LucyTheRed Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 Ok, so before anyone chastises me for this, please just hear me out and please don't judge me. Yes I am married. And yes, I do love my husband. But, I can't help but still have very very strong feelings for a guy that I dated 18 years ago. We broke up, but never stopped being friends. Anyway, I was married once before and that turned very sour and I left a mentally abusive relationship that I have 4 kids from. I stayed a single mom for 2 years, and didn't even date. I re-met a friend that I was enlisted in the army with, and he stayed a few days with me when he came to visit his mom from out of state. We talked a lot and catching up. Long story short, we ended up getting married. It's been 3 years since we got hitched. And it's really not been pretty. He has PTSD pretty severe, and his triggers can get extremely violent, but never at me or our, only himself and inanimate objects. I walk on eggshells every single day, making sure to do anything I can to not let a trigger happen. I got fired from a job, and it took me 3 days to open up to him about it because I knew he would be mad. Most days are good and even wonderful with him and he's amazing with my kids. 99% of the time. Anyway, I'm not exactly happy there. Because of his PTSD, I rarely ever hang out with my friends, or get to have just a girl's night with my 2 closest girl friends because I am just to afraid to ask him or tell him that I have plans that don't involve him, or to make plans that INCLUDE him because he's antisocial from the PTSD and always guilt-trips me out of going. There's the story of my husband/current situation. My ex is the manager of a local retail store. Whenever I have to go there for something, it's always a fairly pleasant conversation and he always makes me smile, has since I met him. He has always been kind and patient with me, even going as far as booking to be my wedding DJ to my current husband. He backed out last minute and had his business partner DJ because he had something come up. Today I found out from a mutual friend of ours that the "something that came up" was that he felt extremely jealous and had a rush of feelings for me come back, and he didn't want that to ruin my wedding to a man that wasn't him. And I feel those same feelings for him. No matter what I do, or how long between times that I see him, I cannot get him out of my head for more than a couple days. Also today, I went to his store (before I talked to our friend), and he noticed the little things, like the mild change to my hair color, the stress in my face even through the smile I fake so well, and even that I got new glasses. My own husband didn't even notice the glasses until I mentioned it to him. The only thing we really don't have in common are our political views. They are so different and we both feel extremely passionate about our respective sides of the fence so it would just lead to arguments, I'm sure. Anyway, this is pretty long, so if you read through it, thank you for bearing with me. I really don't know what I should do. I am still in love with someone who I thought I had gotten over a long time ago, but I refuse to just up and leave my husband "for another man". Help! Please, any help or advice, or even a kind word or two would be amazing. Thank you! Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.