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Was it the right thing to end it?


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My girlfriend and I had been dating for a year, currently I’m a college freshman and she’s a high school senior. Everything was really good at the beginning of the relationship but at about month three I felt like I wasn’t getting out of the relationship what I was putting in, but I never told her and kinda fell out of love. Summer was good, we hung out everyday and my love grew a little, then I went away to college and we no longer had eachother. And at that moment I kind of realized that was the only thing we had in common. When we were apart, I didn’t really enjoy talking to her as it was always just her complaining and I just didn’t feel the same way. But I would go home for a break, we’d be back together and I’d love her again. About a month ago I decided it was best to move on and stop wasting each other’s time as I assumed I could find someone down at college, but she convinced me not to leave her saying she never realized her flaws and that she would change. So we gave it another chance and I still felt the same way, not excited to talk to her, in a way dreading it sometimes, but then loving it when I went home to her. Fast forward a month and I’m feeling the same way so yesterday I decided to end it again. She was extremely sad and hurt by the way I did it but I felt it was what I had to do. Today though I unsure about how I feel. I cried taking down all of the pictures of us in my room while trying to move on. Am I doing the right thing? We agreed to still be friends and maybe call this a break until things work themselves out and I told her maybe we could try again if she went to college down here, but I’m just feeling so lost right now. I assume it’s a normal part of the breakup but I just wanted some outside input.

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You're in college and you're indifferent to her unless she's standing in front of you, it doesn't even sound like you miss her much while you're at college and inbetween school breaks.


I think you did the right thing. If she was meant to be your LIFEmate then you would want to be more involved and anticipating talking and communicating while away. My daughter kept the same boyfriend throughout her years at University and they are now married with children. Not once did either of them feel indifference towards one another like you are feeling off and on with your now ex.


Best to go zero contact so you can actually get over the addiction of having one another in your lives. I thinks its more of a habit that you keep seeing one another that you're both afraid to break rather than love of one another that keeps you hooked.


Your current sadness is understandable. Its withdrawl pains from no longer having someone in your life that you've become accustomed to being there. Those pains will simmer down with time and what you do with that time.

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Yes you are right to end it. Where you are wrong is this going back and forth, taking her back and then ending it again, then agreeing to stay friends. You are creating a mess. Ending means keep it clean - no more friends, no more chit chat, no break up make up. Be done, grieve, heal, move on.


High school romances end and you do need to focus on your college life and she needs to be free to focus on graduating and sorting out where she wants to go after independently of any relationships hindering her decisions. You both need to actually enjoy the this time of life, date, have fun, grow, learn who you are as an adult, only then will you eventually meet a person to actually settle down with who will be right for you. If you skip this process, you are in for a lifetime of.....exactly what you are dealing with - messy conflict and feeling unhappy and unsatisfied. College is a time of change - embrace it and let the past stay in the past. Start looking forward.

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You were right to end it. You are wrong to keep her stuck in limbo like that. You gave it a second try and it fell apart again. You have all the information needed to move on. Time for a clean break. Trying to keep her around as plan B /placeholder is extremely hurtful, extremely selfish and extremely disrespectful. If you ever loved her, do the right thing and end all contact so that you can both heal and move on.

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It sounds very normal. You're upset and trying to face a new reality. From your previous posts (haven't reread them, just skimming from memory), you've been falling out for awhile and at this point even if you did get back together, after your ups and downs and break ups, it won't seem convincing anymore. Who would you be trying to kid? Yourself? Don't do that. Move forwards.


How often do you go back home to visit?

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I can see how it might throw anyone off. Take it easy. What you're feeling is normal, I'd say. You might do a bit better having a few more boundaries when it comes to her. If you have access to her social media or facebook page, twitter etc, dial it back and either mute her ongoings/limit your feed or don't log on or go on as often. Some people prefer to delete and block. That's fine but it's personal preference.


Have your boundaries and enjoy catching up with friends and family. It's a good idea not to meet her the next few times you're back home and slowly wean yourself off of that habit of seeing each other or depending on each others' company. Remember that she should need space to heal also. Neither of you are doing each other favours drawing it out.

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