Finding new details about bf after getting back together that makes me feel sick

[bluecastle]

While I’m not all that well versed on her previous post, outside of the word abuse being use a whole lot, I think you might be considering the thought process of a grown adult and placing it on this 20 something where her relationship maturity threshold simply isn’t quite there yet.

 

I actually think what she’s saying is what she’s truly thinking and truly upset about because as other have stated this is what toxic 20 something relationships are about, think back to your relationships then. We’re you not hypocritical? A but illogical, ran by your emotions?

 

It’s the same here.

 

She’s got a whole 20 page post calling the guy abusive, is his post about thinking of cheating really that out of the spectrum?

 

I’ll agree with every word here. I think what I’m latching onto is the opening of this whole thread—the part where somegirl seems to think (know?) that getting back together with him was a mistake.

 

And as I said: it’s not. It’s life. And so the question now becomes: how do you want to continue to live it?

[figureitout23]

I’ll agree with every word here. I think what I’m latching onto is the opening of this whole thread—the part where somegirl seems to think (know?) that getting back together with him was a mistake.

 

And as I said: it’s not. It’s life. And so the question now becomes: how do you want to continue to live it?

 

Excellent point, as always.

[nutbrownhare]

The moment you need to use your 'detective skills' - for anything other than trying to arrange a special surprise or gift - you are SERIOUSLY in the wrong relationship. Either it means that the other person's untrustworthy, or has done something to make you think they are... in which case why are you still with them? OR you are too paranoid to relax and let them just be who they are, in which case you need to look long and hard at yourself.

 

One of life's ironies is that people who are suspicious by nature will unconsciously get involved with people who will confirm that world view. A healthier person, with a proper self-regard, will not hang around in relationships where they feel worthless and untrusting of the other person. They will also be more alert to red flags in the early stages.

 

In your case, you have a choice. You can either chalk it up to experience and put it behind you, and concentrate on moving forwards in your relationship, or end it and spend some time single before getting involved with someone you feel you can trust. But staying in a relationship with this level of suspicion and hidden resentment will do you no good at all.

[ninjabib]

OP you either trust him or you don't. Answer that question then you can decide whether to stay or leave.

 

I think you snooped tbf. You don't accidentally find that kind of information harmlessly surfing the Web. You went out of your way which says to me you don't trust him.

[catfeeder]

What would have ever given you the naive idea that anyone who's unhappy inside a toxic relationship would NOT entertain fantasies about being with someone else who sees them as fabulous?

 

People tend to move toward pleasure and away from pain. Either you're confident enough in the current state of your relationship to keep it and enjoy it, or not. If not, then it wasn't too bright to corner yourself with such a harsh and unyielding edict:

I told him the past will be left in the past and if he ever brings the past up again, then we're over for good.

 

It makes no sense to prescribe such a thing and then go snooping to find something from the past that you've already vowed to never talk about.

 

You get to decide now whether you'll talk yourself into misery or not.

[boltnrun]

The two of you are toxic together. Between him constantly berating you about having sex with someone before you two were even a couple and you searching for "evidence" to use against him, I have to wonder why you bother.

 

Is it because you "love him!!!"?