at night (regardless of getting off or not) and NOT say anything? It's just too ing insane NOT to mention. I'm at a complete loss.

 

You're awfully giddy for someone who caught their boyfriend deep-throating a d*ldo.

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