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Why is she not responding?


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So I called this girl from school and asked her If I could take her out on a date, and she said yes. Ive been trying to text her on snapchat to figure out the details, but she takes hours to respond. She will respond to me, and Ill text her back 10 minutes later and she wont respond for 5-6 hours after, all while her snapchat score is increasing (which means she is snapchatting other people). The last text she didnt open for 18 hours . I was so pissed off I decided I was just going to forget it. Then she responded after 18 hours saying that she was studying all day and wasnt on her phone, and then agreed to the details of the date that I told her, and agreed to go. (even though her score was increasing, which means she lied). I responded to that almost immediately after, and she hasnt opened it for 7 hours.

 

I think she isn't interested, and didnt have the balls to tell me no. I can't even begin to think why someone would do this. Should I call it off? I can't take this confusion

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She is not interested. I doubt she will come through. Dating should not be so much work .

 

I agree with you. Should I just be upfront and tell her that I can see she isnt interested enough and that it would save both of us time if we didnt go out.

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Slow down. Things get a bit hazy with texts and confusing. What you're doing is reacting to jealousy right now because she is busy on the app but not with you. She did agree to see you again. It's very natural to feel a bit annoyed at first but slow it down and take a breather - go out to the park, walk to the grocery store, get an ice cream, meet up with some friends before you cancel with her. She's entitled to using her account and app the way she likes. If you're this easily irritated so early on, I'd be very careful entering into the dating realm or in looking for a relationship.

 

I think it's a good idea to get a better idea of what she's like on the date and see her behaviour towards you face to face. If the chemistry or spark isn't there you'll feel better about calling things off if it's really no good.

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Slow down. Things get a bit hazy with texts and confusing. What you're doing is reacting to jealousy right now because she is busy on the app but not with you. She did agree to see you again. It's very natural to feel a bit annoyed at first but slow it down and take a breather - go out to the park, walk to the grocery store, get an ice cream, meet up with some friends before you cancel with her. She's entitled to using her account and app the way she likes. If you're this easily irritated so early on, I'd be very careful entering into the dating realm or in looking for a relationship.

 

I think it's a good idea to get a better idea of what she's like on the date and see her behaviour towards you face to face. If the chemistry or spark isn't there you'll feel better about calling things off if it's really no good.

 

The way I see it, if she doesnt even care enough to figure out the details then what is even the point. The only way I could be totally wrong, is if she genuinely is so busy on the app that she cant respond to me for 18 hours,which seems too ridiculous to even be accurate.

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The way I see it, if she doesnt even care enough to figure out the details then what is even the point.

 

You initially said she did agree to the details of the date:

Then she responded after 18 hours saying that she was studying all day and wasnt on her phone, and then agreed to the details of the date that I told her, and agreed to go.

 

Unless she tells you otherwise, consider the date a go.

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I went back to your first post - is there a reason why you didn't just pick up and call her to figure out the logistics? She could have felt that it was a bit passive of you to text. Another alternative next time is to ask someone out in person especially if you see that person daily or regularly at school. I personally don't like texting back and forth about logistics and details on meeting. I like it when a date calls or asks if I'm free in person. There's something so much more magical about that.

 

If you're really not feeling it and very negative about her behaviour in general, I agree with you to cancel the thing and don't waste each others' time. That's no way to go into a date if you're already furious or annoyed with her.

 

My idea is not to cancel so quickly if you're neutral about it or have some ability to see things differently. There are also other ways (better ways) to iron out any logistics or asking someone out.

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Wow!

Is this what dating has come to? Her score?

 

Here is a novel idea and I know it is way out there but how about you actually call her on the phone. Yes that's right I mean have a voice conversation with her. Ask her when she is free and then set up a date for that day/time. If she doesn't answer then don't leave a message. Call her one more time when you have pretty good idea she is free to talk and if she still doesn't answer drop the whole thing because she has shown you clearly that she is not interested.

 

Who knows the phone call may be so out of the ordinary that she might just think you are special and got out with you.

 

Lost

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You initially said she did agree to the details of the date:

 

 

Unless she tells you otherwise, consider the date a go.

 

Everything is planned out except now she hasnt opened my text regarding where I am picking her up (her address) for 36 hours now. I walked by her while she was at her locker at school today and she turned her back to me while she was talking to her friends. Things arent looking too good right about now but well see...

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I don't know OP, this doesn't sound very promising.

 

Girls who are interested are generally less aloof than this.

 

Then again, you mentioned a locker so I am assuming you are both still in high school. Folks at that age are still learning the ropes of dating and she might be one of those girls who's read somewhere that she should try to act more detached to make you more interested. It sounds convoluted, I realize, but teens rarely have a solid approach to dating.

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Wow!

Is this what dating has come to? Her score?

 

Here is a novel idea and I know it is way out there but how about you actually call her on the phone. Yes that's right I mean have a voice conversation with her. Ask her when she is free and then set up a date for that day/time. If she doesn't answer then don't leave a message. Call her one more time when you have pretty good idea she is free to talk and if she still doesn't answer drop the whole thing because she has shown you clearly that she is not interested.

 

Who knows the phone call may be so out of the ordinary that she might just think you are special and got out with you.

 

Lost

 

I agree with this. Maybe not with this girl, but future interests. This girl does not seem interested to me, and you're not really taking the hint. It took her that long to respond because she was busy trying to solidify plans with her friends or a potential date with some other guy, and when there seemed to be no other priorities, she agreed to go out with you. She has a high potential of bailing on you if something better comes along. You can continue on with your plan and see if a date might shift her interest in your direction and you hit it off, which would be great, but circumstances as they are do not seem very promising to me.

 

I would also like to echo the other posters - CALL or ask her out in person and then call for further details if required. Have a couple plans in mind, days and time, when you ask; a movie, goofy golf, ice cream, drinks and an app...whatever, and see where it goes. I think you'll get a lot more traction if you put out that extra effort rather than passively sandwiching some snapchats into the fray of social media.

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You need to stop clocking response time. Get off your phone. Enjoy the date and work on your anxiety and stop gauging things by how glued people are to their phones.

 

Would you even want to date anyone who is so attached/addicted to their phone that the second you message they shoot back in a nanosecond? That indicates they have no life, are very boring and would be clingy and annoying if you're not texting every minute of every day. Don't date anyone like that..

Everything is planned out except now she hasnt opened my text regarding where I am picking her up (her address) for 36 hours now. I walked by her while she was at her locker at school today and she turned her back to me while she was talking to her friends. Things arent looking too good right about now but well see...
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I don't know OP, this doesn't sound very promising.

 

Girls who are interested are generally less aloof than this.

 

Then again, you mentioned a locker so I am assuming you are both still in high school. Folks at that age are still learning the ropes of dating and she might be one of those girls who's read somewhere that she should try to act more detached to make you more interested. It sounds convoluted, I realize, but teens rarely have a solid approach to dating.

 

I agree. I am in high school, and I think it could go both ways. I’ll have to wait to see I guess

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I agree with this. Maybe not with this girl, but future interests. This girl does not seem interested to me, and you're not really taking the hint. It took her that long to respond because she was busy trying to solidify plans with her friends or a potential date with some other guy, and when there seemed to be no other priorities, she agreed to go out with you. She has a high potential of bailing on you if something better comes along. You can continue on with your plan and see if a date might shift her interest in your direction and you hit it off, which would be great, but circumstances as they are do not seem very promising to me.

 

I would also like to echo the other posters - CALL or ask her out in person and then call for further details if required. Have a couple plans in mind, days and time, when you ask; a movie, goofy golf, ice cream, drinks and an app...whatever, and see where it goes. I think you'll get a lot more traction if you put out that extra effort rather than passively sandwiching some snapchats into the fray of social media.

 

Initially I did call her to ask her out, but her and I both said that we had a busy week with school and work, so she agreed that well figure something out this weekend or next week, and to text her later. She initially was responding to me , but then ignored me after we figured out a date. She apologized and told me that she couldnt respond for a day because she was studying all day and was busy (which was a lie because she was active on the app, and its highly unlikely that a popular girl in my generation doesnt use their phone all day). It seems to me she doesnt even have the courage to reject me.

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It can be annoying to be put on hold for hours. It is often a reliable enough indicator that she isn't into you.

In the past I have talked with both girls that were interested in me, and that weren't. The difference is like day and night. On the one hand they would respond in a matter of 2-3 minutes, in the other it would take up to one day.

 

Think of it like this: if she is interested, she will actively seek you, especially if you reciprocate the sentiment. You did well in answering after some minutes because instant replies make it look like one keeps refreshing the page just to keep up the conversation, and that's a turn off. But if I were you, I would leave it at that, because she doesn't look like she's interested enough to reply to you. Don't waste anymore time. This does not mean you should hate her or something, but just respecting her wishes to not go on a date, if she behaves like she doesn't feel like it.

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It can be annoying to be put on hold for hours. It is often a reliable enough indicator that she isn't into you.

In the past I have talked with both girls that were interested in me, and that weren't. The difference is like day and night. On the one hand they would respond in a matter of 2-3 minutes, in the other it would take up to one day.

 

Think of it like this: if she is interested, she will actively seek you, especially if you reciprocate the sentiment. You did well in answering after some minutes because instant replies make it look like one keeps refreshing the page just to keep up the conversation, and that's a turn off. But if I were you, I would leave it at that, because she doesn't look like she's interested enough to reply to you. Don't waste anymore time. This does not mean you should hate her or something, but just respecting her wishes to not go on a date, if she behaves like she doesn't feel like it.

 

Yea shes definitely not interested. She may come back around next semester because I have all 4 periods of the day in the same class, but as of right now ill just forget about her. Should I text her anything or just forget about it

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Just let it go and learn from this.

 

Be polite to her if you see her around but do it in aloof way. Don't show anymore interest in her than you would anyone else you are not interested in dating.

 

Next time try chatting up someone in person and look for signs of interest. It is way easier to tell than any electronic footprint...

 

Lost

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That's ok. Plenty of other girls you can start talking to and ask out. If she's too busy all the time, don't bother with her. Don't text her anything, just let it fade.

Yea shes definitely not interested. Should I text her anything or just forget about it
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  • 2 weeks later...

Quick update: she wrote me a long text saying she wasn’t ready to date anyone yet because of her past relationship, and went on about how she likes me and wants another chance. Turns out she went on a date with one of my other friends a week after she sent that.

 

She took advantage of the fact that I liked her, and trusted her word, and lied. People like this absolutely disgust me. I hope life teaches her someday that lying gets you nowhere

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Try and look at the positive side of all this. Dating is a learning process that each person needs to figure out (the best they can) as they go through life.

 

Before this happened you were more likely to accept all women at their word instead of reading their actions. I would bet if this happened again you would see her for who she is (she basically showed you her interest and her level of honesty) and walked away much sooner and not let it bother you as much. It is disappointing when someone you like turns out to be like this so we tend to ignore the facts right in front of our faces until they are glaringly obvious.

 

Chalk this up to a good lesson learned with not much lost time on your part. Don't be a plan B, don't be a doormat and don't wait around for someone that shows you they are not making you a priority.

 

Lost

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