mikebeatz89 Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 So I have been dating my girl for about 4 yrs. I am a U.S. military member and I met my girl in Okinawa, Japan back in 2015. She is originally from the mainland but moved to the island due to a prior marriage to an Okinawan man. So long story, after leaving in 2016 and moving to two different countries (Korea and England) within three years, we remain in touch via text/video chatting and traveling to see each other. Finally in 2019, I have made it back to Okinawa and we are in the process of moving in together. The thing is, I am making small mistakes in which she overreact on everything. Examples such as leaving my cigarettes on our balcony, causing little scratches on her non-stick pan which she has brought, not getting white pillow cases for our new bed which i forgot to buy additionally, etc. She want to decorate the place but I seem to do the absolute opposite which I don’t mean to do on purpose. I always said that I don’t think before I buy stuff and she wants to be next to me when we decide on anything for our place. And these things only happened when we decide to move in together. I made have flaws but she overreacts and send angry texts in Japanese (since her English is only conversational and it is only natural to use her naive tongue to convey her true feelings) and I would translate via Google. I love her but I don’t know anymore because I feel like she wants to control everything, even when I want to buy something for myself. Also, she is way older than me, about 10 yrs older which makes sense to be financially secure but we are not married yet. I don’t mean any harm but while I am texting this, we haven’t spoke to each other within the last hour and it is nighttime over here. She has thought about living separately like the first time when we met but I don’t want that. Additionally, she sees these actions to judge me as being “less than a human being” (her words). She has called a dog and a monkey (for acting “unwise” with my decision-making). It seems maybe that she thinks my actions are “unfit” to her standards, thus wanting to make the better decisions on behalf of me as if I am not in control of own life or something. Maybe I am at fault because I know I am not used to living with someone and only catered to myself. You have make sacrifices in the sake to accompany another person especially if they are your spouse or significant other. Or, it could the difference of cultures in how a particular mistake can judge a person’s decision-making or mental capacity. Whatever the case, I feel like having some space is the best option but I don’t want it to be. Or even breaking up....I have made a lot of mistakes in prior relationships but this one....this is definitely a test within our relationship. I just wish there was some other way to rectify it. But that’s relationships for you, right? We’re not even married and l feel like I am in one already. Any advice is greatly appreciated if possible because I don’t know if I answer my own advice. Link to comment
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